Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants

[ScribblyGum]

That you wish would just die naturally, but because they just won’t you are burdened by guilt with prolonging their pitiful heinous existence.

Here is my entry, a 14 month old poinsettia. Just look at the state of it, ugly Christmas 2019 bastard.
Can I bin it? No I cannot. Have I taken it outside to die by cold twice and then brought it back in again? Yes, yes I have.

JUST DIE WILL YOU.

Show me your horrid plants.

Wooden, what IS that thing? Was it once a bromeliad?

@woodencoffeetable

Sniggered when I saw this.

Why is it so hard to throw off our leafy/shrivelled flora oppressors?

Can't remember what this was but it won't die, won't flower, won't really live. It's 2 and a half years old and has lives in many parts of the house to either kill or cure it.
It seems to be having some sort of spring revival but it has done that a few times and then dies back again. It hasn't had a baby before, though!

it's a anthurium
was beautiful when I got it.

Why is it so hard to throw off our leafy/shrivelled flora oppressors?

dunno, something primal for sure or just laziness carrying the bastard to the bin

@woodencoffeetable did that plant pot come with the plant? I'm just checking you're not keeping it out of guilt to a long dead nan or something before I say anymore...

AnduinsGirl - what the hell is THAT?

ARoseInHarlem - That's a partridge-breasted aloe, I think Harlem. Has it not had hundred of babies? Mine had hundreds of babies and of course I had to pot up every one of the buggers and take them to the charity shop .

mathanxiety - I bought an easter cactus and it didn't bloom. I was ranting on at it and I swear it spoke and said "Actually. Im a CHRISTMAS cactus - just give us a few months" So I did - it didn't bloom at Christmas either, and then swore blind that it was really easter cactus after all, probably.

It has until the end of May . . . .

My other half 'rescues' orchids from the ' Death Bins' in garden centres. We are overwhelmed with the bastards.
Most were looking healthy until they were moved to the bathroom, out of harm's way when we got a kitten.
This fucker is hanging on for dear life. It's an eyesore in my Art Deco oasis!

pebble not worse than an 80s dried flower bouquet really

Don’t despair. I had this ugly cactus for thirty years. I considered throwing it out - and it suddenly flowered!

Loving this thread. My plants aren’t too bad at the moment but there’s a cactus in the loo at my mum’s house she’s had for decades that we call Droopy Dick. It’s fucking hideous, it looks like it should be pickled in formaldehyde and kept in a macabre exhibit of medical curios. Next time I’m round I’ll get a picture.

My pathetic excuse for an amaryllis??
It does NOTHING! Just that one stoopid leaf.
It's been like that for about a year.

And this the cheese plant of wank.

glenn you certainly have actalent

actalent = a talent

That is indeed a cheese plant of wank

Thank you @woodencoffeetable I don't even try!

@ScribblyGum? See? Utter useless!

Thanks, bob, I'll see if that kills it off for good!

Glen, that is a truly special cheese plant.

pebble21uk that looks like something an insane computer might dream up. Are you sure you don't live in Japan, or failing that a graphic novel?

I can't post a photo because the offending plant (some kind of palmy thing) got drop kicked down the end of the garden. I thought that we had some kind of sewer leak because every time I had a bath I could smell the most disgusting stench. After resealing the toilet waste pipe and after weeks of throwing massive amounts of disinfectant behind the toilet and scrubbing like a lunatic, I finally realised that it was the plant that stunk. When I stuck my nose near the soil I actually retched.

I finally realised that it was the plant that stunk.

So . . . it's one of you bastards . . .

I noticed that at work, @Poutintrout. Every time I went past a particular place I got a whiff of what smelled like vomit. I tracked it down to a Sansevieria plant which had had the misfortune of having one of my colleagues tip their tea and coffee dregs into its pot. I had to point out to them that plants can't "digest" milk in any form, seeing as they are not mammals...

That company went into liquidation and I ended up with practically all of the office plants, some of which would have been worthy candidates for this thread. I had them all for many years until I realised I didn't actually like them, so composted the lot via the wheelie bin