Center Parcs - I thought it was to be kept within my marriage

[BathshebaKnickerStickers]

My family are currently at Center Parcs because we are Scottish, on holiday and we come every year.

Dd ages 15 and add age 13 and I went to the pool at Center Parcs at the busiest time of the week and we are somewhat regretting this choice. It was like people soup, and I have seen every body shape imaginable today ( and honestly no-one cares I know, I cart this awful body around). Anyway, the rapids are our favourite, however it’s possible to get stuck at various points ( we give them names - The pool of unbearable sadness, Dumpy Mermaid gulch, the eddy of despair etc) and at those points it’s possible to get split up from your own friends and family and end up engulfed in the arms and legs of other parties....suffice to say, what happens at Center Parcs stays at Center Parcs, and I suspect some lovely young mid twenties boys who go to the gym may have been turned off women for life.....

I knew that a certain amount of specific intimacy is expected at Center Parcs, however I thought it was supposed to be with my husband and not some student boys from Stafford in the rapids....

This thread is such a treat! Loved reading it, but can now never go to CP.

Went to CP with some friends pre Christmas a few years back and took the DC’s for a late night swim. Borrowed DD’s goggles and was enjoying a swim around the outdoor pool when I spotted DH and DS.

Chuckling to myself, I swam underwater to them and full on bear hugged DH’s legs as if rugby tackling him ... only it wasn’t DH but a random man who looked very similar to him.

I was absolutely mortified. Awful.

@BathshebaKnickerStickers
I’m impressed you came back to update after all this time! I agree this is classics material, I wonder if there’s a record for longest time between thread creation and classics…

Sorry to change the topic, but is that flashy fucker, the peacock, still prancing about Elveden?

Now he’s someone I’d like to chuck down a rapid.

@MNHQ

Classics? Please.

I saw it was it was a Center Parks thread. I came for the bum sex. I stayed for the flume flashing.

Brilliant thread, loving the annual updates 😂

We have the annual rebooking meeting tonight over dinner.

We are debating Sherwood for next year….a whole new set of young fit guys to traumatise

We're moving this thread to Classics now as, frankly, it's a crime it's not there already.

Not at CP, but the far lower class Butlins in Minehead, has a flume that's pitch black and spits you into a big funnel thing that you whizz round and round until you plop through the hole into the pool. Viewing platform above. I went round and round this funnel arrangement, completely disorientated from the pitch black flume where my costume had come adrift, with one tit hanging out, to a chorus of cheers from the watching crowd above. It was my only go on the flume!

😂
Try swimming after 5pm. Evenings are quieter. Have a lovely hol

So. Our schools in Aberdeen city finished on Friday for 2 weeks. I work in these amazing schools so we have 10 school days and weekend days and we are exhausted

Back in my day up there, the tattie holidays were for tattie picking. Your way sounds much more fun (but as a teenager there was just as much groping)

@cardamoncoffee

Maybe that is why CP is so expensive? It's an undercover swingers venue... "Meet you at the Dumpy Mermaid Gulch" wink wink

Haven et al is for the pearl clutchers and bosom hoikers.

Sh*t, I'm never going to look at those chalets the same way again!

Bugger...Zombie thread!

@TaraR2020 it's not, the OP has provided updates for this year too

These are brilliant. On a rapids with aunt and cousin.
Cousin managed to get halfway down before colliding with a very very hairy bloke whose long toe nails slashed her leg. She swore it was Wolverine. Looked liked she has been clawed by a cat.
Aunt ended up travelling along with an elderly man’s toes wearing her minge like a slipper for the last 20 seconds. Both of them were horrified. Her mortification was only softened by the feeling of luck she hadn’t collided with Wolverine Toe Nail man for a minge slash instead.
I only went on the once, nearly died from laughing all the way down as I couldn’t breathe as the hilarity of it and was too scared of Wolverine to go on again

I'm reminded of a very crowded day at Marineland at Antibes, when someone poked me in the back. I turned round, and a young woman who was obviously a bit chilly said "pardonnez moi m'sieu". That was the visit where the orca threw a tailful of water over my camera and killed it.

Absolutely LOVING the annual updates. Never been to CP

Haven't been in years but I can still vividly remember the feeling of helpless panic when you know you're about to ram a stranger with an exposed body part. It goes against all our British instincts. Great fun though. This thread conveys it perfectly

MY ANNUAL UPDATE TO THIS THREAD.

I’m back at Center Parcs because I’m Scottish and it’s October but… I’ve ventured further afield…!! I’m currently in the spa at Longford Forest in Ireland but I’ve spent the morning in the pool and the rapids.

The Longford rapids still have the complete lack of any control over limbs and swimsuits that is the trademark of the English rapids, but with some additional thrill spots. There are far more places to get stuck in - spinning leprechaun canyon and Dervla’s Downfall being 2 memorable ones. And when you get stuck that’s when you can become delightfully Enmeshed in some lovely Irish families. The Irish, much like us Scots are naturally pale skinned and apologetic.

There is one particular slow moving spot where everyone parking their bikes can see you, and most importantly wave and draw their children’s attention to the dumpy oddly shaped lady who is slowly sliding past, and still waiting on the abdominal surgery that has made her this strange shape for the last 4 years.

we have now completed Center Parcs U.K. and Ireland having been to them all. DH was genuinely costing out the European mainland ones for next year, but I think I’d rather be defiled by an apologetic Irish family than some giant Dutch people….

Brilliant - that’s cheered up my boring and rainy day!
I’ll always remember the time when zipping down the Sherwood rapids, my leg slid under a random blokes butt. I was very apologetic and he replied “don’t you worry love, I don’t mind”!
😩

this is the first time i've seen this thread and i am crying laughing!! You lost me at "because we are Scottish and on holiday". It's so true, literally everyone in Scotland goes to CP when our school holidays don't clash with English ones.
Also, respect for going all the way to Elveden from Aberdeen!
I'm disappointed that i've only been on the rapids when the covid regs meant they were restricting numbers in the pool and didn't let you get close enough to stick a toe up a random stranger's bum crack.

😂😂😂

Very good OP!

I'm off to one of the Dutch ones for half term and though I love the rapids, I also dread them in their own way. I always always get beached on the way down. People sail past me while I'm there desperately trying to shuffle my heavy self down and my husband and son have gone around twice in my one attempt ... ha.

I'm delighted to see this thread again. I can remember crying with laughter reading previously.