Which sentence did you say today that you'd never have said a month ago?

[Bluewavescrashing]

Me- 'Wash your hands, you've just touched the post!'

I find myself dreading my days off because I know it will be hours on end of nothingness. Before I used to love hours on end of nothingness!

I really wish I could go in to the office.

Gloves and mask on

“There was a fight in the chocolate biscuit aisle of Waitrose so I couldn’t get any chocolate hobnobs”

"You can have the fish pie, daddy can have the leftover pasta from last night and I'll pick the mould off the last muffin"

“Yes, love, my appointment for universal credit is in two weeks’ time.”

When a man came into our village shop and walked towards me, I put my hand up like a policeman on traffic duty and said loudly 'Stand back. I'm coming through'. I could hear him laughing with the woman who works there as I left.

On the phone to my grandma
"Has Boris Wrote to you get"

Oh God, you just don't get it do you? You can't 'just stroke next-door's cat'. To animal-loving DS (16). It made me really sad to say.

To DH "thank god it's just a chest infection"

Piss of coronavirus you cunt!!!

Me to my DD 8 ‘please don’t cry because you can’t go to school’

If any post arrives wipe it down with antibac and leave it to dry for at least 2 mins!

“Why are people not getting it? Don’t they understand how many are dying”

NHS worker. The worst is yet to come

Shall we do some gardening?

(I hate gardening)

“Yes you can have your head shaved into a Mohawk”
To my 6 year old son...he’s not gonna be at school for a while, so why not?

To my dcs

You can eat the bread , it’s only got a little bit of mold on it.

Its

It has

"No Mam, I've checked the rules and I'm definitely allowed out in the garden" (I'm shielding, she's worried).

And, "Really, you managed to get teacakes with a milk order?" complete with a pathetic lip wobble.

“Leave the shopping in the boot - it’ll be safe to get out in 3 days time.”

"Don't worry. I'm not going to cross the road. You can hit me with that big stick if I come too near."
To elderly neighbour out for a stroll with his (very big) walking stick/ staff.

Talking to my Mum about my best friend’s new baby... “Yeah she said she can’t register the birth of her baby because the registry office is shut for the next three months at least...”

Talking to my Fiancee... “now that we've cancelled the wedding, we’d better cancel the hen do and honeymoon too...”

“No you don’t need to wash that, I’ve already washed it twice...”

We need to add gloves to our shopping list

Yes, I've washed the Haribo...