Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

[00100001]

Masons Jars for holding lunch and layered salads etc = wanky

Menus that say things like " Shoestring fries ~ 6.5" = wanky

Nespresso's "Vintage" coffee = wanky

Calling chicken nuggets Chicken Gougons = wanky

Gah!

Words that render the normal instantly wanky:

Clothes shop - Eclectic boutique (wanky)
Loaf of bread - Artisan baked (wanky)

Like waterytart I hate 'artisan' anything as it's really another word for 'overpriced'. Eclectic is a word much overused by pointless frock and/or gift shops. Wanky.

See 369 I never ask for a babycinno if it'snot on the menu but I have asked for a "small warm milk" a few times and had the person in the cafe reply "you mean a babycinno" then I feel like a tit.

Yay gads, I came on here to say a "pop" of anything makes me cringe so much my butthole puckers.

A "pop" of lipstick, a "pop" of colour, just "pop" it in the oven.

I thankfully get to watch a lot of this wankery from afar, from a tiny little island that seems to have been largely unaffected (for the most part), although we've had plenty of "artisan" breads and salads served in mason jars, but I can glide right on past because it isn't too bad.

When it's in your face in every single bar or gastro-pub you go into, I can imagine my bloody pressure would rise too. I can't wait to come back to London for a visit in July, I'll have exploded before the week is out!

I was just reading Observer Food Monthly with my lunchtime minestrone, which is probably wanky in itself, but was struck by its wanky claim that "Making salted eggs is laughably easy." It goes on to say "boil up a supersaturated salt solution, add sichuan peppercorns, a few star anise; when cool add a good slug of shaoxing wine then pour over eggs you have wiped and placed in a sterilised jar. Weigh down and seal, then put somewhere cool and dark for a month (3 weeks for hen eggs)." Personally I am ROFL at how easy that sounds.

LondonStill

"ruin the integrity of his craft"

Avocados hipstered up into a "thing" - wanky.

Are people really still to the slate/plate, jar/glass thing? wankers

Glad someone mentioned 'curated'. That is peak wank at the moment. Everything is curated. So, my desk is not a shambolic mess, it is a selection (sorry, 'edit') of random objets (in for a penny, in for a pound), curated by me.

As ever, Viz Comic has good things to say about this. E.G. 'Middle class problems': "Oh no, all the jamjars are dirty. I'll have to drink my beer out of a glass".

And DH has the last word on Costa: "Costa Coffee! it's the same coffee we serve in garages!".

I was served a 'pile of chips' in a restaurant just now. Wanky menu!

'I saw you coming' shops are wanky. You know the ones, they have a bit of bunting up and are in a naice area, so they'll charge £20 for a mug and coaster set you could find in Poundland.

As a massive and irrelevent aside - DH thinks he invented the word wanky.

If it's a month for "eggs", but 3 weeks for "hen eggs", then what kind of eggs are the wanky standard, then, MaroonPencil? Turtle eggs? Goose eggs? Fish eggs? Platypus eggs? Duck eggs? Pterodactyl eggs?

Though I did see a vair posh butcher in Holland Park sell seagull eggs once. They were eyewateringly expensive, possibly because you'd risk your life trying to steal them from the gulls.

elsa you'r DH is wrong

archery you missed Unicorn Eggs,

'Frying off ' - utter WankBadger.

Apparently butter beans are now trendy therefore on the verge of becoming wanky.

seagull eggs! I think i have heard it all now. Seagulls near me are hard with knuckle dusters on their feet - they wouldnt give their eggs up without a fight.

All i see in my local butcher is a tray of mince, some nice beef joints and those green things that look like little hedges to' fraction off' the meat from the sausages. No sign of any fancy eggs round here.

I used to eat butter beans as a kid in a stew. The stuff my mum cooked from scratch would go down a storm with the hipsters now i suppose.
They could market it as 'retro food' or some such thing.

I love butter beans don't make them wanky :(

The last word in wankery - Gluten free water, repeat GLUTEN FREE WATER.

Water is made from wheat, who knew?

HERE

Wankery!

PS. I didn't go looking for this, I have just bought some water off Amazon (so I'm a bit wankery myself tbh), but this was in related products.

The80sweregreat I don't think "retro" is wanky enough any more. It would have to be "a heady mix of hand-sourced artisanal ingredients, redolent of the authentic late-20th century small-batch dining experience".

Oh god, are butter beans going to get expensive then?

Or perhaps the tinned ones will be safe and only the artisan poncy jarred ones will be sold for silly money in naice delis I bet they already are.

"Small-batch dining experience" = yer mum cookin' yer tea.

Page, yes - i can see your point.
the butter beans my mum bought were just plain old butter beans and lots of veg for the stew. That sounds very boring and wouldnt sell!

Oh look, they already are£4.45 a jar from Brindisa

Archery, I've known prisoners in coastal jails to steal sea-gull eggs. Inedibly salty apparently.

small batch dining experience - i will use this on the dh next time.
He wont get it.