Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

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Masons Jars for holding lunch and layered salads etc = wanky

Menus that say things like " Shoestring fries ~ 6.5" = wanky

Nespresso's "Vintage" coffee = wanky

Calling chicken nuggets Chicken Gougons = wanky

Gah!

But starbucks and costa aren't shit compared to the coffee we used to have - it's still real coffee. Having to have special jamaican dark-roasted wankberry instead is just annoying. It's that attitude that you have the ultimate finest taste and must have the best of everything that annoys me

This ^ I LOVE my coffee, and yes, there are better than Starbucks and Costa, but they're perfectly ok.

The issue (with me at least), is those that bang on about how said chain store coffee is for the idiotic and uneducated, and then turn going for a coffee into a arse-achingly dull "experience".

Sorry no - the word is poncy.

Pet hate - poncy crisps plain old salt and vinegar please not sea salt and distilled cider vinegar and what is it with sodding Rocket on every sandwich - its vile

white chocolate emulsion

Fuck off with your emulsion, it's a fucking dessert not a DIY day.

@ sockeatingmonster.

DP likes his sprouts without any additional wankery prettythings and he still moans about a Christmas Dinner we had at his sisters house about 15 years ago where she served sprouts with almonds and got the quantities a bit wrong and there was about 2 sprouts each, immersed in so many almonds, you had to dig for the sprouts.

YOU BESLEEVED TWAT

Woke up baby by laughing at that. Totally worth it

One of our local coffee shops has an extremely wanky "letterpress print" (poster) showing the component parts of loads of different wanky coffees. They use a Nespresso machine.

(Their cakes are good though)

'Hand cooked' crisps.
Who are all these people with hands hot enough to cook anything? Have they been genetically modified so they don't get burned?

Is "emulsion" more or less wanky than "air"?

it's all total wankery bollocks in my book, and those are two words i reserve for stuff i REALLY hate !

'Fish thats been in the sea' on a bed of prawns from the river, hand washed and slung on a plate by a grumpy under paid chef.
Coffee spat out of an old machine nobody bothers to descale.
Catering ice cream , passed off as something exotic on the menu, with a slice of cake - £5 a slice ( when the whole box in the fridge was purchased for about £3)
i know they have their mark upand have to pay their staff, but desserts are a rip off! I never have dessert out of principle.

WindwardCircle I'd forgotten about "bone broth"! I went to Old Street tube station the other day - I used to live there decades ago when it was a windswept semi-derelict mess, and now it's all gentrified. And there was a firm in the tube station called "Bone Daddies" which not only sells "20 hour bone broth" (stock) but also "Clarence Court eggs". Wanky.

white chocolate emulsion

Is it served in little paint tins with the 'emulsion' dripping artfully down the sides of the tin over Farrow and Ball-esqe labels proclaiming that the colour is Equadoran mountain vanilla?

Ahhh I have found my people

I live in the US, but where I live everything is a bit sawdust on the floor, biker bars and people in pick up trucks and camo hunting gear - I think I might have to persuade one of the bars to serve the coffee of a board with cup of water thing though, could be hilarious

When I go to the big city I do notice much wankery, two particularly stick in mind...

• people who like to "do" coffee
• lady who told me her DH gave her "a black eye" she said it in such a gushing cheery tone, I was horrified until I realised she meant an eye-shadow palette

The colours they call paint is a laugh - i saw one called Elephant's breath!
how do they know what it smells like and do you really want that on your wall.

I will drink Costa etc but it is not GOOD coffee. It's not the worst but I'd much rather have a cup of GOOD coffee, ethically sourced and fresh. That's not hipster or wanky.

Good coffee does not automatically mean served in a test tube or lab equipment or whatever. How it's served has NO relevance to the coffee.

anything that is 'curated' - (sock collections anyone!)
anything deconstructed
anything with micro leafs
beard oil
coffee that smiles
people who think that good parenting and just loving your child will conquer everything...

Shops that describe themselves as "retail concepts": "we are a progressive, innovative and ethical lovingly-curated retail concept". Wanky.

Buying free range eggs or locally, ethically sourced meat from your local butcher isn't wanky so why is drinking coffee from your local coffee shop wanky?

This song sums everything up! Love how it starts all sweetness and ends all shirty!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=cX4KuEAYIYY

Oh my goodness, I just looked up the McDonalds coffee advert that was mentioned up thread.

I swear I don't work for McDs, but what genius!

It's if anyone else wants a good laugh. I particularly love the wifi password...

Agree buying local eggs from our village shop isn't wanky. They are just eggs and the chickens look happy enough

splat and smear food ala masterchef. Just fucking stop it. Thats not even pretty, its just wanky and a waste as you can't actually eat it.

How's this for the opposite end of the spectrum.

Was out to lunch with a large family group recently and DMIL was paying for us all (context is important as it meant I couldn't get too narky). I'm allergic to shellfish and asked whether their fishcakes contained any. Off the ridiculously inefficient waitress goes for an inordinate amount of time and eventually comes back with the manager who tells me that she's very sorry, they can't tell me what's in them as they've thrown away the box!!

DH said my face was a picture.

You don't get much in the way of wankery round DMIL's way

I also live near a "tea and art bar", where they do around 20 types of tea (as far as I can make out from several tests, the only difference between them is how much tea you can taste in your cardamom water.)

So far, so amateur levels of wankery. But, BUT! They have a goldfish. A goldfish that lives in a tank made from an old TV. FIL took an amazing photo of 18mo DS1 gesturing at it, with a face that says "wtf is this wankery?!"

Ha ha that's like that story (possibly urban myth) about someone who was in a place where they had "meat curry" on the menu and they asked what meat it was. The waiter didn't know, just that it was "meat" and no one seemed to know. It ended up with them taking the customer into the kitchen where they had a big sack labelled "meat" :o