Welcome to the TWATS 2014. Please now list your categories and nominations.

[MalcolmTuckersMistress]

Well this is going to cause chaos and probably have no real conclusion to it but I did think that it at least deserves it's own thread.

1.) Please note, this thread is NOT for wenching in. I repeat NO WENCHING. Wenching must continues in the tavern threads only.

2.) NO DISCUSSION OF SANTIAGO AND FOOTBALL. You may nominate him but we don't need 36 pages of "OMGZ I LOVES HIM n his futbowl LOL LOL LOL!!!!111"

3.) Remember when nominating and making up categories that The Cardinal is sexier than any of the other male cast members.

I agree. Ninion is not winning anything as is Gwynneth and Queenie is lovely but let's be fair she doesn't have much.

I should win really but it's between Connie and Milady.

Erm, no, I think you'll find i should win. Ackershally.
I vote Milady.

Am I the only one on here who gives a shit and can be bother cutting and pasting as instructed?

Tavern Wenches Award Trophies!

Best use of a Random Prop

Porthos duel with fork
Mother S cobs brandy bombs
Aramis drops dummy baby
Cardinal strokes knee bone
Books at ninions
Porthos and his melon

Twichiest Vag Moment
It would be our duty and incidently our pleasure. TW
on your knees Mrs Beee and Apricot
Elk - - "No, no, lets keep it suicidal" "shout if you need me" - The bit where he looks up from under his hat whilst strutting up the street in ep1, alley snog scene, as milady takes his pendant, he looks down and then does an extra tilt of his head
Twit - The whipping noise too. Dog and Connie against the cupboard, Richeliue with his hand on Milady's throat when for a split send he thinks about snogging her, you can see his LUSTY EYES. Porthos sliding up next to Alice

Best Seductive Stare

see lurkio's vid

Best Wench Quote

"Save a pancake, toss a Musketeer" malc
" Santi is now banging away at anything that comes near him. He wants it. He wants it badly. madame

Best move with a weapon

Athos morning stretch with sword
Milady with dagger at Athos' throat
Mother S reloading pistol like a gangsta

Sexiest use of Clothing

Cardinal with swishy cloak
Athos grey billowy shirt
Aramis belt unbuckling
Dog with a bone bandage

Best Tits in Corset

Connie
Milady
Ninononon
Queenie
chitty bang bang king's daughter

Worst Guest Star
Vinnie
German guy who looks like the king in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
His daughter with the terrible accent.

Best Bromance

Aramis/Porthos 'The Injury'
Athos/Dog 'You're more like me...'
Treville taking part in the duel with Vinnie to spare his boys.

Best Shouty Scene

Athos - "YOU SLEPT WITH THE QUEEN"
Don't you care about Porthos at all?" as shouted by Aramis at Athos in Ep 3 for best shoutiest moment?
Treville to the Cardinal - "Any of my musketeers could take on any of your red guards!"

Best fight scene

1. death by corden
2. flaming wild pig riding Vinnie versus the masses - musketeers defend the captain Athos taunts Dog in the Challenge to find his weakness

Most likely to be a real life wench
Mother S
Connie

I can't however be bothered writing bothered correctly. tired, bed,
night.

Queenie should win something.

'Most cunning plan to get up duffed and rule France'

trev, wench badge to you for DOING IT PROPERLY. Well done. Night night all.

Oi, Trev, who posted the 'Best King strop' and 'Best Cardinal Facial expression' categories and nominations, hmmm ? I think you'll find it was me.

Fuck sake.

Well here we are then...

And the winner is....

....

....

....

....

THE CARDINAL!

RIGHT Y'ALL CAN FUCK OFF NOW WENCHES.

I think Queenie won quite enough in the series Anne. Bitch

How about Best Use of Cunning* - when she oh so subtly seduced Aramis at his lowest point.

*This says cunning. There is no lingus. Though no doubt that was involved at some point.

Up-date on Episode 10 which I just re-watched any excuse. Athos just says "Kneel".

Note for next wench to amend, can't copy and paste on iPad.

Yes you can apricot I was doing it all fucking day yesterday.

Porthos duel with fork

Mother S cobs brandy bombs
Aramis drops dummy baby
Cardinal strokes knee bone
Books at ninions
Porthos and his melon
Dog smacking Athos around the face with glove

Twichiest Vag Moment
It would be our duty and incidently our pleasure. TW
"Kneel" Mrs Beee and Apricot
Elk - - "No, no, lets keep it suicidal" "shout if you need me" - The bit where he looks up from under his hat whilst strutting up the street in ep1, alley snog scene, as milady takes his pendant, he looks down and then does an extra tilt of his head
Twit - The whipping noise too. Dog and Connie against the cupboard, Richeliue with his hand on Milady's throat when for a split send he thinks about snogging her, you can see his LUSTY EYES. Porthos sliding up next to Alice

Best Seductive Stare

see lurkio's vid

Best Wench Quote

"Save a pancake, toss a Musketeer" malc
" Santi is now banging away at anything that comes near him. He wants it. He wants it badly. madame

Best move with a weapon

Athos morning stretch with sword
Milady with dagger at Athos' throat
Mother S reloading pistol like a gangsta
Athos with sword to Milady's throat

Sexiest use of Clothing

Cardinal with swishy cloak
Athos grey billowy shirt
Aramis belt unbuckling
Dog with a bone bandage

Best Tits in Corset

Connie
Milady
Ninononon
Queenie
chitty bang bang king's daughter

Worst Guest Star
Vinnie
German guy who looks like the king in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
His daughter with the terrible accent.

Best Bromance

Aramis/Porthos 'The Injury'
Athos/Dog 'You're more like me...'
Treville taking part in the duel with Vinnie to spare his boys.

Best Shouty Scene

Athos - "YOU SLEPT WITH THE QUEEN"
Don't you care about Porthos at all?" as shouted by Aramis at Athos in Ep 3 for best shoutiest moment?
Treville to the Cardinal - "Any of my musketeers could take on any of your red guards!"

Best fight scene

1. death by corden
2. flaming wild pig riding Vinnie versus the masses - musketeers defend the captain Athos taunts Dog in the Challenge to find his weakness

Most likely to be a real life wench
Mother S
Connie

very good

Crying with laughter at the death by corden and flaming wild pig riding. That needs tweeting to Adrian Hodges, there must be time to crowbar them into one of the last S2 episodes....

climbs out of orchestra pit with a tuba stuck on her head, looks around for Ninja Cin crouching in the shadows, spies her, throws bongos like brandy bombs at her, cracks Malc over the head with a double bass just for the fun of it
Oi Cin, snarky pants, I was just copying what everyone had already suggested - I was keeping a list, right I can't keep a record of who said what too. I'm neglecting RL as it is.

loves you really

Right adding the updated list with my Cinnamon's fantastic suggestions (copywrite June 2014) and a couple of my own
Tavern Wenches Award Trophies!

Best use of a Random Prop
Porthos duel with fork
Mother S cobs brandy bombs
Aramis drops dummy baby
Cardinal strokes knee bone
Books at ninions
Porthos and his melon
Dog smacking Athos around the face with glove

Twichiest Vag Moment
It would be our duty and incidently our pleasure. TW
"Kneel" Mrs Beee and Apricot
Elk - - "No, no, lets keep it suicidal" "shout if you need me" - The bit where he looks up from under his hat whilst strutting up the street in ep1, alley snog scene, as milady takes his pendant, he looks down and then does an extra tilt of his head
Twit - The whipping noise too. Dog and Connie against the cupboard, Richeliue with his hand on Milady's throat when for a split send he thinks about snogging her, you can see his LUSTY EYES. Porthos sliding up next to Alice
Aramis in the stream?
When Aramis is shouting at Treville about the 20 dead musketeers and he just takes it! oo er TW

Best Seductive Stare
see lurkio's vid
See the real video about seductive stares

Best Wench Quote
"Save a pancake, toss a Musketeer" malc
" Santi is now banging away at anything that comes near him. He wants it. He wants it badly. madame

Best move with a weapon
Athos morning stretch with sword
Milady with dagger at Athos' throat
Mother S reloading pistol like a gangsta
Athos with sword to Milady's throat

Sexiest use of Clothing
Cardinal with swishy cloak
Athos grey billowy shirt
Aramis belt unbuckling
Dog with a bone bandage

Best Tits in Corset
Connie
Milady
Ninononon
Queenie
chitty bang bang king's daughter

Worst Guest Star
Vinnie
German guy who looks like the king in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
His daughter with the terrible accent.

Best Bromance
Aramis/Porthos 'The Injury'
Athos/Dog 'You're more like me...'
Treville taking part in the duel with Vinnie to spare his boys.

Best Shouty Scene
Athos - "YOU SLEPT WITH THE QUEEN"
Don't you care about Porthos at all?" as shouted by Aramis at Athos in Ep 3 for best shoutiest moment?
Treville to the Cardinal - "Any of my musketeers could take on any of your red guards!"

Best fight scene

death by corden
flaming wild pig riding
Vinnie versus the masses - musketeers defend the captain
Athos taunts Dog in the Challenge to find his weakness

Most likely to be a real life wench
Mother S
Connie
Old Crone Tavern wench who gets drunk with Porthos on his birthday
Old Crone Tavern wench who speaks to dog (use of the communal towel is free)

Best King Strop/stupid saying
-Being King is So Boring
-Did she just refuse my company ?
-The King does not make mistakes, you forget yourself Cardinal
I went to Gascony once, it was full of sheep and hedges!

Best Cardinal Facial Expression
-Oh fuck Queenie heard me admit my dastardly plans
-Flirty head bob when asking Milady whose side she was on after the fight in The Challenge
-Effort is not good enough lusty eyes

Another Best Bromance

Athos/Aramis in convent - they wanted you to become a nun?/If you ever complain about assignments being boring blah blah blah stuff

Twitchiest Vage moment:

When they all gallantly appeared through the smoke under the arch

Oh the bold titles are good. I like the bold.

Stops it looking like a big I'lljustscrollstraightonpastthisbit post.

I'm still yet to start working on mine.

I need to get the DVD.

^What Malc said. Hell yeah.

Oh just cause ILYA I'll add those suggestions and cut and paste (I'm obviously the only one using a laptop)
Here we go
Tavern Wenches Award Trophies!

Best use of a Random Prop
Porthos duel with fork
Mother S cobs brandy bombs
Aramis drops dummy baby
Cardinal strokes knee bone
Books at ninions
Porthos and his melon
Dog smacking Athos around the face with glove

Twichiest Vag Moment
It would be our duty and incidently our pleasure. TW
"Kneel" Mrs Beee and Apricot
Elk - - "No, no, lets keep it suicidal" "shout if you need me" - The bit where he looks up from under his hat whilst strutting up the street in ep1, alley snog scene, as milady takes his pendant, he looks down and then does an extra tilt of his head
Twit - The whipping noise too. Dog and Connie against the cupboard, Richeliue with his hand on Milady's throat when for a split send he thinks about snogging her, you can see his LUSTY EYES. Porthos sliding up next to Alice
Aramis in the stream?
When Aramis is shouting at Treville about the 20 dead musketeers and he just takes it! oo er TW
When they all gallantly appeared through the smoke under the arch
Malc and Sparkle

Best Seductive Stare
see lurkio's vid
See the real video about seductive stares

Best Wench Quote
"Save a pancake, toss a Musketeer" malc
" Santi is now banging away at anything that comes near him. He wants it. He wants it badly. madame

Best move with a weapon
Athos morning stretch with sword
Milady with dagger at Athos' throat
Mother S reloading pistol like a gangsta
Athos with sword to Milady's throat

Sexiest use of Clothing
Cardinal with swishy cloak
Athos grey billowy shirt
Aramis belt unbuckling
Dog with a bone bandage

Best Tits in Corset
Connie
Milady
Ninononon
Queenie
chitty bang bang king's daughter

Worst Guest Star
Vinnie
German guy who looks like the king in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
His daughter with the terrible accent.

Best Bromance
Aramis/Porthos 'The Injury'
Athos/Dog 'You're more like me...'
Treville taking part in the duel with Vinnie to spare his boys.
Athos/Aramis in the Convent - "the wanted you to become a nun?"/"If I ever complain about assignments......"

Best Shouty Scene
Athos - "YOU SLEPT WITH THE QUEEN"
Don't you care about Porthos at all?" as shouted by Aramis at Athos in Ep 3 for best shoutiest moment?
Treville to the Cardinal - "Any of my musketeers could take on any of your red guards!"

Best fight scene

death by corden
flaming wild pig riding
Vinnie versus the masses - musketeers defend the captain
Athos taunts Dog in the Challenge to find his weakness

Most likely to be a real life wench
Mother S
Connie
Old Crone Tavern wench who gets drunk with Porthos on his birthday
Old Crone Tavern wench who speaks to dog (use of the communal towel is free)

8Best King Strop/stupid saying*
-Being King is So Boring
-Did she just refuse my company ?
-The King does not make mistakes, you forget yourself Cardinal
I went to Gascony once, it was full of sheep and hedges!

Best Cardinal Facial Expression
-Oh fuck Queenie heard me admit my dastardly plans
-Flirty head bob when asking Milady whose side she was on after the fight in The Challenge
-Effort is not good enough lusty eyes

Best cardinal face surely has to be his writhing in agony because he's been poisoned sex face.

Best Cardinal Face

Looking out of the window after he recovered from the poisoning., sunshine shining on him as he declares that he is unstoppable!

Then...

Lusty eyes
Queen has sussed me
Epic sex poison face
Glowering at the King flirting with German kings daughter
Many rolling of eyes and sarcastic smile at king being a twat
"Undress for me" as he licks his lips

Fuck it there are too many!

Good work TW and norah... The rest of you are rubbish.

I vote with Sparkle on bromance. Athos and Aramis in the convent fo sho

Also Flea needs to be in the most likely to be a RL wench.

Sorry am not C&P as twat DH has stole laptop and am on phone.