Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants

[ScribblyGum]

That you wish would just die naturally, but because they just won’t you are burdened by guilt with prolonging their pitiful heinous existence.

Here is my entry, a 14 month old poinsettia. Just look at the state of it, ugly Christmas 2019 bastard.
Can I bin it? No I cannot. Have I taken it outside to die by cold twice and then brought it back in again? Yes, yes I have.

JUST DIE WILL YOU.

Show me your horrid plants.

[Redcrayons]

Frouby - that’s the least menacing fly trap I’ve ever seen. No flies are scared of that.

[ScribblyGum]

@BursarsDriedFrogPills I can’t. I want to and I’ve tried but I can’t. I’m not even at pre-contemplation bin the fucker stage.
Must. Keep. Watering.

[Chimchar]

LOVE this thread. I have loads of shit plants. I feel right at home here! 😊

[ScribblyGum]

Really disturbed that the mouldy Venus fly trap is just pretending to be dead.

[Frouby]

redcrayons it was fierce once I promise.
It's just having a rest apparently.

[Frouby]

scribbly I sing 'feed me Seymour' to it occasionally while I am washing the pots.

Darent be complacent with a deceptively dead looking carnivore.

[Bezalelle]

Just bring them to my house and I promise they will be dead within a day!

[winterisstillcoming]

I'm crying here!

We need to set up an alternative pinterest.

[VenusClapTrap]

Except the snail eating fly trap. That's going to Broadmoor.



I will tell it that in the morning. It will come and get you.

[ScribblyGum]

The avocado plants are just depressing. All that effort all you get is a long green thin twig. Are you hoping for an avocado or just a green twig that just keeps getting longer and longer?

[Squidwitch]

Might actually go and stay in a random Travelodge tonight. Will leave the jack Russell to deal with him if he pokes his creepy toothy mouth through the letterbox.

[TheSandman]

Not a houseplant as such but, in addition to the interior two storey passion flower I mentioned earlier, my daughter has a honeysuckle that flowers in her bedroom. The roots are downstairs out in the garden and it grew into the house through a sash window, found its way upstairs into her room, going through a tiny gap in timber tongue and groove wall in the process, and happily fills her room with flowers. Last summer we noticed it had worked its way out around the edge of her Velux window and was happily spreading its way across the roof. We cut it back a bit.

[Squidwitch]

The sandman, your house sounds amazing!

[frostedviolets]

I would like to nominate my peace lily.
He was really gorgeous once but unfortunately DS went through a phase of houseplant destruction and he’s never quite recovered from the ordeal.

[TwatCat]

Would you like to borrow my TwatCat? He killed my 2018 poinsettia the first day I bought it. We haven't bothered having houseplants since.

[WouldShouldCould]

TheSandman do you have any pictures, yours sounds far too fab to be ugly.

[quirrels]

Those of you who plucked up the courage to throw the mo sters on the compost heap. You do know that when you dig it over the plant will still be there, growing yellow in the dark?

[TheVanguardSix]

Wanted this...

[TheVanguardSix]

Reality...

[TheVanguardSix]

I just want to shout ‘USE A NIT COMB!’ at it.

[BursarsDriedFrogPills]

@quirrels

Those of you who plucked up the courage to throw the mo sters on the compost heap. You do know that when you dig it over the plant will still be there, growing yellow in the dark?

No. This cannot be. I refuse to believe it.

[WentToMarket]

Ooh! I know this one! Cheese plants whose leaves don’t split are deficient in something. Light, water, something. One of those things.

[DateLoaf]

The most terrifying are passion flower plants. We used to have them growing up through the floorboards looking for light like skinny, pale, waxy fingers

[dementedma]

What is it with peace lilies? My mother donated the huge, pot bound one she kept in her bath ( seriously) to me. I called her Audrey, prised her from her root bound home and set about her with a fork and trowel to try and split her up. I now have Audrey, who survived the surgery, Audrey 2 and Seymour. All thriving but Audrey has now outgrown her new pot and needs to undergo the knife once more. These things are fucking indestructible!