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Welcome to the TWATS 2014. Please now list your categories and nominations.

275 replies

MalcolmTuckersMistress · 11/06/2014 11:29

Well this is going to cause chaos and probably have no real conclusion to it but I did think that it at least deserves it's own thread.

1.) Please note, this thread is NOT for wenching in. I repeat NO WENCHING. Wenching must continues in the tavern threads only.

2.) NO DISCUSSION OF SANTIAGO AND FOOTBALL. You may nominate him but we don't need 36 pages of "OMGZ I LOVES HIM n his futbowl LOL LOL LOL!!!!111"

3.) Remember when nominating and making up categories that The Cardinal is sexier than any of the other male cast members.

OP posts:
Flopsy28 · 12/06/2014 21:41

Flea is getting nothing the little skank.

trevilleswench · 12/06/2014 21:44

Thanks Flopsy - can I just borrow your bongs for a sec? Grin

Bong TWAT update
Tavern Wenches Award Trophies!

Best use of a Random Prop
Porthos duel with fork
Mother S cobs brandy bombs
Aramis drops dummy baby
Cardinal strokes knee bone
Books at ninions
Porthos and his melon
Dog smacking Athos around the face with glove

Twichiest Vag Moment
It would be our duty and incidently our pleasure. TW
"Kneel" Mrs Beee and Apricot
Elk - - "No, no, lets keep it suicidal" "shout if you need me" - The bit where he looks up from under his hat whilst strutting up the street in ep1, alley snog scene, as milady takes his pendant, he looks down and then does an extra tilt of his head
Twit - The whipping noise too. Dog and Connie against the cupboard, Richeliue with his hand on Milady's throat when for a split send he thinks about snogging her, you can see his LUSTY EYES. Porthos sliding up next to Alice
Aramis in the stream?
When Aramis is shouting at Treville about the 20 dead musketeers and he just takes it! oo er TW
When they all gallantly appeared through the smoke under the arch
Malc and Sparkle

Best Seductive Stare
see lurkio's vid
See the real video about seductive stares

Best Wench Quote
"Save a pancake, toss a Musketeer" malc
" Santi is now banging away at anything that comes near him. He wants it. He wants it badly. madame

Best move with a weapon
Athos morning stretch with sword
Milady with dagger at Athos' throat
Mother S reloading pistol like a gangsta
Athos with sword to Milady's throat

Sexiest use of Clothing
Cardinal with swishy cloak
Athos grey billowy shirt
Aramis belt unbuckling
Dog with a bone bandage

Best Tits in Corset
Connie
Milady
Ninononon
Queenie
chitty bang bang king's daughter

Worst Guest Star
Vinnie
German guy who looks like the king in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
His daughter with the terrible accent.

Best Bromance
Aramis/Porthos 'The Injury'
Athos/Dog 'You're more like me...'
Treville taking part in the duel with Vinnie to spare his boys.
Athos/Aramis in the Convent - "the wanted you to become a nun?"/"If I ever complain about assignments......"

Best Shouty Scene
Athos - "YOU SLEPT WITH THE QUEEN"
Don't you care about Porthos at all?" as shouted by Aramis at Athos in Ep 3 for best shoutiest moment?
Treville to the Cardinal - "Any of my musketeers could take on any of your red guards!"

Best fight scene

death by corden
flaming wild pig riding
Vinnie versus the masses - musketeers defend the captain
Athos taunts Dog in the Challenge to find his weakness

Most likely to be a real life wench
Mother S
Connie
Old Crone Tavern wench who gets drunk with Porthos on his birthday
Old Crone Tavern wench who speaks to dog (use of the communal towel is free)
Aramis' old love/nun - the one who got shot

Best King Strop/stupid saying
-Being King is So Boring
-Did she just refuse my company ?
-The King does not make mistakes, you forget yourself Cardinal
I went to Gascony once, it was full of sheep and hedges!

Best Cardinal Facial Expression
-Oh fuck Queenie heard me admit my dastardly plans
-Flirty head bob when asking Milady whose side she was on after the fight in The Challenge
-Effort is not good enough lusty eyes
his writhing in agony because he's been poisoned sex face.
Looking out of the window after he recovered from the poisoning., sunshine shining on him as he declares that he is unstoppable!
Lusty eyes
Queen has sussed me
Epic sex poison face
Glowering at the King flirting with German kings daughter
Many rolling of eyes and sarcastic smile at king being a twat
"Undress for me" as he licks his lips

MadamedeChevreuse · 12/06/2014 23:05

FFS. Best fight scene is a wench category!!!!! You can't mix it up with musketeer scenes!!!!

And it's "Tavern Wenches' Awards and Trophies", OK?????? Note the possessive apostrophe and the "and", due to the fact that we have "awards" for the musketeers, and "trophies" for us, right????

And where is my best sex boast category? (Also a wench category, btw!!!!)

IM SO TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

trevilleswench · 12/06/2014 23:27

Don't shoot the fucking messenger you grammar Nazi!

trevilleswench · 12/06/2014 23:40

For the last time..... have you any idea how long it takes me to cut and paste, add in all your ramblings/rants wonderful suggestions and then go through and jazz it up with bold and shit? There had better be some bellinis with my name on at this awards show and I better not be sitting at the back by the toilets.

Tavern Wenches' Award and Trophies

Best use of a Random Prop
Porthos duel with fork
Mother S cobs brandy bombs
Aramis drops dummy baby
Cardinal strokes knee bone
Books at ninions
Porthos and his melon
Dog smacking Athos around the face with glove

Twichiest Vag Moment
It would be our duty and incidently our pleasure. TW
"Kneel" Mrs Beee and Apricot
Elk - - "No, no, lets keep it suicidal" "shout if you need me" - The bit where he looks up from under his hat whilst strutting up the street in ep1, alley snog scene, as milady takes his pendant, he looks down and then does an extra tilt of his head
Twit - The whipping noise too. Dog and Connie against the cupboard, Richeliue with his hand on Milady's throat when for a split send he thinks about snogging her, you can see his LUSTY EYES. Porthos sliding up next to Alice
Aramis in the stream?
When Aramis is shouting at Treville about the 20 dead musketeers and he just takes it! oo er TW
When they all gallantly appeared through the smoke under the arch
Malc and Sparkle

Best Seductive Stare
see lurkio's vid
See the real video about seductive stares

Best Wench Quote
"Save a pancake, toss a Musketeer" malc
" Santi is now banging away at anything that comes near him. He wants it. He wants it badly. madame

Best wench sex boast

Best move with a weapon
Athos morning stretch with sword
Milady with dagger at Athos' throat
Mother S reloading pistol like a gangsta
Athos with sword to Milady's throat

Sexiest use of Clothing
Cardinal with swishy cloak
Athos grey billowy shirt
Aramis belt unbuckling
Dog with a bone bandage

Best Tits in Corset
Connie
Milady
Ninononon
Queenie
chitty bang bang king's daughter

Worst Guest Star
Vinnie
German guy who looks like the king in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
His daughter with the terrible accent.

Best Bromance
Aramis/Porthos 'The Injury'
Athos/Dog 'You're more like me...'
Treville taking part in the duel with Vinnie to spare his boys.
Athos/Aramis in the Convent - "the wanted you to become a nun?"/"If I ever complain about assignments......"

Best Shouty Scene
Athos - "YOU SLEPT WITH THE QUEEN"
Don't you care about Porthos at all?" as shouted by Aramis at Athos in Ep 3 for best shoutiest moment?
Treville to the Cardinal - "Any of my musketeers could take on any of your red guards!"

Best fight scene (wench)
death by corden
flaming wild pig riding
Hannah fighting and hair pulling in Lurky's video

Best fight scene (musketeers)
Vinnie versus the masses - musketeers defend the captain
Athos taunts Dog in the Challenge to find his weakness
Convent siege

Most likely to be a real life wench
Mother S
Connie
Old Crone Tavern wench who gets drunk with Porthos on his birthday
Old Crone Tavern wench who speaks to dog (use of the communal towel is free)
Aramis' old love/nun - the one who got shot
Flea

Best King Strop/stupid saying
-Being King is So Boring
-Did she just refuse my company ?
-The King does not make mistakes, you forget yourself Cardinal
I went to Gascony once, it was full of sheep and hedges!

Best Cardinal Facial Expression
-Oh fuck Queenie heard me admit my dastardly plans
-Flirty head bob when asking Milady whose side she was on after the fight in The Challenge
-Effort is not good enough lusty eyes
his writhing in agony because he's been poisoned sex face.
Looking out of the window after he recovered from the poisoning., sunshine shining on him as he declares that he is unstoppable!
Lusty eyes
Queen has sussed me
Epic sex poison face
Glowering at the King flirting with German kings daughter
Many rolling of eyes and sarcastic smile at king being a twat
"Undress for me" as he licks his lips

Sparklegeek · 13/06/2014 07:45

Can I just ask everyone to vote for Malc & me for Twitchiest Vag Moment Smile

QueenAnneofAustriaSpain · 13/06/2014 09:17

You can copy and paste on shite pad. Hold and then the little blue dot things come up, expand to cover area copy then hold finger down paste - voila.

Stinkle · 13/06/2014 09:30

We also need best Athos Sex Face

Hannah for Athos Sex Face TM (can't do the mini TM on my shitepad)
Mavis for The Definitive Sex Face

trevilleswench · 13/06/2014 14:10

Sparkle - didn't know you and Malc had a twitchy vag moment together - details??? Wink

Sorry about being shouty last night. Don't know what came over me.
Wine for Madame. sorry about calling you a grammar Nazi, I know your correction is for my own good Hmm sounds kinky!

MadamedeChevreuse · 13/06/2014 15:23

It's fine trev. I'm sorry. I am a grammar nazi. I try to suppress it as best I can though. Just call me Dr Strangelove. (But don't hyphenate it, or I'll kill you.)

Sparkle what is this sparkle and malc shit in the Twitchiest Vag Moment category???? ie a Musketeer category??? DON'T MIX THE CATEGORIES!!!!

I will get on this at some point and contribute as opposed to just criticising. I promise.

Sparklegeek · 13/06/2014 16:29

Just to clarify. Me & Malc didn't have a Twitchiest Vag Moment. No did we insert it cough into the wrong category. I think we nominated what's in the line above re the 4 of them slo-mo walking throughout the smoke. But it mad me Grin as it looks like we are a nomination.

Which is fine by me. But bloody hell. I won't mention it again.

MadamedeChevreuse · 13/06/2014 22:41

Oh right, not a nomination then.

I will get onto this (with Word comments and track changes) at the weekend. Be afraid / ready to tell me to fuck off.

Flopsy28 · 14/06/2014 21:41

Woah woah woah grammar nazi madame, I was led to believe that TWATS stood for Tavern Wenches Award Trophies, as in us, the tavern wenches (plural) are awarding trophies......I'm rarely wrong with grammar

MadamedeChevreuse · 14/06/2014 22:04

It did. I suggested some time ago we change it to what I said above, cos it works better with the two categories of wench and musketeer. Alrighty?

Add message | Report | Message poster MalcolmTuckersMistress Sat 14-Jun-14 20:52:39
I AM GOING TO RIDE THAT PAN HANDLE UNTIL HIS KIDNEYS BURST OUT HIS EARS!

^ Nomination for best sex boast. Will do cutting and pasting later.

trevilleswench · 15/06/2014 13:01

New Wench categories:

Randiest wench
Could be any of us but I nominate Hannah and MTM and Drink as particularly randy.

Best Porn Writer
Apparently WW says Hannah
Any others got to go in this category can't be bothered checking back through thread

Funniest Tweet to one of the actors/production team
Hannah - Porthos: mines a large one and the one about Roger being mounted by Athos.
Letus - Roger and the long face, dogtanian and no pants (I liked it!)
Malc with her baps out, half hidden by a musketeers DVD (since deleted)
Sparkle - Santi number 9 like the notches on Aramis' bed post.

Can't think of any others and I'm not following all of you I don't think- contributions please?

MadamedeChevreuse · 15/06/2014 13:43

Err....if we're going to tweet the twats to the production team (tbc) can we not have a category about our tweets to the production team? Looks a bit...twattish.

trevilleswench · 15/06/2014 13:53

Oh are we? won't that lead back to the Tavern if we do that though?Blush

OK scrap that, just a suggestion.

Don't be mardy Madame - here, have one of these -Wine it's the weekend!

trevilleswench · 15/06/2014 14:09

Just remembered in Randiest Wench should we have Anne for early morning BJ (very good wenchy behaviour)

Where is everyone? Madame that's you and me on the judging panel if no one else bothers turning up on the thread I reckon!

MadamedeChevreuse · 15/06/2014 16:23

Ah, I dunno trev, twattering the Awards was just an idea I think, I did say tbc. Probably not tbh. (Cos of 140 char word count etc.) So go with your category, if we do twatter them, we can always leave it out. I'm in a reet shit mood this weekend (just PMT probably). Just ignore me.

I fear the TWATS are losing momentum. (like the clit lit.) Maybe we should start narrowing down the number of categories and nominations weeding out the less funny ones ? When that's done if people give a shit we can repost on the main thread to regain general interest?

I've got some ideas but have a mammoth amount of shit to do and am ill, as usual. Probably cant do rewatch tonight either. :( Please don't be closing nominations any time soon? Give it another week ish?

trevilleswench · 15/06/2014 18:17

Sorry you feel crap Madame Brew.

I'll do a bit of cut and pasting to tidy up what is here and add in the scant few suggestions. Then yes - lets just decide what to keep and what to ditch and repost on the other thread. Good plan plus we can do what we like because we are joint presidents of the TWAT Academy awards!

Hope you feel better soon and get a good nights sleep. I know what its like to live with chronic pain and I really do feel for you. xx

trevilleswench · 15/06/2014 18:45

Tavern Wenches' Award and Trophies

Best use of a Random Prop
Porthos duel with fork
Mother S cobs brandy bombs
Aramis drops dummy baby
Cardinal strokes knee bone
Books at ninions
Porthos and his melon
Dog smacking Athos around the face with glove

Twichiest Vag Moment
It would be our duty and incidently our pleasure. nominated by TW
"Kneel" nominated by Mrs Beee and Apricot
"No, no, lets keep it suicidal" "shout if you need me" - The bit where he looks up from under his hat whilst strutting up the street in ep1, alley snog scene, as milady takes his pendant, he looks down and then does an extra tilt of his head All nominated by Elk
The whipping noise too. Dog and Connie against the cupboard, Richeliue with his hand on Milady's throat when for a split send he thinks about snogging her, you can see his LUSTY EYES. Porthos sliding up next to Alice all nominated by twit
Aramis in the stream with his kit off. nominated by TW for team Aramis
When Aramis is shouting at Treville about the 20 dead musketeers and he just takes it! oo er nominated by TW
When they all gallantly appeared through the smoke under the arch nominated by Malc and Sparkle
Aramis finally kisses the Queen as nominated by TW on behalf of Team Aramis who seem to have fallen into a lethargic stupor.

Best Seductive Stare
see lurkio's vid
See the real video about seductive stares

Best Wench Quote
"Save a pancake, toss a Musketeer" malc
" Santi is now banging away at anything that comes near him. He wants it. He wants it badly. madame
Cin - I like the Athos/Roger clip. I like that Tom's tone of voice and expression are screaming, "The BBC are my employers and they are making me record this clip. But the World Cup and everything football-related are utterly pointless, and I fart on them with gusto. And so does Roger".
Hannah – growlers (copywrite june 2014)
Elk – (channelling The Hooligan factory) C'mon TB, get yer no-ob out, get yer no-ob out, get yer nob out for the lads/lasses
Sparkle - Well if TB's got any input then it'll be cocks out at dawn.
Anne – on talking about not wanting to see breasts on the Musketeers should they sex it up . I have a sterling pair that I have seen a lot I dont need to see others jiggling around.”

Best move with a weapon
Athos morning stretch with sword
Milady with dagger at Athos' throat
Mother S reloading pistol like a gangsta
Athos with sword to Milady's throat

Sexiest use of Clothing
Cardinal with swishy cloak
Athos grey billowy shirt
Aramis belt unbuckling
Dog with a bone bandage

Best Tits in Corset
Connie
Milady
Ninononon
Queenie
chitty bang bang king's daughter
the one with the baby

Worst Guest Star
Vinnie
German guy who looks like the king in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
His daughter with the terrible accent.

Best Bromance
Aramis/Porthos 'The Injury'
Athos/Dog 'You're more like me...'
Treville taking part in the duel with Vinnie to spare his boys.
Athos/Aramis in the Convent - "the wanted you to become a nun?"/"If I ever complain about assignments......"

Best Shouty Scene
Athos - "YOU SLEPT WITH THE QUEEN"
Don't you care about Porthos at all?" as shouted by Aramis at Athos in Ep 3 for best shoutiest moment?
Treville to the Cardinal - "Any of my musketeers could take on any of your red guards!"
Dog shouts at the Cardinal about the loss of his farm and his need for justice.

Best fight scene/general (wench)
death by corden
flaming wild pig riding
Hannah fighting and hair pulling in Lurky's video

Best fight scene (musketeers)
Vinnie versus the masses - musketeers defend the captain
Athos taunts Dog in the Challenge to find his weakness
Convent siege
Aramis shouts at Treville about the 20 dead musketeers then punches him to the ground.

Most likely to be a real life wench
Mother S
Connie
Old Crone Tavern wench who gets drunk with Porthos on his birthday
Old Crone Tavern wench who speaks to dog (use of the communal towel is free)
Aramis' old love/nun - the one who got shot
Flea

Best King Strop/stupid saying
-Being King is So Boring
-Did she just refuse my company ?
-The King does not make mistakes, you forget yourself Cardinal
I went to Gascony once, it was full of sheep and hedges!

Best Cardinal Facial Expression
-Oh fuck Queenie heard me admit my dastardly plans
-Flirty head bob when asking Milady whose side she was on after the fight in The Challenge
-Effort is not good enough lusty eyes
his writhing in agony because he's been poisoned sex face.
Looking out of the window after he recovered from the poisoning., sunshine shining on him as he declares that he is unstoppable!
Lusty eyes
Glowering at the King flirting with German kings daughter
Many rolling of eyes and sarcastic smile at king being a twat
"Undress for me" as he licks his lips

Randiest wench
MTM for graphic descriptions of what she would do to PC! example I AM GOING TO RIDE THAT PAN HANDLE UNTIL HIS KIDNEYS BURST OUT HIS EARS!
Hannah for general services to randy descriptons and phrasing.
Comtesse for general randy shenanigans with DH and sharing with the group.
Drink for graphic depictions of PB lust
Jess for daily shirt update on her PB (no defunct)
Whoever shared a dream about giving a BJ to Dog in an alleyway.
Anne for morning BJ's and sharing with the group.

Funniest Tweet to one of the actors/production team
Hannah - Porthos: mines a large one and the one about Roger being mounted by Athos.
Letus - Roger and the long face, dogtanian and no pants (I liked it!)
Malc with her baps out, half hidden by a musketeers DVD (since deleted)
Sparkle - Santi shirt number 9 like the notches on Aramis' bed post.
TW about being excited about football but really channeling king Louis

best Athos sex face
Hannah for Athos Sex Face
Mavis for The Definitive Sex Face

Right that's that I think for now.

LetUsPrey · 15/06/2014 20:56

Sterling work TW. Is the plan to do one per weekend or something?

MadamedeChevreuse · 15/06/2014 21:52

Thanks trev Flowers I'm OK now, just doing some TWATS collating in a Word doc cos the above is doing my head in a bit. I'll see if I can find a way to share it.

I dunno letus, one a week might take too long...I have no idea tbh how we'll actually do it.

QueenAnneofAustriaSpain · 15/06/2014 22:14

I cannot manage this thread too... but sterling work the two of you.

MadamedeChevreuse · 15/06/2014 22:39

Right I've done my document. But missed the effing rewatch. And the link to the new thread.

Trev, no worries if you'd rather not, but if you're ok to, do you have an email address you can PM me? So I can send you this document...

Im now going for a lone rewatch of half of episode 1.