Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

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Masons Jars for holding lunch and layered salads etc = wanky

Menus that say things like " Shoestring fries ~ 6.5" = wanky

Nespresso's "Vintage" coffee = wanky

Calling chicken nuggets Chicken Gougons = wanky

Gah!

An heirloom tomato is generally considered to be a variety that has been passed down, through several generations of a family

Ha ha ha really???

Love this thread!

Cake jars

I agree. Went out for a meal with friends last week in a very normal non-wanky country pub. Pudding was served on a slice of wood. A literal slice of wood like this, and no as a charger for another dish either, just plonked on the wood.

The wood had warped a bit where it had clearly been washed from previous use and without some sort of a 'lip' round the edge, it made a right mess. A bit of the bark came off and I nearly ate it thinking it was chocolate sponge...

I too love a babyccino. Saves me having to buy adult sized expensive got choc for dd that she can't finish!

Stylists on tv talking about a shoe or boot is wanky. Do these things no longer come in pairs?

Anything served in a jar that doesn't originally come in a jar.

My 12 year old DD loves stuff in jars for tea!

www.tomatofest.com/what-is-heirloom-tomato.html

Who knew!

Don't forget that these things may be curated as well as sourced. Well wanky.

Has anyone seen the latest McDonalds advert for coffee and there are loads of clips about hipster artisan wanky cafes like serving the milk, coffee and water separately in lab beakers and charging £8 a cup etc?

It was like they had made the advert after reading the Lincoln hipster wanky mocha thread from a couple of weeks ago.

'Bowls' as in 'Protein bowls - £8.99'.

Which is basically a salad with some quinoa, nuts and fish/meat/egg in it.

Or, as it's known in our house, 'a salad'.

Not 'a protein bowl'.

Wankery.

The term 'lovingly', when applied to the food industry:

lovingly sourced, lovingly selected, lovingly placed etc

I went to a wanky out-of-town shopping experience place with wanky cafes and lots of expensive shoppes and artisanal fake wooden cart things be-laden with organic vegetables and wanktastic chutney and the like.

I thought I'd treat myself to some fancy salad veg and picked up a nice-looking heritage tomato, OK it was large but only about apple-sized. They weighed it and asked me for £4.95!!!

I am usually quite meek in these situations and cough up but I was so flabbergasted I yelled "£4.95 for a tomato!!!???" and refused to buy it.

Cake jar

Menus make me laugh mostly.
Ramp up the words, ramp up the price of it all.
when you do get to eat it, its normally not that great anyway.
True about crisps too. the better the font on the front, the more they cost.

Person wearing a red lip and sourcing a trouser (almost certainly a cigarette pant) will probably be doing so in a nude pump. Wankily.

Any dish that contains "ash". Where I come from, burning yer dinner means you're not very good at cooking, not that you get to charge £16.95 for it.

Oh yes and "hand-finished". "Lovingly hand-finished" chocolates or cakes etc. from M&S and the like. It puts me off! Firstly that I'm supposed to be impressed that some poor low-paid worker has to do stuff by hand unnecessarily (lovingly, probably not let's be honest) and secondly, it just makes me think of someone poking about with the food with their fingers.

'pair back with' - as in, 'our slouchy camel pant, paired back with our must-have blouson from the summer edit'

'colourway' - as in, 'available in three colourways'

'pant' - they're fucking pants

'Hand-cut chips' = we'll charge you $5.00 extra for them to look wonky

A google-earth-worthy geographical description of where the pig/duck/cow was reared: 'medallions of Amelia Park lamb with pan-fried Avon Valley pork liver' - I don't give a toss!

WANK.

Deconstructed meals

We have a basic cafe in our town
on the drinks bit it says:
Tea £1
coffee £1
I must be common, but that suits me.

That ^^ was a spag bol by the way

"H2O hydration station". Its a table with glasses and a water jug on it FFS.

Agree with the general wankiness - but goujons definitely predate nuggets (so perhaps 'nuggets' wanky if you think about it!) and I love a babychino - usually free/included or 50p rather than an overpriced drink that won't be finished!

However, bloody hate food served on pieces of wood/slate/a shovel/a tiny tin bucket. Pretentious wank. Also sneery hipsters with a list of tasting notes for the coffee beans choices on their blackboard (or that might just be my local sneery hipsters!?).

Pea foam and the like.

I'd rather have actual peas.