The wholesome village Facebook page 🙄

[AngelicaElizaAndPeggy]

What's kicking off on yours this evening? A police car has just been spotted by someone who has eagerly reported it on our page- everyone is now going nuts in the comments but secretly I know for a fact they're all really nosey and want to know if the kids have set fire to the bus stop again.

Last week the same kids were all named and shamed in some CCTV footage from someone's doorbell cam and it all became hugely messy.

A mum has also been selling Christmas glasses that look like they're full of gin but are actually candles. You can have your name written on for an extra fiver.

Well, this all seems like a job for Seargent Angle

The peacocks. Very heated - really noisy, should be “under proper control” (?), vs beautiful animals we should be grateful to see.

Ours has a message most weeks from some London mum who just loves our semi rural town and needs to know where’s “ good” to live.
Admittedly it’s a nice town. There are no bad estates as all the old council housing was bought up in the 80’s, and new HA is mixed ( well vetted) into the tasteful new build estates. However all the housing is now only affordable to those on Inner London weighting.
Mum also needs to know what “A outdoor groups”are available for her and kids. Completely missing the point of moving to the countryside and therefore being able to get on a bike or walk whenever you want. Invariably she’ll want to set up either a cooking or yoga school.
Even the die hard fans of the town are getting a bit recalcitrant now.

Thats what the closest towns fb is like at the moment. Nearly all of the same apart drom the cars :) @Freehugs

Someone has posted explaining that the ghost figures they lovingly created and set out in their garden are NOT Ku Klux Klan figures but innocent GHOSTS and the confusion has arisen from the fact that they also 'hung' a dummy from their tree. They are perplexed that people assumed the figures were KKK because they do not have pointed hats on.

I live in serene and blissful ignorance, because the hate, judgement and furious indignation on ours led me to close down my fb account. All of it. The whole fucking thing. Very happy now.

I live in the city and like anonymity and no I don’t participate in the local sm or fb page
Local Sm is tittle tattle and indignation. People with fuck all else to do frankly

Some of these are hilarious. Ours is very quiet.Final total of MacMillans cake sale and an offer to make a small book exchange cupboard.

We also are on our DS2 which is nearby. It has much more traffic. Recently there have been...does anyone know the farmer who owns these sheep because they are heading towards the main roads. These are different sheep to last weeks and do not belong to that farmer. Photos of the delicious cakes sold at the local shop. These are displayed every day and are often gone by lunchtime. Photos and reminders that the pizza van will be calling. Menu from the local pub.
Reminder about the Halloween trail. How you can get involved and were to buy a quiz sheet.

Our little Welsh village was reported from on CNN so everyone's going on about that.

@longcoffee - Recommendations for a regressionist

A what now? I've googled but it didn't help.

@Peachypips78

Over 100 bags of dog poo found in a hedge when it was trimmed.

A Chinese takeaway that was UNEATEN (oh the horror) thrown into Roger's garden (it wouldn't have happened in his day).

The churchyard is a disgrace - two camps in this discussion- one side wants a beautiful trimmed garden and the other wants to leave it for the bees. Apparently generations of Lewises have been buried there and it's an insult to their memory to leave it as it is

Just how horrible is your local Chinese then, Peachypips78?

I'm fascinated by all of these, I don't have this facebook group... or maybe I do and nobody's told me? Also possible. Or perhaps they have and I wasn't paying attention. Very likely.

Dog poop- the parish council paid for cans of special spray paint to highlight the dog poo, so now we have rainbow poo all over the village. Then someone child picked up a pink-spray-painted-poo thinking it was something nice 🤢 and it all kicked off in FB.

Laughing my head off at FortunesFave KKK ghosties

@Lockheart
The general consensus is Mars. ET's bike lights has been suggested too

Body Shop at Home and Avon huns trying to sell lots of product by claiming they’re donating it to Nurses and no one is making any profit (of course you’re not making a profit but your MLM’s doing nicely out of your naivety).

Air Ambulance over the village green lots of place marking by saying ‘hope everyone is okay’ so they can find out what’s gone on.

‘Does anyone know if the supermarket in the village is busy around 7pm time and what the opening hours are?’

Post about the brilliant community fridge we have in our village for anyone struggling - it helps redeem the other crap of the type we all get on these FB community pages.

@Backtoblack1

Arguments about leaving sweets out for kids for Halloween. In Wales so we are not meant to be trick or treating

Think I’ve just started that debate on ours...

@TheHighestSardine according to Wikipedia it's:

'One who travels back in time. (psychotherapy) One who carries out regressions, inducing a patient to act out behaviour typical of an earlier developmental stage.'

Which sounds about the standard sort of recommendation we get asked about. I'm not usually much help 😬

Litter picker's photos
FSMs
Pumpkin halloween trails
Cats for rehoming
Someone trying to sell half an hour with a unicorn horse wearing a horn on its head for £60

Early in the day someone posted about a big bonfire and that authorities had been informed. Perhaps clumsily worded as it turns out the poster was the bonfire lighter and just wanted to let people know authorities knew about it in case anyone reported the fire. People thought the poster was complaining so it kicked off until someone turned commenting off.

Big discussion about major burnouts and skids (vehicular this time) in the area.

Surprisingly, no loose cows/sheep reported today/tonight but probably they won't be noticed missing until the morning.

Excitement plus.

We’ve got:

• Anyone know what can be done about the feral kids
• thanks for the shit show firework display; you took too long to light each one,

and my favourite...

• does anyone know a good medium to help us deal with a poltergeist problem

Teenagers daring to walk about as a group of 3.

Too many people taking part in the halloween trail.

People walking in the park.

Oh & I got told off/piled on for calling someone 'Karen' when what I actually wrote was;

Oh for goodness sake. Again? Karen (bold is me tagging an actual Karen who lives in the village). In the 5 min it took her to respond about 18 people had had a go at me

Our London one has got a post called 'Owls going berserk tonight' hahhaaha

@JammyDodgersandPeas

Constant constant CONSTANT arguments about LTN (low traffic neighbourhoods)

THIS. I keep trying not to get sucked in...

Oh for goodness sake. Again? Karen (bold is me tagging an actual Karen who lives in the village). In the 5 min it took her to respond about 18 people had had a go at me hmm

That’s quite funny 😁. Did anyone apologise?

Dog poop, with pics...lovely.
Planning permission somewhere.
Tractors making the road muddy.