Was anyone else at Snape Maltings today? Did Alan get his table?

[WonderfulSmith]

Before I start I know it’s none of my business and I’m a bad person I’m sure but…

I was at Snape Maltings today which is a nice arts centre with a lovely shop selling all sorts of home wares and furniture. It’s very quiet and sedate.
Anyway, a woman started yelling at her husband. The whole place was pretending not to listen while giving each other looks. Turned out that he had ordered a perfectly innocent side table without talking to her about it first. She demanded that he cancel the order and he refused. He sat down on a sofa in the shop and she went and sat in the car. Every so often she’d come back and stick her head around the door, tell him the table was disgusting, and stomp back out.

When we left, Alan was still sat on the sofa. But I want to know how it ended. Are they still there now? Did Alan cancel the order?

Were any of you there?

@Wasitabadger you might be onto something: I'm visiting The Red House next month and am now wondering if I'll have time to pop over to Snape as well, just to soak in the atmosphere.

Alan seems the kind of person given his fine taste in tables who would make an excellent player of the game of games (Mornington Crescent). Indeed I suspect he may well have been the man from Golders Green who partook in the eleven month game a few years ago, and has now retired to Suffolk expecting a much quieter life. How wrong he was.

I think Snape Maltings is going to become a Mumsnet Mecca.

The Red House might be good but did William Morris do side tables of such repute Harpy

Brilliant thread.

@DrPrunesqualer as is extensively documented, Morris lamented the disgusting-ness of his side tables on his deathbed, but what is less well-known is that in his later years he was trying to do a deal with Karl Benz to move into interior design for cars, saying that "people need a beautiful place where they may seethe". If only this had come to fruition!

I like the table. Alan has good taste. But maybe he's a shopaholic and she snapped (& farted)

Snape Maltings is definitely the sort of place that could be a MN Mecca.

If you're tempted to go this weekend, the first Saturday of the month it holds a Farmers Market where you can buy delicacies at triple the price of Tesco.

Wow, do you have anymore information on this ? I'd love to know what happened.

My DH sometimes makes random purchases, luckily he stays clear of interiors.

This thread has just got better and better. @FortuneFaded I laughed so much at "inlaid with treachery" 🤣 Classics please 🙏

Hampstead Theatre used to have a month where plays could be submitted for consideration. Couldn't find the dates on their website.

I think the monologue about Alan should be submitted, hopefully there is another theatre that considers plays being submitted by anyone.

Last time I went, there was a makers' market. After I'd sampled most flavours of the artisan (natch 🙄) gin, I succumbed to a bamboo chopping board.

I love the clothes in the main shop but I am generously proportioned and £139 is rather a lot for a skirt that won't. quite. do. up.

I love this @LlynTegid Are we still having Toby Jones as Alan?
i think Snape Maltings should give @WonderfulSmith a voucher for this excellent thread and the free publicity. Do you know what a tapenade is? 😁

@LeavesOnTrees I gather he was banned from art galleries as well due to increasing numbers of Tanzanian wooden sculptures appearing.
Rich as Croesus.

Is a vintage copy of Woman’s Weekly involved ( though I think Mr and Mrs Alan are more Country Life than knitting patterns, or possibly the Waitrose magazine if they have been saving for their trip to the Maltings)

Is it worth organising a mumsnet coach trip from the south west of England to Snape Maltings?

There maybe many followers of Alan who would like to see the sacred Side Table and the couch where he rested.

I’m in! I’ll bring my flask in case the coffee is stronger than Mellow Birds. 😆

I'll come!
Love Snape Maltings but I don't live near there now.

Im thinking of flying in ffs

I want the table and I want Alan to be sat here advertising said table

Im seeing him in a tank top and sporting a tache

I see Alan as a man who has lived in a house that's not his home, and this one teeny bit of furniture, is his way of stamping his place - without ruffling feathers - only it did

I have to say, I have the most ugliest coffee table known to mankind, DH got a slice of a tree, sanded, waxed, varnished, added legs

Its horrible

But I suck it up knowing it will end up on the fire at some point, cos hes so proud of it

🤣🤣🤣

You know when something becomes iconic and it gets given a name?
Like - The Birkin, or The Kelly in the handbag world, or The Rachel or The Princess Di in hair couture.
There is now going to be a side table called The Alan...

Ta da!

I'm currently working on the details for the Bristol Chapter of The Followers of Alan pilgrimage (which I'm hoping will be an annual event).

Leave Bristol 7am
Stop at Leigh Delamere services for a pee and a brew
Stop at South Mimms services for a pee and a brew.
Arrive at Snape Maltings
Procession to the furniture hall.
Quick service of thanks to Alan.
Leave offerings at The Couch of Alan.
Touch the Sacred Side Table.
Quiet reflection time/prayers.
Break for a pee and a brew.
Group discussion
Feast in honour of Alan.
Film on the life and times of Alan.
Break for a pee and a brew.
Conclusion of the days events. Thanks to our hosts.
Return to coach
Stop at South Mimms for a pee and a brew
Stop at Leigh Delamere for a pee and a brew.
Arrive at IKEA Bristol around 11pm.

@AquaTofana That is an Alantastic find! I hope Alan finds this thread and has to buy it for his side tables of doom.

@MrsMoastyToasty I am in! I will join you from Bristol. We can even hire Happy Al’s coaches. They aren’t local to Bristol, but I am sure if we explain the importance and reverence of Alan, they will oblige.
https://www.alscoaches.com

Will the name Alan surge up the baby name charts after this? There certainly is something magical about the name, especially connected to Snape. A must for any Harry Potter and occasional furniture fans.

I called dp Alan when he did something not to my liking. We will forget in time why I started calling him Alan.

Is anyone on your trip allowed to buy their own souvenir table?