Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants

[ScribblyGum]

That you wish would just die naturally, but because they just won’t you are burdened by guilt with prolonging their pitiful heinous existence.

Here is my entry, a 14 month old poinsettia. Just look at the state of it, ugly Christmas 2019 bastard.
Can I bin it? No I cannot. Have I taken it outside to die by cold twice and then brought it back in again? Yes, yes I have.

JUST DIE WILL YOU.

Show me your horrid plants.

It’s beautiful compared to some of the horrors in this thread Grace, I mean what even is that in user5656’s second photo? One of those pots looks like it contains nothing but dried up little turds.

I always throw poinsettias away in the new year as I think of them as a Christmas plant - and once it's over I want to eradicate every reminder of it!

I'm crap with plants. The only ones that seem to come back year on year are hydrangeas - I literally do nothing all winter and they're coming back out again. That's my kind of plant.

Thought I'd add some more, one is a cactus that has flowered every year for three years, but I can't remove the dead ones...? This is my decade old cactus with a pretty diseased shaft 😂 I've got an aloe not pictured, in the bathroom I've never watered it, all it's leaves are broken at various points, but it lives on.

Oh, oh that diseased shaft. No, that’s really not nice.

@ScribblyGum ha ha, dried up turds is an excellent description.
I don't know what kind of plant it is (2nd photo, top left) but it occasionally produces reddish leaves and then they all fall off and the cycle continues. 🤷‍♀️

🤷‍♀️ The Turd Surprise Plant maybe?

Fuck me @littleyikes that second photo is really quite disturbing. I imagine that thing moving around the house at night and you don't just don't know it.

Sleep well.

"Shaft" though

@WentToMarket it's a prayer plant ( it seems to be praying all the time now) 😂

user the one with the spikes (right picture) seems to be a calla.

This thread is fucking hilarious!
I love all of you who have ugly plants but don't kill them.

See, I know that you have to keep the poinsettia in the dark to make it flower. I put it in the living room because we don't get a lot of light in there and it's dark at night. So that's practically following the advice to the letter.

It didn't work though, all the leaves fell off. So I put it in the downstairs bathroom which is freezing and with a big bright window. And now one of the leaves is turning red. The fucker thinks it's Christmas, I can't bury it alive in the compost bin when it thinks it's Christmas.

I give you a 6 year old ikea special...

My MIL gave me this over a year ago. It was half as big. I’ve NEVER watered it, because I don’t like my MIL. Yes those are chopsticks tied together with an elastic band. The fucking plant has defeated the chopsticks. I now just want to see just how barbarically it will continue to live. I see my MIL each time I look at it.

it’s a prayer plant ( it seems to be praying all the time now)

Calatheas are also called prayer plants.
Pop it somewhere shady, I bet it will recover.
I have a massive one on my dark windowless landing.
I’d post a photograph but he’s such a handsome devil it wouldn’t be in keeping with the thread.

ARoseInHarlem, it's a bad plant, but what a beautifully shot photo!The light is amazing.

frosted violets, as Calathea is a prayer plant, it's just another name for it.

@littleyikes that cactus looks amazing! You need to carefully cut the head off the shaft and leave it on some fine gravel and over time it will root into it. Don't feel guilty about throwing the shaft away, it has really seen it's day.

@VenusClapTrap you’re the marie Kondo of Crap plants!

Well. I have found my people. So many ruined but not dead plants here. SUCCULENTS! How does a succulent not thrive?!

I recently laid to rest a friend’s cheese plant at her request. It had been left in the house when she purchased it 30 YEARS ago by the old woman who had loved the house and it. It just kind of lingered on in a corner. It had finally become largely dead. We actually raised a glass to said woman and plant. No photo but it was huge and god awful.

I have a 7 yo Christmas cactus that has never once bloomed. Not once. It was a cutting from a huge Christmas cactus owned by a friend, that bloomed almost constantly. I keep on moving it around to different windows in hopes of encouraging blossoms but deep down I know it is laughing at me.

Meanwhile its friend the Thanksgiving cactus that I bought in Walmart as a three inch high no hoper has bloomed twice in six months, once last Thanksgiving and all this week. Lovely double blossoms in shocking pink.

I was reading this thread in bed last night.

KevinBacons cactus actually gave me nightmares.

littleyikes cactus was in there too somewhere.

My DH has an office/junkroom, I never go in there usually.

I've just ventured in to see how his much loved plants are doing. The second one is under a plastic dome, to encourage it along presumably.

How sensible of your dh to protect all of those new young shoots and buds from dust under that dome, eh?