Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants

[ScribblyGum]

That you wish would just die naturally, but because they just won’t you are burdened by guilt with prolonging their pitiful heinous existence.

Here is my entry, a 14 month old poinsettia. Just look at the state of it, ugly Christmas 2019 bastard.
Can I bin it? No I cannot. Have I taken it outside to die by cold twice and then brought it back in again? Yes, yes I have.

JUST DIE WILL YOU.

Show me your horrid plants.

@Scarby9

I kill all house plants.

Remember Alice in the Vicar of Dibley and her everlasting budgie Carrot?

When I went off to university, my then boyfriend gave me a purple African Violet. Across each term it slowly died with alternate over- and non-watering.

In the first Christmas holiday I took it to my grandma, renowned for her green fingers. She suggested I should leave it with her to work her magic. By the end of the holiday she had revived it and it was flowering again.

This process was repeated each holiday over the four years of my time at university then I finally killed it in my freezing rented rooms in my first job.

It was a good ten years later when my grandma died and we were reminiscing. I mentioned her miraculous treatment of my plant, to be told by my mum that my grandma had revived the African Violet over the first Christmas but every holiday after that it had been too far gone.

So she had bought me a new one. Ten times. And I never realised.

Your grandma...

My aloe vera.

@moanieleminx Oh my, you really do have three sad gits there, don't you?

[quote endlesswicker]@moanieleminx Oh my, you really do have three sad gits there, don't you?[/quote]
They are just awful. I need to woman up and throw them in the compost bin...

Crying with laughter at these monstrosities!

Can I add this stupid fern? Whatever I do it always looks a bit shrivelled and yuk but it isn’t actually dead so I can’t in good conscience chuck it.

And this stupid thing. Is it a polka dot plant? I think it’s supposed to grow outwards but it just keeps getting tall and lanky.

@Calibrachoa WTF is that ? If I walked in a room to be met by that badboy my shit eyesight would convince me its a snake!! I'd be a nervous wreck :)

@userxx It's a buddha's temple plant. Looks a bit too phallic, although obviously you would hope not many men were unfortunate enough to possess one that looked like that

What you can do with an excess of spider plants is to put them in hanging baskets or tubs outside in the summer. They work quite well as foliage. And by the end of the season, they're no longer houseplants but disposable summer bedding which dies with the frost.

yes this is supposed to be a bonsai, sprang this side growth overnight, 6 years old nothing else ever happens

It's with great sadness, I have to announce that (old username glennbulb) Cheese plant of wank was involved in a horrific accident with a toddler after being repotted and beginning to thrive.
CPOW, Is currently in the ICU of houseplants. But I don't think there is any hope.

you have my deepest sympathy

Thank you @janj2301.