Center Parcs - I thought it was to be kept within my marriage

[BathshebaKnickerStickers]

My family are currently at Center Parcs because we are Scottish, on holiday and we come every year.

Dd ages 15 and add age 13 and I went to the pool at Center Parcs at the busiest time of the week and we are somewhat regretting this choice. It was like people soup, and I have seen every body shape imaginable today ( and honestly no-one cares I know, I cart this awful body around). Anyway, the rapids are our favourite, however it’s possible to get stuck at various points ( we give them names - The pool of unbearable sadness, Dumpy Mermaid gulch, the eddy of despair etc) and at those points it’s possible to get split up from your own friends and family and end up engulfed in the arms and legs of other parties....suffice to say, what happens at Center Parcs stays at Center Parcs, and I suspect some lovely young mid twenties boys who go to the gym may have been turned off women for life.....

I knew that a certain amount of specific intimacy is expected at Center Parcs, however I thought it was supposed to be with my husband and not some student boys from Stafford in the rapids....

I will never forget Easter of 2016. Never. The rapids.

I know that poor man never intended his nether regions to be within a centimetre of my face. The panic in his face will live with me forever. So will the memory of that very polite elderly man apologising that his scrotum had come perilously close to my nose.

I flashed my but crack at CP Elveden. 6 months pregnant and cycling along hadn't realised my elastic waist skirt had gone right down at the back until I heard the abject disgust of the poor man behind me 😂😂

You should try the Belgian centre Parcs. Poor 4 year old DD ending up entangled with pubescent Flemish boys. DP coming out saying it thought it was a lazy river'

I had this at Butlins a few years ago, was pissing it down the whole time so everyone went to the pool. There were actually so many people in the rapids that the current didn't work properly so you could just walk about.

Never wear a bikini in the rapids at CP.

Also never wear a bikini if you swim with dolphins. Though losing your bikini bottoms when the dolphins push you out the water and fly you above the water standing on their noses is one way to get attention! I keep telling myself if anyone filmed it it would be too indecent for You’ve Been Framed!

love this thread

A slide I went on at a water park gave me an enema I spent ages in the loo after

Then had to pretend to new boyfriend I had got lost

I'm English and our schools are finished for half term here. Watch out OP the English hairy backs will descend on you tomorrow (not mine though, we're going to Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿)

I've accidentally straddled many a stranger on the rapids at centre parcs. Me and my friend laugh all the way down interspersed with "Sorry!" as we kick a random 5 year old in the face/get stuck halfway down and create a huge pile up/unintentionally sexually assault someone else's husband or wife. All part of the fun!

Dear Lord!!

I may attempt to learn to swim, but no way is centre parcs on my lust!

Between this thread and the anal one, I'm staying clear!

Don't want hairy anatomy in my face and/or an unexpected surprise, with the confused plea.....' but its centre parcs!'

But yes there is a point in the rapids where you have no control over your decent

Best typo ever!

There were actually so many people in the rapids that the current didn't work properly so you could just walk about.

^^

I don't know whether to despise or rejoice in the fact I can't go into a pool due to health issues now.

Just wondering if they do viewing platforms near the rapids though? Sounds like that would be incredibly fun to watch.

Oh !! By sounds of it viewing platform would be a blast!
Sign me up for prime time tickets!!

Oh , and I've seen OP.
No male would complain.

OP, I think i love you.....
To the tune of wild thing , by the troggs!

I'm laughing.

Between bottomless dolphin nosed whipped lady and the 'accidentally straddled' account.

🤣

I'm still not going tho!!

Never been to CP and now can’t decide if I’m missing out or not.

I did go on a sort of whirl pool river rapids once in Spain and it took me about 20 minutes to get to the bottom. The exit for each whirlpool was one inflatable wide and I was shoved repeatedly out of the way for others to get down. Eventually, some man took pity on me and shoved me down before him but not before I’d been traumatised by the flailing limbs of other randomers.

@TateWorm there used to be a lovely veranda over the rapids at sherwood where my parents would sit and enjoy wine whilst I tried to stop my siblings from drowning. I think it's still there?

This happened to me at CP Longleat years ago. I pinned a complete stranger down, he was horrified.

I have never been but thought Center Parcs was all about cycling along through dappled woods, merry laughter coming from your photogenic family. Crikey.

@jellyfishAndShells - it’s about middle class people having intimate contact with the genitalia of other middle class people and their children.

In a forest.

When you put it like that, OP...!

I can't manage rapids any more, I'm too prone to getting injured. Oh but those were the days. We went a lot and actually got very skilful. You can in fact judge, time and control your descent. But it's much more fun to just cartwheel randomly in a tangle of limbs.

Brilliant thread! No intention of going to CP.......

We are doing the traditional bowling now.... not wrapped my legs around any strangers today, and there may now be no further opportunity until next year