Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants

[ScribblyGum]

That you wish would just die naturally, but because they just won’t you are burdened by guilt with prolonging their pitiful heinous existence.

Here is my entry, a 14 month old poinsettia. Just look at the state of it, ugly Christmas 2019 bastard.
Can I bin it? No I cannot. Have I taken it outside to die by cold twice and then brought it back in again? Yes, yes I have.

JUST DIE WILL YOU.

Show me your horrid plants.

The one under the dome looks like a dessicated erect penis.

"I’ve NEVER watered it, because I don’t like my MIL."

Now this is the kind of attitude I like and admire. 

Looking at some of these plants, I would quite happily come and dispose of them for you, and wouldn't feel a twinge of guilt. Like a plant euthanasia service that comes to your door. I could sing them a little song first and you can hold their bare leafless little twiggy branches and say your goodbyes.

(@littleyikes I'll do your diseased freaky one for free. As a service to humankind).

@smiften 🤣🤣🤣. It's self isolating.

This thread is pure gold.

At my late patner's urging I had half a dozen pot plants on my windowsills, including two he'd grown from cuttings with his own fair hands. He had about 50 pot plants in his flat.

Within two months of his death they were all dead.

The only reason the cat is alive is because she yells at me for food and water.

lol at the dead nubbin protected under a dome.

Fuck! Wrong thread entirely. Sorry!

This atrocity was green and lush until Mother gave it to me to 'look after' while she moved house.
I haven't yet dropped the bombshell that not only has the property she was moving to fallen through, but also, this snidey fucker has turned it's toes up. Yellow Bastard.

I'm another one with an indestructible peace lily.
DP's mum bought it when we first moved in together 12 years ago. The fucker has been reported 3 times and is the most luscious, healthy plant ever.
I kill plants usually within 2 weeks. Even succulents. Only have to glance at an orchid and it dies, but this bloody plant just won't quit.

Behold my very-almost-dead geranium!

The reason I still have the ugly bastard?

Because I used a free coupon from a long since disappeared local paper, to buy it from a long since closed down garden centre, with my long since deceased mother and my (not dead/gone/disappeared) brother on a lovely spring day yonks ago.

I love the old git.

Boswell that geranium (pelargonium actually) looks dead. If you cut off the 'arm' with the leaves and literally place it into a pot of compost it will root and form a new plant. They are so easy to grow this way.

Love this thread - there are definitely themes emerging! We also have a peace lily called lazarus, and a very poorly xmas cactus from late MIL!

Let me introduce you to this dickhead though ... started off as a beautiful variegated rubber plant type thing but dropped all its leaves about 6 months ago just leaving stem. Top of stem was all mouldy so I snapped most of stem off then put it in a cupboard, intending to reuse pot and compost to repot another plant. Went to fetch it last month and there are tiny new leaves budding?!?!?! WTF. I have now concluded that houseplants are never actually dead 🤷‍♀️

These fuckers are succulents. Unkillable, right? They don’t even need water.

Nope. Specimen 1 is listing sideways like a drunk ship and specimen 2 is just.... decimated. It’s just practically dead. That fucker filled the pot with lovely bulbous succulent buds when I bought it.

Ha, love this thread! Mine is also a Christmas ‘18 specimen. Everything else in the ‘festive basket’ died but this thing is actually sprouting new leaves! I thought about repotting it but can’t be arsed, I’d rather it would just die... but it won’t! I ignore it but I think my DM sneakily waters it from time to time to keep it going. Grrr.

@MilkLady02 - that looks like a kalanchoe! They really are indestructible! I have three given to me in ugly novelty pots over the years, still going strong despite them apparently needing the exact opposite conditions they get in my flat 😂

Oh good....

I got my peace lily in an ugly Mothers' Day basket. Maybe that's how They are sneaking all of these botanical bastards into our houses. It's fit as a butcher's dog, despite being on the ground less than 2 feet from the woodburner.

Make sure not to be too effusive in your thanks or appear to like it at all actually went or you'll get one every year

@WentToMarket fit as a butcher’s dog 😂😂😂

I have a christmas cactus which has bright pink flowers that I loathe.
I have not watered it in two years.
Will. Not. Die.
Though to be fair, there were no nasty pink blooms this Christmas!

Brilliant thread

You lot think you are unlucky having a fugly plant, my friend had one that was not only fugly but evil. It sat on her kitchen window ledge and she was convinced it gave her the evil eye every time she stood at the sink doing the dishes. On one visit she asked me if I would get rid of it, so I bundled it in a bag and threw it in the bin and put a bag of rubbish on top. We were both half convinced we would find it back on the ledge staring malevolently at us the following morning but were relieved to hear the dawn chorus of the bin men and it was never seen again

there is hope, right?

@woodencoffeetable Blimey, has that been in a fire?

@woodencoffeetable you mean that single leaf?

Yes, that’ll the only sign you need to prevent you from throwing that eyesore out. Sorry.