to warn you all to take out the extended warranty on your child?

[entropygirl]

I didn't as I didn't think it was good value for money at the time and now I am stuck with a faulty child!

A, by no means comprehensive, list of the faults includes:

The emission of stinking substances of various consistencies and colours; no understandable speech but instead the child has started emitting high pitch yells for no apparent reason; a total lack of musical ability; a tendency to use noodles as a weapon of mass destruction; a faulty sleep mode which fails intermittently throughout the day and night; and some sort of failure in the mobility function which causes falling and bumping.

I suppose as I have only had the product (of conception) for 10 months I may be able to get a refund under the manufacturers guarantee instead?

[Bogeyface]

Thats one of the many parts of the OMG software. It incorporates Old Parent, Useless Parent, Embarrassing Parent amongst others. One of its more virulent installations is the You Are So Stupid software. Once activated the unti displays just the behaviour you describe, and also "FFS" muttered at almost inaudible volume and sometimes initiates the Sarcasm add-on.

[Bogeyface]

Very good point Saggy and one that many unit owners fail to monitor

:o love it!

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

Blue model has a small plastic rectangle to enable him to aquire consumer durables.

The magnetic strip is rendered useless in my presence meaning that only my plastic rectangle will function (in Game or HMV).
And the memory bank which can repeat on request which Assassins Creed character can kill A.N.Other Assassins Creed character will spontaneously cut out when asked to type in its PIN number.
Thus ensuring blue models monetary balance doesn't deplete.

[entropygirl]

Oh not fair - you all started posting while I was busy!

A big shout out for 'undercarriage protectors' took me a while to get but was worth the effort!

I seem to have caught the sleep mode malfunction virus and should have been in bed 3 hours ago....

[Bogeyface]

Again, you need Street Talk/I Am Going To Get One For Myself.

The unit would rather shut down than allow that software to complete.

[entropygirl]

Does anyone have a functioning copy of the 'keratin up regulation' app? My product is still a hairless wonder.

[entropygirl]

Also my 10 mo unit was accessing the manual for the car earlier andI have a horrible feeling there may be crossed wires with the satnav. It is entirely possible the units for words will be 'you have arrived at your destination' or even worse 'recalculating'.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

I'm anticipating the :

Embarassing Mum+Kareoke machine+ holiday where nobody knows me = insertion and inititation of Pink and Blue Models "FFS sit down and stop that"
Eye Rolling and Head Snake mode.

I'll get my own back for the time Blue Model opened the toilet door and exposed me sitting on the loo to everyone in PizzaHut who walked past.
Disclaimer- I was in the Baby Change/Disabled loo. I was hugely pgmanufacturing Pink model.
I couldn't run as fast as Blue.

[CowboysGal]

quite possibly my fave thread ever. Think I may even print off Engineer Bogeyfaces step by step instructions and pin them to the bathroom door (after buying a lock)

[entropygirl]

I still think the real problem is that anyone finding a proper good quality supplier is unlikely to be willing to share the information!

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

Out of interest, has anyone ever worked out where the pc backup cable plugs in? There are several slots, but none of them seem to be USB compatible!

[Bogeyface]

Entropy Sadly, once the Unit/Satnav connection has been made there is nothing you can do to stop it. But, I recommend you browse the many voices now available for SatNav, it wont stop your Units first audio being "You have reached your destination" but imagine how entertaining it will be to have it said in the voice of Brian Blessed, Stephen Fry or Jeremy Clarkson!


OK, maybe not Jeremy Clarkson.

[entropygirl]

hmmm that's an interesting point saggy

there does seem to be binary information of a sort emitting from one of my units various orifices, but it's rather slow going...only about 1 byte per week at the moment.

a faster data rate is achieved from the smaller paired holes but the 'bit's' tend to go missing and end up, as someone else mentioned earlier, on your trousers.

[Kayano]

I am quite loyal to my supplier as he has provided me with an excellent model and even does free repairs when the feeding mechanism is not working and has worn me out.

However I have been eyeing up a rival supplier... One 'Jenson Button industries' I am waiting patiently for him to market his product again and we'll see how loyal I am to the Mr. Kayano brand...

[Bogeyface]

You need an adaptor Saggy. The ports are in the thumbs and can be accessed by placing a mobile phone, video game handset or remote control within reach of the unit and then backing up via that.

Its not an ideal situation but sadly as each Unit is unique, making a standard USB port is currently impossible. That said, there are scientists in Stepford that I believe are working on it.

[Kayano]

I would also possibly look into Jeremy Clarkson inc. too as I do like to take a risk and have unusual taste when it comes to acquiring new models.

An update: model 'sleepy baby 2012' is still performing exceptionally however has now taken to random Squarking in its sleep. So I am awake yet it is not...
I am monitoring this tonight then will speak to my supplier at 9am sharp

[Bogeyface]

Kayono. You need to upgrade your tech support to 24/7 otherwise your supplier may not be able to fully appreciate the performance issues you are facing. I would recommend you upgrade NOW and ask the supplier to update on the overnight performance at 8am.

[Bogeyface]

Oh and Kayono, please be aware that inerest in Jeremy Clarkson Inc. may indicate a problem with your own software, so I recommend you speak to an expert about that immediately. The specialists at EwanMcgregor.com are particularly good.

[Kayano]

I am aware of the 'bad taste wtf are you thinking?!' virus I acquired in my early 20s. I have tried everything to get rid of this virus and upgrade my own software.

However my backup drive is not working and the only way to fix it is a full system wipe... I'm just not willing to lose all that data.

So unfortunately I am stick with horrendous taste...

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

I am a micro technology addict. I'm getting my next upgrade from RichardHammond.net!

[Bogeyface]

:o Saggy!

[Chilenachica]

You could have warned me before now entropygirl I've had mine more than ten years, bloody warranty's run out

[MimsyBorogroves]

Sigh. My second model's sleep function has become faulty and requires it to be reconnected to the motherboard every 90 minutes through the night until 4am, whereupon it becomes every 15 minutes until my own AlarmClock feature initiates. I find often this feature is overridden by the Ohfuckitasifineedsleepwhydontwealljustbloodygetupnow app in myself.

This also often interacts negatively with model 1's sleep functions, resulting in Unbearable mode being activated by 4.30pm.

Model 2 is 4 months. Apparently this is a common fault. Thinking of contacting office of fair trading or suchlike and advising that, as couples begin PurchasingProcess an employee should interrupt and advise them of this potential.

[MimsyBorogroves]

Lack of own sleep function has made my punctuation function flawed resulting in comma malfunction.

Entering sweary self pity mode.

[Thumbwitch]

General system malfunction here - ROM mostly wiped.