As the name suggests, I am sadly (but not that sadly) doing a shiney penguin....

[sadlydoingshineypenguins]

Quick potted history. With boyfriend 9 months. Not that serious but we had had the exclusive talk. Met on a dating site.

About a month ago had a feeling something wasn't right. Few nights he was supposed to be here and cancelled for dopey reasons that set my spidey sense tingling.

Looked on the dating site and lo and beholdy there is was, active, having logged in in the last 24 hours.

But I am not as stupid as he thinks I am.

I set up a profile called thisblokeliesandcheats (it's been taken down) with all his details except photo and spelled out what he'd done (thanks whoever that was who suggested that one) and I will probably do it again

At this point he's said he's coming here Thursday night to stop for the weekend (he doesn't work Friday)

BUT he has also arranged to meet "Anna" off the dating site at a lovely new restaurant for lunch on the Friday about an hour away from here (half an hour from his house)

Obviously, I am Anna.

So, how long do I keep this going. My teeth are itching I want to tell him so much

Am also a little upset, but I had nothing invested in the relationship, so my pride has taken a hit and I feel a bit of a mug but other than that am grand.

BTW regular, not a troll etc etc

Nonononono. Get rid. Forget it. Move on. You'll look back and regret it. Honestly.

He hasn't met my kids or anything (thank fuck) btw

musttidyup - so I just don't turn up on Friday (or rather Anna doesn't turn up)?

Can you happen to be having lunch at the same place with a friend when he walks in to wait for 'Anna' and watch him squirm?

I did this once. Found out my oh was on a dating site so I created a fake profile and I didn't even have to contact him, the idiot contacted me within hours of the profile being live.

We talked for a while and in that time he slagged me off something rotten, said his "ex" (we were still supposedly happy together) was boring and had let herself go and was a bit of a slapper (I wasn't!). He said he'd been unhappy for years before he left me (remember we were still living together at this point) and that he'd regretted having children with me as he felt trapped.
I was gutted and so hurt it was hard to act normal in front of him to keep this silly game up. We arranged to "meet" one Friday evening. To me he told me he was going for a few drinks with his friends. This was the fun part as I kept saying I wanted to go with him, its amazing how many excuses they can think up on the spot.
Eventually he went. I did intend to turn up as the date but I chickened out and "stood him up". He arrived home an hour later in a foul mood. I asked him what was up and he just said he was tired. When I eventually broke it to him that I was "Olivia" he pretended he knew all the time it was me and that he was saying those things to me to pay me back for trying to set him up.

Yeah right

Anna won't put a photo on the site in case she attracts weirdos.

Anna won't give out her mobile number until the end of a first date so that it's easier for her to walk away without getting hassled (he spewed his almost immediately)

Anna looks exactly like me same height and build but is a total and utter bimbo airhead. "knows how to treat a man" and can't spell for toffee (which again makes my teeth itch)

Shuttupanddrive am torn between turning up with my mate, not turning up at all, or turning up and being Anna

Brightskye - that's what he did, contacted me within a couple of hours. At least I've no kids with him that's awful for you

Yes. Perfect!

When he gets to you on Thursday start talking about a lovely restaurant you've found for Friday lunchtime and see him squirm.

If he's planning to stay for the weekend from Thursday then surely he'd be expecting to stay overnight which you won't want so how can you carry on the pretence for Friday?

I actually bought a £10 mobile from Tesco and gave him that number. It was almost funny watching him sneak off into the bathroom unknowingly texting the person sat in his own living room

I'm short fat and ugly! How's about I go and meet
Him?! I could really ham it up and scare the living Bejeezus out of him!

I don't know what he intends to do for Friday lunchtime - he's arranged to meet Anna at 1 so he would need to be away from here by 12

I actually can't even be annoyed to waste the tenner on a cheap mobile

Saggy I am sure you're not

Oh the joy of the fake profile! So glad others do it, hope men get really nervous of it. 'Jessica the nurse' was soooooo much fun. He was utterly gob smacked when i knew all the details of conversations with Jessica, he still couldnt believe it was me.
My advice to anyone is never do internet dating, just get busy with a social life, meet normal people in normal situations.
Online Dating is a hell hole.

I will never ever do online dating again.

Before I met him there was a succession of first dates with total and utter losers

sadly....will you do the set up like shiney and tiger?

posh....tell us more

mumpotnoodle - that's what I can't decide. Am very tempted to tell him that I'm going to lunch with a friend on Friday and then just turn up as myself and dump him (with accompanying drink over the head) in the restaurant

posh - spill woman!

Cunning Plan definitely needed here, you need to put him off on Thursday night so you can catch him out on Friday without having to see him and act normal first

That is true. Am struggling to act normal over the phone. I have an inane urge to giggle when he tells me how much he's looking forward to the weekend

Get one of us to meet him for lunch as Anna, pass him a note signed by you telling him he's been mumsnetted!!

How about suggesting a bit of outdoor action? Take his clothes off, tie him to a tree and leave him there?

LOL both of those are excellent suggestions

Outdoor action, tie him to a tree, leave him there and shove a note in his mouth that says "you've just been mumsnetted"

Why dont you just cancel thursday and move on?

I nearly did that last night Quint I nearly just said "forget it you liar I know you're messing me around so fuck off"

I'll meet him for lunch. I'm really, really pregnant. That'll freak him out. Especially when I insist it's his.

You don't know a hefty bloke who would be prepared to go in looking dishevelled, plonk himself opposite him with the greeting: "Hi, I'm Anna, hope you like it rough" do you?