Center Parcs - I thought it was to be kept within my marriage

[BathshebaKnickerStickers]

My family are currently at Center Parcs because we are Scottish, on holiday and we come every year.

Dd ages 15 and add age 13 and I went to the pool at Center Parcs at the busiest time of the week and we are somewhat regretting this choice. It was like people soup, and I have seen every body shape imaginable today ( and honestly no-one cares I know, I cart this awful body around). Anyway, the rapids are our favourite, however it’s possible to get stuck at various points ( we give them names - The pool of unbearable sadness, Dumpy Mermaid gulch, the eddy of despair etc) and at those points it’s possible to get split up from your own friends and family and end up engulfed in the arms and legs of other parties....suffice to say, what happens at Center Parcs stays at Center Parcs, and I suspect some lovely young mid twenties boys who go to the gym may have been turned off women for life.....

I knew that a certain amount of specific intimacy is expected at Center Parcs, however I thought it was supposed to be with my husband and not some student boys from Stafford in the rapids....

Yep. It’ll save you a fortune

Reckon you made their day!

I've never been. I don't have kids! But I'm now wondering if its massive appeal is actually about something other than I thought! Great post!

I’ve never been to Center parks but I did have a traumatising experience in the wave pool at Disneyworld in Florida.

A Dutch man was knocked over by the wave and managed to give me a wedgie so severe I was lucky not to be scarred and he whipped my bikini bottoms to my knees as he right himself. Luckily I was only 25 and my arse was not yet the size of a double decker bus so it wasn’t as bad as it could be.

Well look on the bright side, it'll be busier next week at elveden when it's half term in the local schools

But yes there is a point in the rapids where you have no control over your decent

Imagine the horror of landing on your FIL. Go on - Imagine the slippy, slidey, hairy nippled horror it.

@spaniorita thanks for that image. I’ve just eaten (at CP so cost a fortune...)

I love everything about your OP we're avid CP goers so I understand the alarming intimacy between strangers on the rapids! I particularly love it that you're at CP because you're Scottish 😂

What a brilliant thread! I have nothing specific to contribute, but I know exactly what you mean about the rapids.

OP, you really ought to write professionally. Not only did you make me laugh out loud, but DH too, which is nothing short of a bona fide, solid gold, Pope approved miracle.

Surely if you're Scottish you should be at Penrith?! Although you mentioned rapids good enough to get stuck in so maybe not!

I narrowly avoided the entire year 11 rugby team of the school I'd just started teaching at a few years ago. No one needs to see their science teacher in a cossie, and I steered well clear of any tangling possibilities.

Thank you everyone- it has helped me get over this afternoon’s trauma....

My family are currently at Center Parcs because we are Scottish

🤣

I'm hilariously bemused at the connection!

i remember this when i was little and have only just thought about it! landing far to many times in the open v(legs) of stranger!

I’m so pleased you started this thread. I hadn’t been in rapids since I was a nimble and taught teenager. I went recently, as a dumpy wobbly mother, with a group of friends. My dear friend brought her new bf who speaks little English. I speak no Polish so we didn’t have talk after his face mashed into my boobs and my leg slid between his. Haven’t looked him in the eye since.

If it happens to everyone i might be able to shake the shame.

and i only just understand my gramps comment when we got out and he said "good god,that is the only place a man can grab a random child in your arms and not get into trouble but thanked!"

In addition to this, we have had a squirrel in our house twice today - pictures below are of the first visit.

Unfortunately there are no photos of the second visit. It stole an empty old El Paso soft stand and serve taco from the dining room table, and tried to leave by our bedroom window. It took a few attempts for it to sufficiently pivot the taco to facilitate it leaving, to climb up a nearby tree. It came down later, I swear, looking in need of guacamole

Oh God yes.

This has brought the whole horror of Centre Pukes back to me. The human soup that is the pool (followed by several days of family bonding over norovirus). And the arms and legs touching other people's fleshy bits.

We've not gone back.

@movehimintothesun, love that anecodote. I'm giggling in my living room picturing that scene in my mind's eye.
Brilliantly told.

The connection with being Scottish is simply that our kids are off school (and I work in a school) so no taking kids out of school for intimate encounters with strangers

Or squirrel feeding

Perhaps the unexpected arrivals section of the rapids is how all the stories of Centre Parcs being the place for anal sex got going?

Any sign, OP?

There's a goose who goes by the name of Daddy Duck at the sherwood one. I know him.

Is that part of the Scottish Constitution then, having to do your yearly holiday to CP?

I am also Scottish but we did our yearly CP trip at Easter. I find the trick to the rapids is encumbering yourself with small squealy toddlers. No one wants to bump into them.