Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

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Masons Jars for holding lunch and layered salads etc = wanky

Menus that say things like " Shoestring fries ~ 6.5" = wanky

Nespresso's "Vintage" coffee = wanky

Calling chicken nuggets Chicken Gougons = wanky

Gah!

Hate food server on a board or slate, always send it back and ask for a plate.

I said it on the hipster mocha thread and I'll say it here.

If I am eating in a restaurant/cafe one of the things I am paying all that money for is for someone to make the food and put it on a plate for me. If I wanted to start messing about with jars I would have stayed at home and had the same food for a quarter of the price.

Oh 80s that reminds me of the favoured greasy spoon in the town I grew up in (in the 80s :)) with its rogue apostrophes –

Coffee £1
Tea £1
"Cheese" sandwich £2.00
"Prawn" sandwich £2.50

What the fuck is a Babychino Handsome?

Any cafe with a "philosophy". Especially if painted on a lopsidedly hung blackboard in Annie Sloan chalk paint. Unnecessary wank.

World's Wankiest bar:
www.purl-london.com/
"IMAGINE DRINKS THAT SATISFY ON A MULTI-SENSORY LEVEL, USING AROMA, FOGS, AIRS, FOAMS. FOOD SERVED IN BESPOKE SILVERWARE TO BRING THE DRINK TO LIFE AND TRANSPORTS YOU TO ANOTHER PLACE OR TIME"

I went there a few years ago and ordered a cocktail. As I started to drink it, the barman burst a balloon in my face.
When I had finished jumping out of my skin, he kindly informed me that the balloon had been filled with an aroma to compliment my drink, and I was to now inhale the balloon air to improve the taste of my drink.

It is a shame its SO wanky, because the cocktail was lovely (even without the balloon shock)

And hipster twats who signal how cool they are by saying things like "Oh the coffee in starbucks/costa/whatever is disgusting – and so you have to go to the hipster wank cafe with the 240 different kinds of beans. My sister is like that.

We went out for a meal at Christmas. Not our choice of place, chosen and paid for by DH's company.

The mash, I kid you not, was wrapped in paper parcels tied in string and served on the slates.

Oh, and the trend for only putting the food on one side of the plate. Just why??

Mary, this cafe is just like this, basic food - always packed out on a saturday and the pie and mash that isnt that bad.
i love places that use the apostrophe!
I also enjoy decent places too, but the whole food on a bread board thing really needs to die out, its had its day.

Is that the whole meal Koala

At least it's on a plate.

That plate looks as though the food is backing away in terror.

Page I can't unsee that now, hilarious!

Yep, that's how it comes to the table.

It's a 'thing', apparently. 🙄

"source your ankle skimming pant from our new Spring edit"

=

Buy trousers that are too short from our catalogue.

Totally agree OP - all pretentious crap.

WANKERS!! THE LOT OF THEM!!!!

Page

This is probably a wanky thing to say but, loving this thread.

You're right, though, everything nowadays is so wanky, just say what you mean and mean what you say!

Craft beer (no matter what it is served in) complete over priced wankery, it all tastes like lemon flavoured liquid soap anyway, regardless of what wanky name they call it.

Oh, and the trend for only putting the food on one side of the plate. Just why??

Perhaps it's to fool diners into thinking it's therefore only half the calories?

"A pop of colour" - also wanky.

I'm going to place my cake on one side of the plate in future

Good coffee is not a wanky hipster trend!

Why are so many MNers against decent coffee?! Starbucks and Costa ARE pretty shit.

Koala it's "negative space", of course - pure wankery indeed.

This thread had made me chuckle enormously. Thanks all!

I'm chucking in "clean eating" alongside the PPs "protein bowls". All tremendous bollocks.

RoastED is wank. Roast. Its roast potato.