Ridiculous, embarrassing accidents/injuries..

[FlouncyMcFlouncer]

I have just trapped a nipple between two plastic laundry baskets and almost severed it. Unbelievably painful, unbelievably embarrassing to tell anyone about in RL!!

Make me feel better by telling me your humiliating mishaps? Happy to bask in the warmth of other's distress

Years ago an ex-colleague spent ages trying to get me to leave my job to work for her company. Eventually I agreed when they offered me a fantastic package because she'd bigged me up so much.

The weekend before I was due to start, my roomie from uni came to visit. We got absolutely wasted and went back to a house party, where I stupidly started a water fight. On wood laminate flooring, I slipped, smacked my head on the ground and knocked myself out. When I came round, I had chipped my front teeth, broken my arm and had a perfectly formed purple black eye around my entire eye socket.
I can still picture the look on my new colleague's faces when I turned up for work on the Monday morning - this much-anticipated, uber multi-skilled professional with a comedy black eye and arm in a sling.

On a chilly visit to the parents (aged about 28), it snowed and the hill they lived on was like a sheet of ice, so my sister and I decided to relive our childhood sledging fun....however I had forgotten the delicate art of steering and was heading for the thick hedge at the verge. Instead of just rolling off, I put my arm out to save me and cracked my elbow on the frozen road so hard a massive lump and bruise covered my entire arm. The funny part is my ruddy sister laughed so hard she actually wet herself, and her uncomfortable comedy walk back up the hill to the house was quite something.... Same sister is also responsible for throwing a bar of soap at me in temper just as we were leaving to go on holiday, resulting in a massive fat lip - bless her.

In my student days I was staying in digs and the blokes down stairs were partital to playing 24 hours from Tulsa very loudly.

In jest, although later I didn't see the funny side. I used a broom to bang hard on the floor below.

My fatal mistake was I was not wearing any shoes and the broom met my toes with such a force as to break them.

Gene Pitney has never been the same.

Had been for a run on the beach with the dogs. The car park was pretty quiet so I decided to quickly whip off my sweaty top and put a hoody on. But as I pulled the top up my shoulder dislocated and I couldn't move, sweaty old bra fully on show. Luckily a camper van full of people pulled in at that moment and helped me get sorted.

I dislocated my knee at Uni crouching down in very tight jeans to get a bag of broccoli out of the freezer

I also know someone who broke his wrist tripping over a flapjack

My first post on MN! Great thread, thought I'd add me own story.

I was getting out of DH's van to open the gate at my mum's house one night. My handbag strap had become wound around my foot and of course I fell out, shattering my ankle. I've been skiing, climbed mountains but I break my ankle in the most meaningless, stupidest way possible! I managed to keep dessert in tact. Never eaten pineapple cake since.

My ex, as a child, was sliding down something in the garden and got stuck on a nail, ripping the crown jewels. Ouchy

I once decided the big blue beanbag in Ikea looked fun to run at and jump into. Beanbag it was not. It was a big inflatable thing. Cue me bouncing off the other side in the middle on Ikea on a Saturday.

Only the other day I forgot we had put baby oil in the bath for DS. One leg in bath, other out of bath. Side of bath about 6" wide and tiled, cue bath leg sliding everywhere and a MAHOOSIVE bruise on outside leg.

My Grandma when I was a kid coming out of her friends house with potted plants in her hand. Me, my Mum and brother sat in the car. Next minute I heard THUD and grandma had disappeared. A few seconds later I see her scrabbling up from the kerb covered in soil and her hair everywhere. I was so distraught I was crying, my mum was laughing and my brother just sat there and didnt know what to do! I remember about 30 mins later, her still wiping soil off herself including her ear holes lol

My Grandad has a false eye after an accident. Once being in a hospital canteen me him and my cousin and he had some pure orange. So sour it made him squint. Cue me and cousin (maybe about 6/7) scrabbling around the floor looking for his eye!

Frightening at the time but can 'laugh' now. My DS (aged 6) still had the habit of putting things in his mouth. Unfortunately he partially swallowed the Monopoly dog. It didn't travel to his stomach because its feet got stuck in his throat. Had to go into hospital to get it removed. The hospital gave us back the dog in a sample jar.

My first MN post!

About 18 months ago, I was upstairs putting away laundry while DH was out at a client dinner. One of the dogs was being a brat, stealing socks and whatnot and she decided to tear off downstairs with my lovely, new, expensive bra.

I gave chase and promptly slipped at the top of the stairs, tumbled violently down them all arse over tit and ended up in a bloody heap at the bottom. I didn't have my phone on me so I had to wait, in complete agony and unable to move a muscle until DH staggered home drunk as a lord about 4 hours later.

He untangled me, causing shrieks which had the little bugger of a dog howling in chorus and I limped my way to A&E. Didnt break anything thank god, but I was COVERED from head to toe in bruises and my bottom has never been the same. Also, while I was in A&E, DH was blissfully snoring like a drunken fool. Was so tempted to leave him there.

I've just read half this thread with a weird sense of de ja vu, before realising that I'd actually contributed to it several times under at least two different old usernames - that's how long it's been running on and off!

I have two

1st one when I was 5 I stupidly put a coat over my head and rode my bike into the glass coffee table, glass tipped up and sliced straight down the side of my right eye, lucky not to hit the eye, have a 4 inch scar though

2nd one, running for a bus and completely torn my calf muscle, was the strangest feeling as my entire leg felt like it was exploding, then the bruising which covered the entire back of the leg

Neighbours drive is attached to ours but is about three foot lower. Whilst carrying ds's very heavy isofix car seat to put back in my car I just miss stepped and suddenly was falling. I hit my knee hard and scraped my elbow. Leapt up in case anyone had seen me, fixed the seat into place, walked into the house and fell to the floor in floods! Something about grazing your knees makes you five again!

my exH and my DF both ended up with bruises on their forehead after sticking a wobble globe on there to amuse their DCs. I don't remember my DF doing it, but I laughed so much when exH did it I almost wet myself

I have a fair few! Mostly sex related.

Fairly inexperienced with 1st ever BF. He was a lot more experienced than me (and a bit of a dick). Was going down on him, when he, without warning (told you he was a dick), finished in my mouth. I only remember looking up at him completely startled, then throwing up all over him! Still makes me howl to this day. It all just came straight out all over him, the bedding, everything. I still can't even talk about semen in the mouth, or think about it without cackling like a witch.

Also farted in said BF's mouth once whilst warning him and trying so hard to wriggle away. He sulked so hard, refused to continue and left me lying in bed cackling away whilst he threw a tantrum that a 2yo would struggle to rival.

And my absolute favourite, which is not mine at all. So best friend had a love interest in uni, who had gone to the same high school as us. Said lad, had never had sex. He came across a girl on a night out, who lived in the same halls as him. They go back to his place and they have a bit of foreplay then dtd. After the act, he goes to his communal kitchen, to find himself covered, mouth and all, in blood, much to the horror of his flat mates. This is about 4am, and his parents are coming to pick him up at 8am to go home for Christmas. Poor lad, in his mangled state had to convince this girl to swap sheets with him. So his parents come to pick him up and he's got bloody bright pink unicorn bedding! Still makes me howl thinking about it. Poor lad.

I used to be a groom. One time while making the muck heap I jammed the pitch fork through my boot and foot, stepped back and trod on the broom head, clonking myself on the back of the head. Still have a lovely round scar on my foot.

DH got up after DTD, was still a bit stiff, chatting to me as he opened the door on his way to the bathroom and, clonk, smacked his willy so hard with the door edge the kids woke up. We said daddy had slipped and banged his head on the door.

Lmao at this thread, till I just gave myself an accidental fanjo wax thanks to a wandering sanitary pad.

Damn sticky strip can't stick to pants, but on lady garden its like fricking superglue.

My beauty therapist friend burnt my bum hole and crack using too hot wax when training. She's great at it now! Reminder every time i sat down though.

Well, seeing as we're resurrecting this thread, I tripped over a tree root on BH Monday. Assorted bruises, winded myself....

And sprained both big toes.

I have been walking like a penguin since.

Next time the doc tells me to get more exercise, I shall tell her to get stuffed.

I sprained both my feet in the midst of an argument over two months ago and had to go to A&E the day after because I could barely walk. I don't think the nurse and her student quite believed my story though since my voice was the biggest giveaway. Hopefully they just thought I had a sore throat! One thing I did learn from that though is to find better ways to release my anger rather than doing something that may result in intentionally hurting myself.

UNINTENTIONALLY* I really should proof read what I write. 🤣

So a couple weeks ago at work, I somehow managed to run over my left foot with office chair, it was a bit painful but it wasn't until I got home and took sick off to find a large bruise at the bottom of my big toe, didn't hurt at all, then last week when bruise was starting to fade, I felt a lump about halfway down my foot on the same trajectory as the big toe. Went to docs just for clarity and turns out that I've torn a ligament from the original injury (it will heal on its own) it's very itchy though

That will go with my displaced knuckle on my middle finger that I injured last year!

Sock not sick *

I was helping to move a very large chest of drawers, and was in my pyjamas.
As I manoeuvred it around a corner, a drawer opened, then slammed shut.
My nipple got slammed in the drawer. It was agony.
I dropped the chest of drawers and also broke a metatarsal as a result.
It was bad times. I wish I’d worn a bra!

I have caught my boob in the nutcrackers a few times at Xmas.

Rented a room in the house of a colleague at new job who had interestingly decorated the walls of the bathroom with bone china plates. Had a shower using the bath shower attachment and whilst stepping out of the bath I slipped a tiny bit and put my hand out to steady myself...would have been nothing to even comment on. However, I nudged one of the plates with my finger tip which fell off the wall, broke in half and when it hit the curved end of the bath gained momentum and slid towards my ankle partially slicing through my Achilles tendon. Cue Psycho style blood in shower and excruciating pain! Think I went into shock as patched myself up, put on some heels (kept the tendon cut closed) got on the bus and went to work. Was new in the city and had no family and house mate had gone away so just thought I'd better get on with it! Arrived dramatically as I literally fell through the door and had to be rushed to hospital. Doctors in A and E couldn't quite believe it and there was a steady stream of doctors who kept arriving whilst being stitched and plastered up who wanted to hear the tale.