Welcome to the TWATS 2014. Please now list your categories and nominations.

[MalcolmTuckersMistress]

Well this is going to cause chaos and probably have no real conclusion to it but I did think that it at least deserves it's own thread.

1.) Please note, this thread is NOT for wenching in. I repeat NO WENCHING. Wenching must continues in the tavern threads only.

2.) NO DISCUSSION OF SANTIAGO AND FOOTBALL. You may nominate him but we don't need 36 pages of "OMGZ I LOVES HIM n his futbowl LOL LOL LOL!!!!111"

3.) Remember when nominating and making up categories that The Cardinal is sexier than any of the other male cast members.

Right, I have no idea if I'm doing this right, so please just shout like you need telling if it's wrong.......

Best use of a Random Prop

• Porthos duelling with fork (ep 1)
• Mother Superior lobbing brandy bombs (ep 9)
• Aramis dropping dummy baby in the river (ep 6)
• Cardinal poisoned by knee bone (ep 7)
• Aramis fighting with books (ep 7)
• Porthos shooting melon off Aramis’ head (ep 5)
• Dog smacking Athos with glove (ep 10)

Comment: Can we add Athos (ep 1) ice bucket.

P.s can't believe no fucker already suggested. This is so biased against Athos

I'm going down the list btw......

Twitchiest Vag / Wettest Knickers Moment

• Aramis shirtless in lake (ep 9)
• Aramis making a whhh-tshh! whipping noise (ep 3)
• Aramis: “I’ve got you” while jumping on top of the Queen to save her from being blown up (ep 2)
• All four gallantly appearing through smoke under arch (ep 10)
• Athos: “It would be our duty and incidentally our pleasure.” (ep ?)
• Athos: "Kneel." (ep ?)
• Athos: Alley snog scene with Milady. (ep ?)
• Dog and Connie go at it in the kitchen. (ep ?)
• Richelieu with his hand on Milady’s throat (LUSTY EYES). (ep ?)
• Porthos sliding up next to Alice. (ep ?)
• Any time Treville gets shouty – especially at the Cardinal. (Come on Trev, pick a moment! From Madame.)

Comment: I think this should be reduced to one suggestion per character. It's a massive fucking list. Wenches should suggest their fave for each character. I will do mine shortly in between RL.

For the millionth fecking time!

I did NOT say the pancake/toss line. That was MALCOLM.

Funniest Sex Boast / Wench Quote

• Malc: “I AM GOING TO RIDE THAT PAN HANDLE UNTIL HIS KIDNEYS BURST OUT HIS EARS!”

- Hannah: "Save a pancake, toss a Musketeer"

• Madame: "Santi is now banging away at anything that comes near him. He wants it. He wants it badly.” (Soccer Aid commentary)
• Malc: “He would get it til he ran dry.”
• Pumpkinpositive: “I would bang them all like a storm door in a hurricane.”
• Cinnamon: “I like the Athos/Roger clip. I like that Tom's tone of voice and expression are screaming, ‘The BBC are my employers and they are making me record this clip. But the World Cup and everything football-related are utterly pointless, and I fart on them with gusto. And so does Roger.’"
• Sparkle: “Well if Tom Burke’s got any input then it'll be cocks out at dawn.”
• Anne: (Talking about not wanting to see breasts on the Musketeers should they sex it up.) “I have a sterling pair that I have seen a lot. I dont need to see others jiggling around.”

hannah thanks v much for making the effort but please could you read my pleas about cutting nominations where possible? dont think ice bucket is random use of a prop cos its clearly part of his daily routine iyswim

I was going to say we might have to make an exception and go over 6 for twitchiest vag cos SO MUCH TO CHOOSE FROM. say max 2 nominations per character?

how do you know that's his daily routine?

Errr...cos he'd put it out the window on purpose to freeze, its not like it was a random bucket that he just stuck his head in...

Anyway theres loads of athos here! And i suggested an aramis cut...

If I can get on the PC (not that one) to look at the TWATs (not those ones), I'll do some cutting and pasting but everything I've seen so far is fine with me.

I am happy to be taken out if any wench quote ones as others are way funnier, and also organiser Anne, I think things have moved on from spreadsheets.

It looks great though.

Ok anne if youre sure. Your rotas were lovely and i just wanted to pay homage to them.

Hottest shouty moment EDIT:

aramis: WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? Don't you care about Porthos?

sorry but I have to add to:

sexiest use of clothing
Aramis: braces and necklaces

We are as one Madame

hottest shouty moment EDIT
Porthos: YOU LYING FILTHY SWINE!!!! (To Bonnaire) (ep 3.)

Awards for The Musketeers suggested cuts and additions suggested so far.

Best use of a Random Prop

• Porthos duelling with fork (ep 1)
• Mother Superior lobbing brandy bombs (ep 9)

Aramis dropping dummy baby in the river (ep 6)

• Cardinal poisoned by knee bone (ep 7)
• Aramis fighting with books (ep 7)
• Porthos shooting melon off Aramis’ head (ep 5)
• Dog smacking Athos with glove (ep 10)

Twitchiest Vag / Wettest Knickers Moment
Aramis shirtless in lake (ep 9)

• Aramis making a whhh-tshh! whipping noise (ep 3)
• Aramis: “I’ve got you” while jumping on top of the Queen to save her from being blown up (ep 2)
• All four gallantly appearing through smoke under arch (ep 10)
• Athos: “It would be our duty and incidentally our pleasure.” (ep 1?)

Athos: "Kneel." (ep 8)

• Athos: Alley snog scene with Milady. (ep ?)
• Dog and Connie go at it in the kitchen. (ep ?)
• Richelieu with his hand on Milady’s throat (LUSTY EYES). (ep ?)
• Porthos sliding up next to Alice. (ep 8)
• Any time Treville gets shouty – especially at the Cardinal. (Come on Trev, pick a moment! From Madame.)

Best move with a Weapon

• Athos morning stretch with sword (ep 1)
• Milady holding dagger to Athos' throat (ep 3)
• Mother Superior reloading pistol like a gangsta (ep 9)
• Aramis jumping over wall while firing (ep 6)

Sexiest use of Clothing

• Cardinal in swishy cloak (all?)
• Athos in grey billowy shirt (ep 4)
• Aramis unbuckling belt to use as tourniquet (ep 3)
• Dog in –-bon--bandage (ep 10)

Aramis in grey billowy shirt (ep 8)

• Aramis in braces and necklaces.

Best Tits in a Corset

• Connie
• Milady
• Niniononon
• Queenie
• Queen Mum

Best Resting Bitch Face

• Milady: When she kisses Athos in the alley and he rejects her (ep ?)
• Queenie: When she walks in on the Cardinal discussing her assassination (ep 10)
• Queen Mum: When she realises Cardinal has outwitted her (ep 6)
• Constance: When Milady turns up at her house (ep ?)
• Madame Bonnaire: when she finds hubby in the tavern with wench (ep 3)
• Mother Superior: when she is praying in the chapel as the battle rages and the window gets broken (ep 9)

Best Bromance

• Aramis/Porthos: Treating Porthos’s injury (ep 3)
• Athos/Dog: 'You're more like me...' (ep 8)
• Treville/all four: Treville taking one for the team against Vinnie Jones (ep 8)
• Athos/Aramis: “So we’re good?” “Shout if you need me.” “Why would I need you?” (ep 9)
• Treville/Aramis: burying Marsac in the rain (ep 4)
• All of them: the “all for one” moment (ep 10)

Hottest Shouty Moment

• Athos: "I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU SLEPT WITH THE QUEEN!" (ep 9)
• Aramis: "WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT PORTHOS AT ALL?" (ep 3)

Porthos: “HE’S A SLAVER!” (ep 3)

• Treville: “Any of my musketeers could take on any of your Red Guards!” (ep 8)
• Dog: Shouting at Treville about losing his farm. (ep ?)
• Porthos: "you lying filthy swine!" to Bonnaire (ep 3)

Best Punch

• Athos knocks Porthos out before surgery (ep 3)
• Aramis punches Treville (ep 4)
• Milady punches Constance (ep 10)
• Porthos fist fights to enter the competition and Athos says he’s not even trying.(ep 8)

Funniest King Line / Moment

• “Being King is SO BORING!” (ep ?)
• “Did she just refuse my company?” (ep ?)
• “And now I have to kill my mother!” (Or something like that??) (ep )
• Running away up the stairs from his mum (ep )
• “I went to Gascony once. It was full of sheep and hedges.” (ep )
• “What shall we do about this ‘melon-choly’ business?” (ep )

Funniest Anachronism or Continuity Error

• Dog: “I love it when a plan comes together” (ep 6?)
• Gallacher doing SWAT-style hand signals to his team (ep 9)
• Treville: “You three. My office. Now!” (ep 1)
• Musketeers apparently stop to load up with heavy cooking equipment while on run with Queenie (ep 9)

-Dog and Aramis swap places restraining Porthos (ep3)

• Connie: "it was a metaphor (ep 1)
• Athos wears trainers for duelling with the Duke of Savoy (ep )

Best “got some dust in my eye” Moment

• Aramis cradles dying Sister Helene (ep 9)
• Constance tells Dog she doesn’t love him (ep 10?)
• Drunk Athos at his ancestral home visits the hanging tree and remembers (ep 3)
• Porthos in the Court of Miracles when Charon dies (ep ?)
• Ninion on the pyre (ep ?)

Best Cardinal Facial Expression / Snark Line

• Oh fuck, Queenie heard me admit my dastardly plans! (ep 10)
• Flirty head bob when asking Milady whose side she was on after the fight in The Challenge (ep 8)
• “Effort is not good enough” lusty eyes (ep ?)
• Writhing in agony because he's been poisoned sex face. (ep ?)
• Looking out of the window after he recovered from the poisoning, sun shining on him as he declares that he is unstoppable! (ep ?)

Glowering at the King flirting with Charlotte Mellendorf(ep 9) Eyerolls and sarcastic smile at king being a twatw (ep ?)

• "Undress for me" while licking his lips (ep 1)
• Sire, killing your mother is generally frowned upon by the general population (Or something like that?) (ep )

I think Aramis in stream should stay in & "I've got you" to go.

HIS TROUSERS ARE SEETHRU FFS!

BTW, nice work here you two. I can't wait to vote. Though I'm changing my mind every 2 minutes so it won't be a quick click click click process

What a surprise

Fucking hell this is a work of art wenches.

Amazing work.

Chuffed to bits with my creative services nomination. Id love to win a big gold 'oscar style' cock.

Should we have a list of our number ones, and not be allowed to vote for them? It would make things more balanced out? Or have a separate category where we have to find our favourite line/scene for each main character? Just for fun? A bit like the cardinal one?

Ok sorry, you've done an amazing job, many many thanks vouchers to you both to use within a month. Only condition is you have to wait for The Toddler to be done if he's there, ok?

I'm going to miss Richelieu. I really am.

Hang on hang on! When did we agree cutting aramis shirtless in lake?!

(Will rtft later.)

Can we have a process of agreement to new suggestions please? (Havent had time to look at all this properly yet tbh.) Is that ok or am I being a nazi?

Yes, I'm only musing.
How about favourite episode as a stand alone? It's just I like lots of the nominations, but I have a clear favourite episode IySWIM?

I thought if we provide ep refs, maybe we can add up the votes for each ep (and character) and come up with overall best character and ep. Also, musketeers fans did the straight "fave character / episode thing" already...

However if adding up votes is too complicated or doesn't work, we could have standalone fave episode. Just dont want it to snowball to fave male character, fave female character, etc. Cos our awards are a bit more left field than that iyswim.

Sexiest use of Clothing

• Cardinal in swishy cloak (all?)
• Athos in grey billowy shirt (ep 4)
• Aramis unbuckling belt to use as tourniquet (ep 3)
• Dog in –-bon--bandage (ep 10)

Aramis in grey billowy shirt (ep 8)

• Aramis in grey billowy shirt, braces and necklaces. (Ep 8)

See what i did there. Hehehe.

Sexiest use of Clothing

• Cardinal in swishy cloak (all?)
• Athos in grey billowy shirt (ep 4)
• Aramis unbuckling belt to use as tourniquet (ep 3)
• Dog in –-bon--bandage (ep 10)

Aramis in grey billowy shirt (ep 8)

• Aramis in grey billowy shirt, braces and necklaces. (Ep 8)

porthos in a sheet (EP I can't remember it's been so long since I saw it