to warn you all to take out the extended warranty on your child?

[entropygirl]

I didn't as I didn't think it was good value for money at the time and now I am stuck with a faulty child!

A, by no means comprehensive, list of the faults includes:

The emission of stinking substances of various consistencies and colours; no understandable speech but instead the child has started emitting high pitch yells for no apparent reason; a total lack of musical ability; a tendency to use noodles as a weapon of mass destruction; a faulty sleep mode which fails intermittently throughout the day and night; and some sort of failure in the mobility function which causes falling and bumping.

I suppose as I have only had the product (of conception) for 10 months I may be able to get a refund under the manufacturers guarantee instead?

Interesting that the Y2K bug has been spotted earlier. My Y2K model has two gremlins. The first is related to battery life. It requires frequent recharging. Too frequent, and usually with chocolate. The second issue relates to spillage. The rotor arm frequently knocks jugs of water over. We have sealed the dining room floor and table, but the number of broken jugs is now into double figures.

Sadly, the extended warranty period (which we did of course invest in) is over. There have been multiple attempts at repair. However, I've established that there is a trading resource, which I know will interest many of you, here: www.faultychildexchange.co.uk/

I have had my two models, one pink, one blue, for ages and I do think they have a self-repair and auto-develop property. They started off a bit rubbish, to be honest, but as I have had them for nearly twenty years, they seem to be improving.

Some of the rough edges have been knocked off, the compassion function seems to have started up, the user-interface is not required so often as in the early days and the independence mode is now fully activated.

I still covet brand new models though.

I have just ordered a model for early november. Colour unknown. I am waiting for confirmation that the build is on time and to plan. I have noticed that my own technology has started to malfunction particularly the sleep app and breasts app (which seem to have increased in volume).

I am starting to worry about how to avoid technical malfunctions, and have heard that the technical manual is now out of print. Can anyone help?

Apparently the user-model interface is especially powerful in the first few months and can safely be deployed in the absence of a manual.

Congratulations

I'm just pissed of because apparently a birth certificate isn't a receipt

you wait till they are 16 start mumbling incoherently and slamming doors for no discern-able reason...... at least you will get the cute middle years where they hand out hugs, don't smell of BO and are generally happy and loving to look forward to for me the war is over and some greasy smelly thing has taken up permanent residence where once there was a cute baby boy.

I have tried repeatedly to get a refund but I am told that this is extremely painful and its better to just wait it out.......doctors what do they know!!!

hand out hugs??? did you see my thread today? The number one fault with my model is it hates hugging and never ever wants to snuggle with me.....

My first (pink) model has this defect, but the second (blue) model doesn't. Is this an upgrade? Or a difference between pink and blue models?

I got 2 of the 2008 model - buy one, get one free. They told me they were identical in function but they have worked totally different from each other the moment we took them home. I took them back but they told my the birth certificate is only a proof of ownership and not a receipt at all.

Now, 4 years on, one of them acts like a much older model and decides not to respond regardless of any buttons pushed, the other launches into self-destruct mode when any of said buttons are pushed, trying to pound her own motherboard against the kitchen floor.

I have since learnt that the manufacturer is dodgy though, so no way I'm purchasing any more. I'm just going to have to learn how to re-programme the ones I already have.

I didn't even order one from the manufacturer, unfortunately there was a glitch with the ordering system, almost certainly caused by ScrumpyJack2.0 round about the time England progressed to the quarterfinals of the World Cup in 1998, and by the time I discovered the unit was on its way it was too late to do anything about it. And when it arrived they sent a duplicate order 11 minutes later, which insisted on coming out feet first.

I have always found it very difficult to affix accessories sufficiently securely to my 2003 pink model. It jettisons them regularly and unexpectedly and its memory bank rarely holds any record of where and when this has happened. I am getting bored of purchasing identical accessories as replacements. I don't really want to tie them on with string or stick them on with duct tape (the manufacturer's useless suggestions) as that would detract from the outward appearance of the unit. Any ideas how I might resolve this issue?
I am also finding that certain instructions have to be input several times before the unit recognises them. Do you think I am keying them in wrong?

fussbucket good grief! That is why I never buy online...

My 2009 blue model seems to have its communication stuck on No! I've tried to fix it, and its now stuck on Why? I didn't have this problem with my pink 2004 model.

I'm still queuing patiently outside the shop for mine. I did have one on order, but there was a problem with production/despatch, so I am going to try re-ordering and hope that works.

oh dear lady I am sorry to hear that. I had a few dispatch errors before mine finally arrived too. Fingers crossed for you!

When I was just a month shy of eighteen, in 1974 and had my first child, no-one told me that my life would become a constant round of hideously-swollen breasts and disturbed nights - that carried on till my son was seven!

No-one told me that he would become a very disturbed teenager - who'd steal from me and from his elderly Nan without a twinge of conscience......

Children don't come with a warranty. If their wiring is faulty, you just have to cope with it, best you can - because you sure as HELL can't send it back!

And when one is in the lowest of the low of social and financial classes, one has NO resources on which to fall back.

So, while all you, 'Yummy Mummies,' are fretting over your planned babies, worried about which schools they'll get into, spare a thought for those of us who didn't plan to be mothers and who have had a constant struggle to raise our children.

We aren't all junkies, living in sink estates. We didn't have a choice as to where our children went to school; we sent them to the local comprehensive and hoped for the best......

lady I hope the re-order is on a high priority.

Meg, sorry you have missed the point of this thread and I don't think anyone so far has called other people junkies etc.

I was going to come in here and talk about my latest wiring malfunction but not sure I should now.

Meg Yeah how dare people complain while other people have it worse....oh wait....there are people who have it even worse than you! So why don't you follow your own advice?

My mid-90's models (one pink, one blue) have provided me with endless entertainment and once the early malfunctions were dealt with (sleep - dysfunction malware and not-eating-that virus to name but two) relatively pleasant to live with. Pink 97 has recently uploaded the 'OllyMursobsession' app and the 'OMG -it'slikethisright' mode still causes some irritation, but overall as long as provided with regular supplies of nail varnish and shoes behaves well. Blue 95 seems to have had the height restriction program removed at some point and needs regular replenishing of footwear and trousers; also consumes vast amounts of cereal and milk at strange hours of the day and night...but both models have passed through the grunting stage and are quite receptive to their manufacturers (as long as they do not attempt in any way to upgrade their own software, especially in the clothes or music department)

(Seems Meg may have had the humour-bypass malware installed at some point)

My pink '98 model now has the "tea making" app installed, which is excellent.

My 2001 pink model is still very being temperamental, liable to whining and leaking water out of it's eye sockets if it's operating conditions aren't exactly to it's liking.

Unfortunately the manual says this is due to a down load error on the transition to teenager program.

It further states this may take 7 years to improve as the teen program is notoriously unstable.

My September 2011 model has started imitating pterodactyls, its not something she's ever had contact with so I've no idea where she got it from.

I think the whole teen software package is only in beta testing....

They have 12 years to fix it before my model implodes.....

Perhaps as a pre 1960 model, Meg hasn't had the humour model installed or only in a very simple ms-dos format?

As a Pre 1960 model, she is probably still typing out the programme lines for a sense of humour.
It takes hours of input to even change the screen colour, let alone display a smiley face!
Either that or her programme cassette upload has crashed!

Meg I'd just stick to 'PONG' if I was you!