Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

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Masons Jars for holding lunch and layered salads etc = wanky

Menus that say things like " Shoestring fries ~ 6.5" = wanky

Nespresso's "Vintage" coffee = wanky

Calling chicken nuggets Chicken Gougons = wanky

Gah!

Has anyone mentioned 'We want plates' on Facebook. They are fantastic and fully of much wankery when it comes to food and the ridiculous things food is served on.

I agree the obsession with serving things in jars and salads being protein pots is just annoying.

AgathaF and why is the pop of colour always fuchsia?? Or Fucking Fuchsia, as it's now known in our house.

Artisan anything - bread, coffee, cake, sausages.

Just fuck off.

I went there a few years ago and ordered a cocktail. As I started to drink it, the barman burst a balloon in my face.

sparechange this had me giggling madly at my desk.

Oh, and AgathaF totally agree with you about "a pop of colour". Wanky.

But starbucks and costa aren't shit compared to the coffee we used to have - it's still real coffee. Having to have special jamaican dark-roasted wankberry instead is just annoying. It's that attitude that you have the ultimate finest taste and must have the best of everything that annoys me.

I realise it's a free country and these places exist because people who care about that will go to them. Still annoyed though.

At least you know where you are with a Starbucks, though. No risk of your drink appearing in a medical test tube with the milk in a petri dish or some such!

hmm, i think a lot of food in really expensive places is more ' work of art' than actual food. no doubt it all tastes divine, but not for me.

"with a hint of" is also a phrase of wankery.

"Hoppy, with a hint of lemon Fairy" for instance, for Himoverthere's artisanal craft beer.

Jenga chips. Nothing spoils a meal more than knowing that the chips are of the fat and soggy variety and have also been played with. Jenga chips usually arrive half cold too.
Does anyone sometimes have the urge to go up to the man-bun sporting barrista and just scream "Just give me a sodding coffee!"

Why are so many MNers against decent coffee

Because it is served in a lab beaker, with a passive aggressive not on the sugar jar suggesting you 'indulge your senses in the rich natural aromas for a few sips before committing the sin of denigrating the flavour with sucrose'

And don't even get me started on the condescending sneer from a bearded hipster when I have the gall to order a latte
YES SOME PEOPLE WANT MILK IN THEIR COFFEE, YOU BESLEEVED TWAT. GET OVER IT
(The hipster barrista, not you, PP)

I know PP's already mentioned it but serving food on anything other than normal crockery is so wanky!

I can't stand it when my food comes out:

• on a chopping board
• on a slate
• on a skillet hotter than the sun so the food continues to cook before I can finish eating it, turning it to inedible leather!
• in a basket
• in a metal tumbler
• in some sort of weird, hand-shaped 'artisan' bowl.

I can't get my food out of half of these things and the ones that are flat are usually stained and gross!

I once had a salad served to me on a chopping board. The dressing was literally running off the sides of it as the waitress plonked it in front of me! Who's bright idea was that?! Wanky!

"source your ankle skimming pant from our new Spring edit"

=

Buy trousers that are too short from our catalogue

I feel a bit less like Dave Lister ranting about wine bars after reading this thread.

sparechange YES! Fuck off and give me my coffee!

not food-related but can I add the phrase "on-boarding" as in (apparently) "get involved with the onboarding of our new IT system" What the WHAT now? It is NOT a word. Just no.

Vintage coffee my arse. I like mine fresh.

Yes, protein bowls, Buddha bowls, goddess bowls, it's just some food in a bowl it doesn't need a name. The same with bone broth, it's stock! Nothng wrong with drinking it, but call it what it is.

I had a pudding served on a garden fork recently. There was chocolate soil (wanky) in a miniature hand-fired artisanal terracotta plant pot (wanky) and the whole thing was garnished* with edible flowers (wanky).

*Probably "bedecked" actually, but I'd exceeded my wankery quota for that sentence.

Ah there's a (chain) steak house that serves its salad as a "wedge". It's their thing.

What this means in practise is a quarter-sized hunk of Iceberg drizzled with whatever dressing you request, that's served in an impossible to eat from small wooden bowl.

And if you do manage to eat some, you'll find it's been dripping its wateryness into the bottom of the wooden bowl, where it can mingle disgustingly with the dressing (do NOT choose anything creamy) in a sort of gross dishwater soup.

Vile.

Bread baked and served in a terracotta plant pot.

There was a MNer on here a month or so back who ordered a Mocha in a cafe and was given a wooden chopping board with a glass of water, a hot chocolate and an espresso. Wankery!

a review of a restaurant in Italy on Guardian website ( one of the best in the world- apparently ) had a picture of dessert and i thought at first it was a rather nice abstract painting!
one dish was meant to sum up the chef's ' holiday to the south of france' as a small child. the whole eating ' experience' was about the chef and his childhood and people pay 200+ a head to keep the memories fresh in his mind and help him pay for more trips ( to the caribbean this time though)

Billy I just didn't get the point of that one. I think half the point is the hope that customers will go back to the barista, ask them what they're supposed to do with it and they get to be all smug about the ignorant uncool customer.

My OH was not amused on a Christmas night out to be served 'sprout puree' with his turkey instead of actual sprouts

Curating your home = ultimate wank.