As the name suggests, I am sadly (but not that sadly) doing a shiney penguin....

[sadlydoingshineypenguins]

Quick potted history. With boyfriend 9 months. Not that serious but we had had the exclusive talk. Met on a dating site.

About a month ago had a feeling something wasn't right. Few nights he was supposed to be here and cancelled for dopey reasons that set my spidey sense tingling.

Looked on the dating site and lo and beholdy there is was, active, having logged in in the last 24 hours.

But I am not as stupid as he thinks I am.

I set up a profile called thisblokeliesandcheats (it's been taken down) with all his details except photo and spelled out what he'd done (thanks whoever that was who suggested that one) and I will probably do it again

At this point he's said he's coming here Thursday night to stop for the weekend (he doesn't work Friday)

BUT he has also arranged to meet "Anna" off the dating site at a lovely new restaurant for lunch on the Friday about an hour away from here (half an hour from his house)

Obviously, I am Anna.

So, how long do I keep this going. My teeth are itching I want to tell him so much

Am also a little upset, but I had nothing invested in the relationship, so my pride has taken a hit and I feel a bit of a mug but other than that am grand.

Yes! All turn up shouting, 'I'm Anna!'
'No, I'm Anna and so's my wife!'

That would be fecking genius. The entire pub having a Spartacus moment.

I love the idea of the tattooed man in drag being your mum!

I love you all. you have made me laugh and smile when I was feeling a little bit down. Thank you. Seriously.

God, what a bellend! I think you need to do the 'Double Dump' but position yourself near the restaurant with a mate so you can have the pleasure of his seeing his stupid bellend face when he realise that, not only has Anna stood him up, but you've dumped him too.

DO IT

I'm Anna! and so are all my kids!

his stupid bellend face

nearly choked on my coffee then :o

That's the best idea yet! We will all be Anna! Then he can pick which one of us he wants to tip his drink over his head!
That would make a real YouTube moment!

Don't tip the drink.
Dump him by text shortly after whoever you get to play Anna tells him that he is an utter tosser.
Don't let on that you know he's done this, btw - his confusion over you dumping him for no apparent reason, coupled with "Anna" dumping him at the same time, should knock his confidence for 6 for a while.

Like an Anna flashmob!

Genius

Glad to have made you smile - but I just came back to say, on a more serious note, that am sorry he has turned out to be such a total and utter knobber .... you deserve so much better and I hope you find a good 'un soon.

Excellent. Then, in the stunned silence, someone can stand up and shout "Anna? Anna? Who the fuck is Anna?". Cue a dance-off, quick chorus of "You're a knob and you know you are" to Bellend Boy and we all troop out.

Sorry you're entangled with a nobber, sadly.

I love the Anna flashmob idea. I think Anna should say she'll be wearing a stripy top and has a brown handbag (or similarly easy-to-find garb). The Annas should arrive first so when he arrives, the room is full of possible candidates in stripy tops with brown handbags, all innocently texting/reading magazines/Tolstoy. Including you. Then wait and see what he does.

You have all made me laugh so much.

Love the Anna matching flash mob. Anna anna who the fuck is anna (to the tune of who the fuck is alice). genuis .

Oh please can we do the Anna stripy top brown bag flashmob? Pleeeeeeeeeease? :o

Every Anna should have a couple of toddlers in tow, so you can enjoy seeing his panicked face scanning the room...

just marking my place.

sorry you've had to find out what a twat he is like this.
but it's better in the long run.

I like everyon'e suggestions so far, but my favourite is the straight forward sendign a friend in with loads of kids and then dumping him. (without the drink tipping - waste of drink)

OMG it would be like the end of The Thomas Crown Affair.

Can you get a friend to meet him as Anna and be really crazy
Talk about everything you know he hates
Get her to accidentally spill a dark drink all over hin, laugh like a donkey, etc
Then
You come in and Anna calls you over as she's your friend. Get Anba to introduce her hot new Internet date

Blah. Go dramatic or go home.

sadly - make sure that what ever you decide to do, he doesn't know it's from you.

He may well post something on the dating site? Your personal details or the like to get you back. Better to be safe than sorry. (Sorry to be all motherly over you)

Besides, I find a swift kick to the cock works wonders with bellended wank stains like him.

I'm sorry that you're in this situation too btw, not nice x

I also like Dolly's idea. The bonkers friend with all the insider info.

And then a kick to the cock?

She could be REALLY into bondage couldn't she
Talk about whips and chains and pain thresholds

Swift kick in the balls is another good suggestion.

Am feeling a bit meh - fuckingwankerbastardcock