Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

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Masons Jars for holding lunch and layered salads etc = wanky

Menus that say things like " Shoestring fries ~ 6.5" = wanky

Nespresso's "Vintage" coffee = wanky

Calling chicken nuggets Chicken Gougons = wanky

Gah!

Use of the word "Guys" is plaguing our local cafes, and imo is wanky.

"Hi Guys, how are you today?" Standard response: "thirsty".

I'm sure in ye olden days waiting on staff would welcome you, hand you a menu and take your order without getting all touchy-feely about it.

Ooh, just realised that could be artisanal. "Sea-gull eggs, hand harvested by genuine criminals".

They are taught on training day to try and interact with the customers - hence all this 'guys' stuff - being English i bite my tongue and resist the line ' actually i'm a woman' but just grit my teeth and smile politely whilst waiting for my bread board of stuff and leave a tip.
It was TGI Fridays in 1996 where i first had the 'guys' treatment i believe ( one and only time i've ever been in there) before anything American became the norm. its mostly false , but i am polite as they work hard in these places for not much money and long shifts and its not really their fault the management want them to be all crazy and pretend they really care about our experience with the wire basket.

Any property advertised by estate agents as 'Architect Designed'. As opposed to what? Built according to plans that were finger painted by a toddler?

I think your standard butterbeans will be ok barbara, I am presuming these new WANKY butter beans will be as follows ;

'Giant mongolian butterbeans, meticulously hand dried, then lightly steamed in a truffle infused gluten free brine for one whole moon phase, before being gently milled with celeriac dust and juniper root shavings, to form a delectable mash.'

'The above dish will be served in a hilariously ironic gilded conch shell especially curated for us by local homeless artisans, as part of our "I wish I could be by the seaside" initiative .'

Or some such twattery...

Butter beans are not allowed to be wanky, they're too good in left over stew. I think tinned beans are safe anyway - the tv chefs get all po faced over those because apparently it's FAR better to soak dried beans for 24 hours than just opening a tin when you're ready. Wanky prats.

flump, steady on, you will be snapped up by a marketing agency soon at this rate. Giving the humble butter bean ideas above their station in life.

Calamari - wanky - it's squid!

the80's

One of the approximately 208766 cafes in my town has just put up a sign saying all hot drinks are made with filtered water. Thank goodness for that.

TV chefs should all just cook for each other and keep off the tele with their smug faces and Michelin stars - 'ive got more than you' smug fest that goes on behind the scenes of their fancy cookers.
They all hate each other really i bet - Anthony Worrell Thomson's book Raw was the most humourless piece of narrative ive ever had the misfortune to buy out of a charity shop, although i did read it all!
I hate cooking though.
Rick Stein is the only cook i like watching!!

ahh, but is it gluten free water as well marroon? if it aint gluten free then i'm out.

Pan Fried.

It sounds healthy, but in actual fact it is food that has been fried.
In a frying pan. Swimming in grease.
It's fried food pretending to be posh.

I also wonder about pan fried. What else where they proposing to fry food in?

I just wanted to add that DD aged 2 cleverly combined the words manky and wonky, then spent a hilarious few weeks loudly describing everything she saw as wanky

Pan fried is just another hood wink.
if they said 'micro waved' ( and told the truth about some of it) nobody would go in there.

I used to work in a very busy cafe, where most of the proper food was bought in (Brooks Brothers) and microwaved. We couldn't get away with pretending we'd cooked it as the cafe was so small, the 'ding!' of the microwave was audible right to the back.

In other news, I am so grateful to this thread for the We Saw You Coming videos. They are beautiful.

Pan Fried. It sounds healthy, but in actual fact it is food that has been fried

Pan fried doesn't sound healthy, its not intended to. The clue is in the name, if anyone is surprised that pan fried food is fried, they aren't paying attention.
Although if yours is swimming in grease, you're not pan frying properly.

It's not a hoodwink, its a simple description of how something is cooked.There are plenty of wanky foodie phrases, but that is not one of them!

We're a bit behind in rural Wales - our local cafe had a refit with definite aspirations of Wankery - they now serve sarnies on plastic roof slates! Who even makes such a thing? (and the sarnies kept sliding off...)

Oh yes, and they have a purple thing going on, so the coleslaw had a pop of aubergine purple food colouring in it.

Won't be going back.

roof slates? oh no.

If you want purple in your coleslaw, OhGod, best thing is a bit of red cabbage with the white cabbage! Turns the salad cream pinky-purple.

Has anyone mentioned the latest coffee trend in wanky hipster places - they want coffee beans that are grown at a certain altitude

My friend overheard a guy in an east London coffee shop ask at what altitude the beans were grown as he wont drink anything over 2,500 km

I live in a place without any wankery, it's a big shock when I go to London. The only time I see it regularly is Facebook with the "I feel so blessed" mums.

Yy to coleslaw made with red cabbage and red onion. Very pretty.

For wankery though it has to be called just slaw. That's what the wankers call it.

Typically kale slaw - fuck off.