to warn you all to take out the extended warranty on your child?

[entropygirl]

I didn't as I didn't think it was good value for money at the time and now I am stuck with a faulty child!

A, by no means comprehensive, list of the faults includes:

The emission of stinking substances of various consistencies and colours; no understandable speech but instead the child has started emitting high pitch yells for no apparent reason; a total lack of musical ability; a tendency to use noodles as a weapon of mass destruction; a faulty sleep mode which fails intermittently throughout the day and night; and some sort of failure in the mobility function which causes falling and bumping.

I suppose as I have only had the product (of conception) for 10 months I may be able to get a refund under the manufacturers guarantee instead?

I have several issues with my blue model, albeit it is 14 years old.

My instruction manual too, was rather tatty, and didn't cover several eventualities which have arisen over the last 14 years. Several viruses have emerged leading to much technical input, and occasionally, pieces of hardware have broken - although these have been amenable to repair.

The sleep mode seems to be faulty - Although it took some fine tuning in the early years, we enjoyed several years of good functioning - alas, the timer appears to have reset itself, and now it seems very disinclined to work in the mornings, yet finds itself difficult to shut down at night.

Moreover, the sound system has a malfunction. Previously, although the volume seemed to be set rather high, our tolerance grew, and we installed volcabulary software, to a rather high specification - perhaps it's due to wear and tear after 14 years? - but how does this account for the low pitched grunt which emerges, when any form of output is required? Perhaps there is a loose wiring connection - this would explain the occasional burst of high quality polysyllabalic output when least expected.

We take it in five days a week for modification and addition of extended software at least 30 weeks a year. This has been marginally successful, although sometimes it is returned to us later than planned due to a problem with its home based learning output - this leads to emissions of further low pitched gruntings and some shut-down. However it performs well in certain areas, and when checks as to its functioning in various aspects such as science have been undertaken, it has achieved A* ratings.

We also have a 9 year old model - again a blue version - sometimes both gadgets interact - and sometimes, it leads to high pitched screeching, and a fuse blows, which can be rather disconcerting. One would naturally assume that both models would be compatible, and am rather disappointed to say that this is not always the case.

However, it is compatible with various other elements of the internet, such as facebook.

In comparison with other users of identical models of a similar age, we feel that our model is satisfactory given its age - we have no wish to return it, as we have both grown rather attached to it - despite its eccentricities.

Recently, it appears to be interacting with a 'pink' version of a similar age, which is interfering with its sleep mode - any thoughts on how to manage this would be much appreciated..

yours etc.. Bewildered

I can offer a buy 1 and get 2 free on my 3 teenage ds's - any takers?

Fed-up - I already have that model - but thanks for asking!

When my blue model starts interacting with pink models will it's self cleansing cycle be initiated?

At the moment I have to give it one of those Dip'n'Strip style baths that they use for pine doors.

I have 2 models, the second model had some adjustments made but still seems to be faulty.

1. sleep/feed modes adjusted from 13-18 feeds per day(model 1) to the regulation 6 feeds per day. however, model one seemed to readjust itself after 2 years and has a 10 hour sleep function that reminds owner to put it to bed. model 2's sleep function has now broken and it reuquires a constant presence of owner to induce sleep.

2 feed function. model one had weak feeding function. dials twiddled for model 2, unfortunately a little too far causing severe bruising to owner. afte prolonged feeding this model seems to be overly familiar with owners feeding attachments and on occasions asks to see/use them. (a warning to extended breastfeeders... too long and they remember)

1. movement funtion is too flexible on model one leading to balance problems and difficulty with movement. a little too much adjustment leads to model 2 regularly being found running up and down the windowsill, on top of furniture and playground equipment designed for models at least 3 years older.

model 2 has a faulty volume control and impulse control. its supports occasionally collapse causing it to dangle from its straps/owners arm. this fault is usually preceded and accompanied by loud wailing noises and is often exacerbated by close proximity to model one's training institute or vehicular traffic temporarily stationary awaiting pedestrians to cross.

model 2 has a vastly improved thowing function, unfortunately tends to throw anything that is not buttoned onto its person. wellies, shoes, socks, gloves, hats, toys

model 2 seems to require 3 minutes in solitary confinement on a regular basis, and usually signals this need by trying to disable model one with it's teeth, fists, feet or whole body. model one has an exraordinaily loud alarm function.

model one has a well developed speech function. the pause button seems to work for a few seconds but the mute button is missing. model 2's speech function was adjusted and resulted in less speech but much more high pitched wailing.

despite all the faults, I have become used to the quirks and do not fancy the hassle of sending the models back to their maker, and have to actively prevent them from trying to despatch themselves by various means. Also, I have lost the receipt and the original packaging is not what it was.

70 - Yes this does appear to be so - my blue model initiated using deodorant as a 'quick fix shower in a can' but now full self cleansing operations begin at 7am without manual prompting! :o

Luckily there was no 2 for 1 offers when I had mine

Yes 70, when pink models are introduced, self cleaning mode is definitely initiated. However, this only applies to the blue model himself and not surrounding areas where further intensive training is still required!

CLASSICS OR BUST

Please note that if the pink model that your blue model has initiated its pairing sequence with, can not or will not complete the pairing sequence, then the self cleanse system will disable itself. In extreme cases, the self cleanse system will short circuit causing the BO shortcut to no longer work. If water is forcibly introduced to the unit then total shutdown will ensue.

Looking forward to blue model doing more self maintainence.At the moment it needs some sort of surgery to remove the undercarriage protectors.

Bit worried about my currant pink model- the spares seem to be getting very expensive now that she's nearing her 10 year service.

You know those things you buy to protect the weird shapes bits on the end of the long things (between the floor and the bum part)?
Pink model decided something from Shoefare was not for her, it had to be a pair of Pineapple Dance Studio.
I think they are all developing the same fault at this age. The pink models are all sporting the same protective casings.

To force restart in the case of total shut down following a failed paring sequence, another pink model must be brought within range of the blue model. This is most successfully done via other blue models that have previously networked successfully with your blue model. Under no circumstances attempt to introduce the pink model yourself as this will cause OMG.3 or "Total Embarrassment" and will make the problem much worse.

Warning to all pink model owners.

there is currently a virus called "Pauls Boutique" that is installing itself into many models. It cannot be uninstalled but can be made less dangerous by a total refusal to install its "essential" accessories. Do not install any of the accessories you are informed your model needs, it will make the virus much worse and will enable it to spread to other models.

X-post with 70isa. Sadly it seems that there are many such viruses around :(

I'm hoping that various pink models that magnetically attatch themselves to my own pink model will have an over powering attraction to blue model.
Then at least I know something of their service history and previous owners.
Ditto for pink model and blue models attatchments.

Can you get them on Sale or Return or is it Caveat Emptor (sp)

70isa Sadly ime with manufacturers (one of whom is now out of business) its a case of "you bought it, you live with it". After sales service is shocking, hence why I trained as an engineer.

Yes, I have found the blue models' replacement spares to be quite price prohibitive. Seems top of the range Nike are the only spares that fit properly.

Saying that, once blue model is responsible for maintaining all replacement spares, cheaper items will suffice!

Thankfully pink model is User Incompatible with Pauls Boutique.

But I have a feeling this will be over-ridden by an application of Birthday Money.

Logistically though Bogey -if the model was returned to manufactuer it would be much easier to for me to retract my half than DH to recall his half.

On the understanding that his initial 5ml of catalyst is now a 156cm specimum. Compare to my 8lb 8.5oz that rolled out of my production chamber.

That would make his eyes sting

The Birthday Money app can be problematic, but I recommend you install the Because I Said So app to counteract it. Not only can it be used to prevent the worst excesses of the BM app, but also against the But Everyone Elses Parents Let Them app, the OMG You Are So Unfair app and the I Hate You download.

Another useful app is the Street Talk/I Am Going To Get One For Myself. It immediately disables all unwanted apps and downloads in the unit, whether pink or blue.

Worth it for the laugh though 70 :o

'Because I said so' app was installed many years ago however, very interested in the 'street talk/am going to get one for myself' app. Does it come with a guarantee Bogey?

Yes. It activates whenever your unit announces its intention to download an app or accessory that the you feel would not be compatible with that unit. It latches onto the app or accessory and communicates to your unit that you are so impressed with the app or accessory that you will be downloading it yourself. At this point the iwantit software crashes and immediately deletes the app or accessory from your units shopping basket.

On the very rare occasion that the software doesnt crash then Street Talk/I Am Going To Get One For Myself instigates the "Why dont we wear them together" protocol, and success is guaranteed.

Street Talk will activate whenever your unit has attempted to upload Smart Mouth, and insitgates TotallySickInnit.5 resulting in OMG.10.1

My blue model expells a small amount of air (sighs not farts) and makes a repeated clicking sound when I ask it for any input like "Help me cut and paste this picture"

It then proffers the theory that I should not be allowed out on my own.

This usually ends up with blue model making a jerky movement out of the way of my Hairy Trucker Hands and emitting a noise akin to a magpie. (Gawd knows what that app is? )

Beware of interface issues between your own system and the children's. Give them too much freedom, and they will remove and devour all cookies from your kitchen system, and inadequate password security can result in some large bills from ITunes, App Store and EBay.