Ridiculous, embarrassing accidents/injuries..

[FlouncyMcFlouncer]

I have just trapped a nipple between two plastic laundry baskets and almost severed it. Unbelievably painful, unbelievably embarrassing to tell anyone about in RL!!

Make me feel better by telling me your humiliating mishaps? Happy to bask in the warmth of other's distress

[JulietBravoJuliet]

I knocked myself out at a soft play centre I tried to stand up fully, and quickly, under one of the supporting poles designed for people under 5ft. I'm 5ft 6!!! I ended up in hospital with concussion. My friend has never let me live it down...

[tropical1]

When I was about 14, I decided to try tampons for the first time. I think they were called Playtex?? Plastic applicators with teeth . Got it in ok, but when I went to take it out, I came over all fuzzy headed. Went out of the loo, fainted on the landing, as I went down, hit my chin on the little metal bit that is on a door that closes it, cut my chin open and came round looking at swirly brown & orange carpet ( it was in the 70's (embarrassed) )with my mum & older brother standing over me. They'd been downstairs & heard the door slam followed by a thud.
Still got the scar....didn't use Playtex again.

[missjimmy]

One of my early attempts at immac failed horrendously, when I left if on slightly too long on my upper lip. It was like a red moustache. Thought I'd done a good cover up job on it, went on hot date, got snogging, a few hours later went to the bathroom and my red moustache (covered up) was no longer covered up and instead turned into 2 grazed looking scabs! Oh the shame. I couldn't get me and my tash out of their quick enough.

[pearlgirl]

Years ago I knocked myself out by bumping my head on the pointy corner of an open fridge door and recently broke my nose and gave myself two lovely black eyes by slipping as I got into the bath to shower and landing face first on the side of our cast iron bath - I work with teenagers who saw through all my attempts to cover the black eyes up and were sceptical about how it had happened.

[oinkling]

While I think about it, there was a chap I used to work with who had an embarrassing injury. I'll repeat the story in his words. If you want to assume there is more to it than meets the eye, you would not be alone in that.

He was in his bathroom naked but felt too warm. His bathroom window is quite high and he can only get to it by standing on the toilet. Because he didn't want to fall off the toilet and injure himself he went downstairs to fetch a broom and put the broomy end against the door and leant his buttock against the phallic end in order to steady himself. Unfortunately he still slipped and a terrible thing ensued for which he needed medical aid.

[oinkling]

missjimmy Eek! I know how that feels. I once wronged my sister and she Immac'd my arm while I was sunbathing and asleep. It was the pain that woke me up.

[Dobbiesmum]

First time meeting my what turned out to be future in laws, all went well and as I left I turned to say bye to DH's mum. I overbalanced, tripped over fresh air and landed 3 steps down flat on my back, narrowly missing one of the cats and bruising my entire arse. Future MIL went on to shout 'byeeeeee' in the manner of someone falling into a black hole for months afterwards..
Rolling down a hill in the local park, rolled over a pretty irate wasp and got stung on the thigh.
Walking home from a rare night out with DH and we got erm, slightly over amorous while walking through the park. Dodged into some bushes for a quickie, sorted ourselves out and walked home, all the time I'm thinking that I had scratched myself on the back and would have a look later. Got home and my parents just stared at me, as in our rush into the bushes I had ripped the back of my top open from top to bottom and had a lovely big red cut all the way down my spine which was starting to bleed rather a lot. Had to confess to parents as they thought we had been attacked...

[PixieBumbles]

When I was 7 I was in school and for some reason decided it would be a good idea to blow into a pot of pencil shavings. Of course a bit flew up and hit me in the eye. It was agony. On the plus side while I waited for my mum to pick me up to take me to minor injuries I got to sit in with the class next door, who were watching an episode of Geordie Racer that our class hadn't seen yet. And I got given an eyepatch by the doctor, which made me so cool because I was totally like a pirate!

Silver linings and all that.

Also, I broke my foot last year whilst morris dancing. The triage nurse couldn't stop laughing.

[Mogz]

A rather tipsy house party went downhill quite quickly because of an argument breaking out between myself and two lads. I somehow ended up handcuffed to one of the them whilst the other took the key and drove 15ish miles home.
After a few minutes of stunned silence, a but of giggling an thn swearin when we realised there was no spare key, We had to walk in to town, on a very busy Friday night, to try and find a copper who could free us.
Cue EVERYONE from my college classes being out and spotting us, many raised eyebrows and a badly hidden giggle from from the police officer on duty whilst he fetched this big cluster of keys to try. Not one of them worked, it turned out the cuffs I had were ones the police had not yet been issued. By this point my hand is going a bit numb and funny coloured so the cop offers to hacksaw us free if we can't get hold of a key.
Luckily it didnt come to that. We found someone who had the lad with key's mum's phone number; she wasn't impressed and sent him back to us immediately along with an apology card (she also later sent me chocolate cake) and soon we were free!
It didn't end there though, next day I had to explain to my dad why I had a big scab around my wrist and then by first break at college on Monday the whole bloody student body and most of the teachers knew. The only saving grace was my mum never found out so I didn't have to explain a) why I had handcuffs in the first place and b) what I was doing with them in a house full of drunk guys...

[Fishandjam]

Had cooked napalm curry with Scotch Bonnet chillies. Forgot to wear gloves while chopping, and probably didn't wash my hands as thoroughly as I should have done.

Fast forward a few hours to bedtime. Was lying in bed in the all together, and got an itch below the 39th Parallel. Scratched said itch.

AAAAARRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Took at least 24 hours and what felt like an entire tub of Sudocrem to feel better...

[GinGuzzler]

Put hair remover down there and left it on a bit to long. Results were not planned result. Movement had caused it to spread to places not intended which stung and the landing strip I'd hoped for was a mere dot on a very sore and irritated area. It never grew back the same. I was once neat and tidy

[Tapirbackrider]

Dh and I were dtd in the shower, I slipped and hurt my back; it was sore but not too bad, so I went to work.... (police, in uniform)

It got markedly worse as the day went on, and I ended up going to A&E and had to explain (whilst still in uniform) exactly how I'd managed to hurt myself

[Weegiemum]

I broke my coccyx slipping on wet leaves.

I couldn't sit down for weeks!

[namechangedjustforthis]

My story didn't involve me but it involved my daughter getting hurt because of me! Bad mother alert, I had memories of me and my brothers going down the stairs on a sledge, and having so much fun, and told my daughter about it and she wanted to do it so I was stood at bottom of the stairs with camera to catch her expression and she went down with my encouragement (she was scared!) and I honestly bought she had broke her back, she came down so fast and battered herself of every stair then crashed into the wall! I felt so bad! I'm not sure what possessed me to think it would be fun, and why my memories were nothing like the reality!

[wigglesrock]

I was 17 and was smoking while kissing (oh the glamour ) the exceptionally cool beautiful young man I'd been lusting over. I put my hand with the lit cig around hid neck and promptly burnt myself in the middle of my forehead.

I had to be exceptionally sneaky quick thinking to explain that one to my Mum.

[BabsAndTheRu]

Crying with laughter at the sledge down the stairs.

I caught my foot in the duvet while getting out of bed in the night for a wee. Landed face first on the floor. Huge carpet burn down the middle of my face from forehead to chin, and to top it all ended up weeping myself due to the shock and the fact I was bursting.

[BabsAndTheRu]

Weeing not weeping

[TenToWine]

ecofreckle, I have had a wasp sting on a flap. It was agony and swelled up a lot. We had a bit of an infestation at the flat I was staying in, and I think one must have been somehow tangled in my dressing gown when I put it on.

[absentmindeddooooodles]

An ex and I were dtd in the middle of the day in his room. He got a bit over excited and decided to ( with no warning) bend my legs a bit too far backwards....cue me falling backwards off the bed and landing inbetween the gap between the bed and wall. Now, it was such a tiny gap that my knees both met with my face and knocked one of my teeth out :( blood everywhere and me butt naked still stuck in the gap.

His parents heard the commotion and run in tobsee what the problem is. His dad burst out laughing and proceeded to wheese his was downstairs and continue randomly going into hysterics for the next few days. Hismum on the other hand was never that nice to me again. ( rather strixt roman catholic)

[Fishandjam]

Didn't I read on another fred that a MNer broke her foot with a Kegel weight, which shot out of her fanjo? And that she told the A&E nurse it was a frozen chicken? I remember laughing myself silly over that!

[Snatchoo]

OMG absentmindeddooooodles I have just cried at that!

I have cut the inside of my nose before, when washing my face and accidentally sticking my finger up there. It stung!

Also, it didn't hurt, but my sister still falls about laughing at me, about 14 or so, running into the patio doors full pelt to get the phone. She said I looked like a fly splatted on there

[cocolepew]

Ahem, that was me with the weight. Obviously it was the biggest one in the set. Bastard shot out like a bullet.

DH stood on a plastic giraffe once and cut his foot. It was a bloodbath .

[Wuxiapian]

ThreesyDoesIt, that's brilliant! I've laughed until I've cried!!

[YoureAllABunchOfBastards]

Mine would totally out me. And DH's would as well. Might have to name change!