to warn you all to take out the extended warranty on your child?

[entropygirl]

I didn't as I didn't think it was good value for money at the time and now I am stuck with a faulty child!

A, by no means comprehensive, list of the faults includes:

The emission of stinking substances of various consistencies and colours; no understandable speech but instead the child has started emitting high pitch yells for no apparent reason; a total lack of musical ability; a tendency to use noodles as a weapon of mass destruction; a faulty sleep mode which fails intermittently throughout the day and night; and some sort of failure in the mobility function which causes falling and bumping.

I suppose as I have only had the product (of conception) for 10 months I may be able to get a refund under the manufacturers guarantee instead?

My original model is now 9 years old. Whilst it can now be taken out side and function perfectly it has a tendency to emit a large amount of byproduct as it is functioning. Mostly random pieces of Lego and small screws

As for the second one the Manufacturer blames me for not following instructions properly. Tab A should not have been inserted into Tab C at all - hence the delivery of a surprising and unexpected model.

Tab C has now been remodelled and upgraded with a small copper coil which has made all the difference.

100years not without the model emitting a high pitched screeching noise until it is put back in place, no.

entrpygirl make sure you don't download shapeshifter.com to your model's apps by mistake (You know how those Hairy Trucker Hands can be a bit clumsy on a keyboard)

Check the episode of Torchwood where the Mother of the Bride (Nerys Hughes) is overtaken by a nasty grey, yellow eyed shapeshifter.

Eeek.

I have an eight year old model. It seems to have difficulty in completing the homework app; an extremely loud audio error message appears whenever this task is set. Kind of a huffing, puffing noise? Can anyone assist?

Can anyone advise me on the "Off" setting for my 2008 model please? I repeatedly press the "off" switch and nothing happens....it keeps on making these whirring and whining noises.

I am worried as if it won't turn off EVER then it's internal mechanism may go kerplunk.

I have tried unplugging it at the mains but that made is emit a high pitched shrieking noise.

My 13 month old unit has a flaw in its tissue detection, and commonly mistakes my trousers, just above the knee, as the best place for removal of nasal emissions. The giggle mode is good, though.

MrsShitty, I have a similar noise issue with my 2008 model: I think it is a design flaw that needs fixing. It seems to abate when integrated with the CBeebies matrix.

Some time ago (I may have been drunk. It was late at night, anyway), I seem to have inadvertently ordered a second unit, due to be delivered in 5 weeks from now (although dates may vary and I have no tracking number, grr). Unfortunately, I cannot remember the start up sequence and seem to have lost all but the Miriam Stoppard version of the instruction manual.

I seem to remember that delivery from this company can be a bit of a hassle and have decided to take time off work to wait in for it, unless I end up needing to go and pick it up from the depot as happened last time.

Any tips for charging up/maintaining this newer model? I cannot remember if the OS has been upgraded in the last 3.5 years and if protocols for startup have been altered.

edam I found the homework app (for my 12 yo Blue Model) is enhanced when the homework-well it's only the maths- is presented online. Blue can communicate with Windows XP far easier than he can with his own mother . It's like his X-Box, needs to plug in to recharge on a daily basis..

No OFF switch on my 1999 model. I think they were getting rid of some old stock (got mine in Dec '99) before the Millenium.

Re the tissue detection flaw.
They soon allocate a discreet area of fabric covering-sleeve in blue's case- to deal with fluid overspills.

I tried to take mine back and get a refund, but Woollies went bust.

edam - Try carrot and stick approach? Am into home remedies made with stuff you find lying around, eg carrots. But I think the online approach can also be very successful - get them to do homework on the computer.

hmm yes I do wonder how the Y2K bug has affected models....

I have a Dec 99 model too. Mine is regularly stuck in 'buffering' mode. Usually when in bed or on the sofa. It is also missing the tomtom function.

thanks for the advice. My Jul 03 model does seem to interact well with 'mymaths.com'. Sadly the other solution results in the error message 'I hate carrots'. Other common functions include ability to switch TV channels to CBBC on iPlayer even when I want to watch a different programme.

Another issue: the bedtime mode. Model responds with a variety of delaying tactics including 'oh, I just need to finish...' Playing with cat mode seems to crop up frequently here, as does the audio message 'I've left my favourite sword/teddy downstairs and I need it before I can go to sleep.' If other tactics fail, model announces 'I need a wee' even when an opportunity to use this function has already been presented.

I nominated this tread for classics. It's still in AIBU! I think HQ is being UR! This is the funniest thing I've read in years!

I've nominated it too!

And that revolting poo thread made classics, this is much better!

@Anniegetyourgun

CLASSICS OR BUST

CLASSICS

Mine is a blue model, to be truthful was not too faulty, as it got older did tho get dirtier and smellier.

Repeatedly broke its self when teamed with a oval ball.

BUT when it interacted with a pink model, improved greatly, until

IT REPLICATED ITSELF!

Now I just hand over the handbook

woop woop thanks mnhq!!!

The older model's self-cleaning function is not working. We cleaned it manually for the first 5/6 years. The self-cleaning function worked for the next 5/6 years. Now it has failed utterly. We tried all the buttons. Still not working.

The model is too unwieldy for manual cleaning now. Do you have any suggestions? Would a hose work?

I've Ben tempted to take the steam cleaner to my blue model.
I have discovered that most units are actually self cleaning!
Just strip the unit down and switch to night mode, then in the Mormon when you reactivate, they are clean!!

Hope, no nothing will work under force, best left to fester in a dark room until further notice.

saggy
Your unit has a re-baptising function? Maybe you could hack it that the baptism function performs the self-clean operation?

DOH! morning not mormon!

My 2008 model has recently initiated self cleaning but is having issues with its output sensors. Failure to issue a prompt alarm every hour results in leakage of coolant fluid and solid matter. Is there an upgrade for the 2008 model now or do we have to wait for it to be released?