Which sentence did you say today that you'd never have said a month ago?

[Bluewavescrashing]

Me- 'Wash your hands, you've just touched the post!'

“Don’t worry I’ve cleaned the money”

My DH,
‘Do we need anything from the shop?’

‘Have we got enough Aptimal?’

I wish I could be furloughed!

I’m going out for my daily exercise

Do you like my new day jammies?

"Just eat the banana, it's not that black." DH wanted to throw away a (tbf, fucking gross, over ripe) banana in favour of a nicer yellow one. But I've turned into a warden about wasting food and eating too much food.

@FTMF30 very, very overripe bananas are perfect for baking - pancakes, cakes or muffins come up much better with the extra sugars (that’s all the gross brown stuff is!). Mary Berry’s banana loaf is my favourite and is so easy to make.

“I don’t care what you’re arguing about. For the love of god, just stick Netflix on and be quiet for an hour!”

‘I’m going to make an eye bath for the dog...’

‘I can’t run a business and a school by myself...’

‘The Freddo frogs are rationed’

'Their bag of shopping doesn't look essential. Seems like an excuse to go out for the second time today!' - I said, looking at their completely opaque bags for life.

'I'll just chop up what's left and add it to tomorrow's parsnip soup.' Homemade soup. On a Thursday! What is this madness?!

'You can make your own hand gel you know...'

To DGM, “ I’ll look out for beans, but I can’t promise anything”

Whispered to dh "can your colleagues see me hanging the washing up"?

me: I got loo roll
DS (15): good news, I was getting a bit worried.

I went to Aldi yesterday and i Put the shopping in the boot and threw the loo roll on the back seat. I was walking away to out the trolley away I had a genuine thought that someone might smash my window to get my supplies

Telling my 9 year old that I've arranged some Zoom conference calls for her with her friends........!

Phone call to my brother:
"How are you? You don't have a cough or fever do you?"

DH: "We'll have to take the car out for a run soon".

Me: "Guess how many people died today".

Me to DSis: " Did BIL get a letter from the Government?".

Me in M&S: "Can we only buy 3 bananas?"

Some of these have had me in tears of laughter, I need to go and wash the rest of my mascara off and re-apply it.

Last time I went out to pick up loo roll I put it into a plastic bag then popped it into my shopper. I was convinced I was going to get mugged!

Yes DH, work as late as you like. Work all night if you wish, my sweetest darling.

Otherwise known as GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY

I shouldn't order any clothes, bringing the parcel might put the postman in unnecessary danger

DH's colleague: "Are you enjoying the waitress service?" when I put down lunch and he indicated a 'T' with his fingers when I asked if he wanted tea or coffee (forgetting his colleagues in his meeting could see him).

Me: "Can they see me?" (even though I was nowhere near the camera when he was on his conference call meeting).

@Ninkanink I would love to bake but haven't been able to get ANY kind of flour on my last two shopping trips (so almost a month).

To be fair, the banana in question had almost completely black skin and turned to mush when opened. Way too sweet and not enjoyable to eat as was. Maybe soon, I'll strike it lucky and get my hands on some flour.

Ah ok...Fair enough; I wouldn’t choose to actually eat an overly brown banana either!

If you’ve still got it you could possibly make a peanut butter-banana-ice cream milkshake?

I want a snack now...

I bought 2 fray bentos pies.