Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants

[ScribblyGum]

That you wish would just die naturally, but because they just won’t you are burdened by guilt with prolonging their pitiful heinous existence.

Here is my entry, a 14 month old poinsettia. Just look at the state of it, ugly Christmas 2019 bastard.
Can I bin it? No I cannot. Have I taken it outside to die by cold twice and then brought it back in again? Yes, yes I have.

JUST DIE WILL YOU.

Show me your horrid plants.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

@Anduinsgirl Oh god, my parents had one of those pricks. 30 years on it's still going! I hope you've written provisions for it into your will, because it's not going anywhere.

[Squidwitch]

When you hear scritch fkopple scritch quietly at your back door at 2.47am, it will be your left on the compost houseplants taunting you like an Alan titchmarch/Stephen king film ... Scritttccchhhh..

[waterjungle]

I have a Peace Lilly we have named Chuck Norris /Lazarus. It is almost 10 years old. I have reported once out of guilt. Every other plant that has come into our house I have killed, even though I try and tend them.
This little bastard will not die. I have forgotten to water it for weeks on end...still it hangs on. It had been almost entirely brown and crispy....still it hangs on. It has been half eaten by the cat and neglected to the point it is splayed out in the pot like road kill....still it hangs on. I went on holiday for three weeks without making any provisions..... still it hung on.
It gets to the point where it looks so pathetic I guilt water it... the bastard thing then rises from the dead like- well Lazarus!
The cheeky fucker even has the temerity to flower regularly.
I shit you not this thing is as hard as nails.
If a nuclear bomb went off it would shrug its shoulders .....and hang on.

[Purplestorm83]

This is my maidenhair fern, it got somehow infested with something (probably from the indoor rose someone gave me at Christmas 😕) and all it’s leaves went brown and crispy so I gave it a really severe haircut. I kept it on the windowsill just in case, and a month later it started growing again! But now I’m worried it will look shit forever 😕

[Purplestorm83]

Not sure why the fecker’s gone sideways!

[ScribblyGum]

@BursarsDriedFrogPills yes yes oppressive leafy overlord that is what they are.
I’m still oppressed. I have not reached the point of liberation. I gave mine a water.

[ScribblyGum]

LOVE Lazarus the peace Lilly

[ScribblyGum]

Yeah that’s a shit plant @Purplestorm83. You tell tell even sideways on.

[CottonSock]

Haha. We had to ditch a load of house plants after kids born.. some live on, planted outside. Esp the spider plant. It thrives outdoors

[CheeseKiev]

This is my houseplant shame. My DH had it before he even knew me and it was lovely and flowered every Christmas (it’s a Christmas Cactus). Then I took over caring for it and look what has happened. It looks awful and I just want to throw it away! 75% of it went brown and fell off and we are left with this sorry DH!

[KidCaneGoat]

@Squidwitch For some reason throwing away a plant feels like putting a gerbil in a wheelie bin. that’s hilarious

[KidCaneGoat]

@Purplestorm83 love the fact that you’ve posted it twice sideways, just opposite directions.

[ScribblyGum]

I think we have a leader with CheeseKiev’s Christmas Cactus. OMG that is one crappy plant. Yeah, you fucked it right up. Gotta keep it alive now though.

[Frouby]

Look at this twat.

Is a venus fly trap ds(6) got from local garden centre last may. It did a fab job all year with loads of trappy leaves always closing and opening. Then September it flowered and according to google should have died.

But it's always hung on and hung on and hung on and ds is so invested I darent bin it I repotted it 2 weeks ago as it was going mouldy and took all the dead and mouldy bits off, it keeps on kicking on but I can't see it ever being an effective fly trapper again

[Frouby]

Forgot mouldy vft pic.

[WentToMarket]

I binned a leafy bastard a couple of weeks ago after nursing and neglecting it in equal measure for three years. The bellend loved the bathroom, but only in the summer. Literally everywhere else in the house it flumped about resentfully but never had the good grace to actually die. Nothing was ever good enough for it. Prick. I plan on being exactly like it when I’m old.

[ScribblyGum]

I’m no gardener but I reckon that one is circling the drain Frouby. You’ll be released from your burden soon. Lucky you.

[DustyMaiden]

My DF is 86 and has more houseplants than Kew Gardens. I witnessed him inspecting them picking up any that weren’t perfect and hurling them into the compost bin. I was really shocked, seemed so wrong.

[Charley50]

I'm swear I'm on mumsnet so much that it can read my mind. Was just lying on the sofa staring at my shit spider plant and thinking how shit it is; open MN and this thread is there!!! Pic to follow...

[KevinBaconHoofDressing]

Ladies and gentlemen... I give you this spectacularly grim cactus. Looked quite neat and pleasant originally. Little did we know it would turn into this droopy horror.

[Charley50]

Here it is...

[waterjungle]

Behold Lazarus in all his glory. Cat is going in for a further snack. Notice the flowery fingered salute he is giving me.

[Staywithmemyblood]

You poinsettia looks lush compared to mine @ScribblyGum 🙌🏼 I was going to chuck it out last week, but then noticed it’s started sprouting new leaves. Is there still hope?😬

[Sharpkat]

I have a plant that my Ddad bought me in September 1998. It has moved house numerous times, been left with my Mum for a year when I was abroad, had various branches snapped off accidentally and yet it still thrives. My mum hates it and wishes it would die but my DDad passed away in October 2017 so I still water it and moved it 300 miles in December.....

[WentToMarket]

Thing is, poinsettias aren’t really very nice even when they’re in full health. Catch it, bin it, kill it.