First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

Thanks for asking @sadtoday21 I’m doing much better after yesterday’s wobble at EPU, the nurse showed me the print out that said negative in big letters and it’s definitely helped me feel a bit of closure. I had a good run which helps me clear my head and ran a personal best (I’m crap at running so this is great for me!) and DH was super nice to me all evening so ended on a positive note.

I’m not sure where I am cycle-wise but I’m 90% sure I’m ovulating or just about to as I had pains Sunday night/Monday and what I think is ewcm (although it’s hard to tell mixed in with the never ending brown blood, sorry tmi!). My skin and hair have gone back to their lovely greasy selves

@LMLP91 I’m sorry that must be so tough working in those surroundings, sorry you’ve had a rough few days. Good luck for the next cycle x

Thanks ladies, it means a lot. I’ll be okay, just need some time off and a break away from it all I think. Going to try and book a nice getaway with DP so we can unwind and de-stress. So pleased to see the back of AF now too! Xx

@sadtoday21 - have a look at the link below:

www.fertilityfriend.com/Faqs/Open-circles-on-chart.html

Might be that the temp timings are out on the app. There should be a time that you can enter manually at each day. @SARmum14 is correct. My first two cycles I think I had delayed O, this third cycle I O'd earlier. Not sure which is right though as I didn't temp it use OPK's before conceiving the last time. You asked about the period of time between O and AF (luteal phase) this tends to be the constant in each cycle. I only found out the duration of my LP by BBT'ing and it was 11 days (so quite close to being on the low side!). The average LP is 14 days xx

Sorry you have had a tough couple of days @LMLP91 - it's gotta be tough. But pleased that AF is almost finished. Have you found this AF hard? Mine was fairly normal, but have heard it can be quite painful or different to tour usual type of AF xx

@SARmum14 I got my O and BFN on the same day. Great news you got a HPT on your OPK's xx

Thanks for asking how I'm doing. Tbh im feeling a little mixed. Trying not to get excited as I can't help but think it's all going to go wrong. I had a chat with my DH tonight, and he is of the view that we get a scan whenever we want. Which is nice! Thankfully he doesn't think I am being silly. He is a little concerned about me as he can see I am torturing myself. Seriously, I am trying to stay level headed, but it's a challenge. We have a trip to Scotland in a few weeks, when I get back I will hopefully be 7 weeks, so already I am trying to find little milestones to target to help mentally. Looking too far ahead is not possible at the minute. I keep getting waves of symptoms. I'm only 4+2 so early days for full on symptoms (at least for me). But gosh, I am knackered and my boobs are sore...also developing the heightened sense of smell, getting a dislike for the smell of onions 😘 love and hugs to all of you xx

@Amanda81 so exciting to get those symptoms again, but I can only imagine how tough the wait must be. It's so hard to distract yourself from thinking about everything. I try to focus on work, but find myself instead constantly researching things related to the mmc and ttc again. If I was pregnant again, the wait would probably be even more torturous. I think the earliest you can see anything would be about six weeks - so maybe think about doing the first scan in 2-3 weeks? I know that must seem like forever right now. Great you had a talk with DH and he is really understanding about the whole thing though. Thinking of you and hoping you find a good way to cope with the anxiety xxx.

You were right about the circles, btw, just changed them all to the proper times and none of them are open now. I O'd on day 19 the month I fell pregnant, so I guess that is a longish luteal phase, although I didn't even know what this was exactly until just recently. I was actually more curious about time between BFN and O post-mmc - it's so interesting that you O'd the same day! I regret not testing earlier now, although I did start two days after the BFN.

@SARmum14 please do let me know if you get any insight into this O question - I never thought you could O with hcg still in your system, but apparently you can! Are your temps really high like mine or lower? Wondering if they are elevated as a result of the mmc. I'm on CD33 now and, while I know it's normal after mc, it just seems like such a long cycle without much action. Are you monitoring CM as well? Fingers crossed for you this cycle!

@bananamonkey I'm so glad to hear that your day got a bit better. Is the blood still from the mmc? It's crazy how long this process can last, but I am so glad your got your BFN and it sounds like you have positive signs of O, so hopefully you will get lucky this cycle! Are you going to test for O or just see what happens? Wishing you all the best!

@sadtoday21 yes still blood from the op, I say blood it’s just brown discharge but has been persistent for about 3 weeks

I’ve done a couple of OPKs that have come up positive but not been testing every day. I’m going with “let’s see what happens” this month because I know TTC can be bad for my mental health if I start to get too obsessive and I’ve been through enough these past couple of months!

Hi everyone, mind if I join you? I know you are all in different stages in your journey. I have just begun mine, after a scan on Monday (as a result of spotting) showed an empty gestational sac at 7 + 5. Have spent a lot of time crying over the last few days but feel a little bit better today. I have a follow up scan booked but not until next Weds. and am anxiously awaiting a call from the EPU I attended to see if I can switch to another one (hopefully with better care) for my follow up.

Today I am feeling quite crampy - torn between wanting it to just come on naturally and wanting it to hold off so I can get the surgical procedure. I am not keen on the uncertainty involved with trying to manage it at home.

Good to see that many of you are in better places at this point in time after going through such a loss.

Hi @sadtoday21 - it’s so confusing isn’t it. But like @amanda81 I got my positive OPK the day I got my BFN. I’m new to using OPKs as only ever temped before MMC. Today the line on the OPK isn’t as strong as the control line. Does that mean O has already happened?

@bananamonkey - I had the brown discharge on and off for some weeks after ERPC too. I’d also started TTC and the day after DTD would often have a bit of red blood (I think maybe from irritation). I hope it passes soon.

@coconutlatte44 I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through and welcome to this thread. Everyone is incredibly lovely and I’ve learnt a lot about MMC and fertility from the lovely ladies here. I remember exactly the feeling and the not knowing what to do and the waiting - I was in your shoes about 5 weeks ago. Only you can decide what’s right for you but if you have any questions about surgery or medical management I’m sure everyone here can shed some light. I had an ERPC and then needed to take the medical management pills 3 weeks later for some retained pregnancy tissue so have done a bit of both. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through and wish you all the best.

@SARmum14 the reason I didn't use OPK's until two days after my BFN is because I read that small amounts of the pregnancy hormone hcg can impact the OPK results for even weeks after. Most people say that OPKs aren't really accurate in the first cycle after an mmc. If you have EWCM with the OPK result, however, I would be more inclined to think it is actually O and not just a skewed result. If the line is lighter today, it either means O already happened or the first test was still picking up leftover pregnancy hormones. Have you noticed a spike on your BBT yet? That will tell you for sure whether you O'd.

I've ordered some more high tech OPKs today that pick up the surge four days in advance. My temp is still flat today at 36.61, so no spike for me yet to confirm O. EWCM also seems to be lighter, although not gone entirely. The days that I had a lot of it the temps were flat, so all I can think is maybe I am not ovulating this month despite fertile CM :/. I guess only time will tell - I feel really crampy and my boobs are a bit heavy, cannot tell if this is pre-O or pre-AF, but I guess either is fine. If only it were pre-BFP! Sigh.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you @coconutlatte44 it’s a really difficult time. Take some time to think about it as it’s a horrible shock, I can only speak to having an ERPC but it was a positive experience and I’m so glad I was able to make that choice. Happy to answer any questions, I had another thread about this if it helps

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/3504239-Missed-Miscarriage-Surgery-Experience

@bananamonkey that sounds like a wise approach, it can be really hard not to obsess over these things when we are tracking all the signs so closely. I'm going to try to relax today and think about something else. Hope your bleeding ends soon and you start feeling better. Are you going to take an HPT soon following TWW?

@coconutlatte welcome to the group and I am so so sorry for your loss. It's not a fun group to be a member of, but the ladies on this thread are really supportive and have helped me get through it. I also had my mmc almost five weeks ago - it's amazing how fast time goes and yet you still think about it so much! It both gets easier over time and it doesn't, in the sense that the pain is still there, but not as sharp. Things will get better, I promise. I had a D&C myself and they used the medical management tablets to open up the cervix just before surgery. You haven't asked for advice on your options, but if you do want any advice we are all here to help you X.

Yes I was really surprised how TTC affected me mentally the first time around and it took nearly 7 months, it was a really crappy time and the thoughts took over my life. (I’ve only just realised this thread is for first time pregnancies, sorry! 🙈 Hope you don’t mind me sticking around as I’ve found it so helpful). This time it only took 4 months but obviously ended pretty badly. I probably will test in about 2 weeks as my cycles were around 4 weeks this time coming off the pill and I won’t be able to help myself (last time they 8 weeks long!).

Thanks so much for your kind words.
I think I have made my mind up re options - I unfortunately don't have my follow up scan booked until next Wednesday so if it happens before then, I just go with that, if not, I will ask for the surgery. We have stocked up on supplies and my husband has notified his boss he may need to come home on short notice.
As I am only 8 weeks I can't face the possibility of waiting another 4+ for it to come naturally, and as an anxious person by nature I can't bring myself to go far from home with the idea "it could happen any moment" hovering over me.
The one thing I am curious about is that I have now had brown spotting and mild cramps for a week, and cramps seem to be getting a bit stronger but no significant change in blood - can't figure out if this means I am likely to go naturally soon or if this will just persist for ages. So confusing, isn't it!

@coconutlatte44 I was nearly at 13 weeks and had no sign of it coming naturally, so can take quite awhile. Personally I didn't think I was strong enough to have to wait even longer and then go the natural route, which seems quite painful (and the surgery is pretty painless and quick). I would ask the midwife about the bleeding though, this is usually a sign of impending mc, especially if you have cramps.

@bananamonkey please do stick around! It was my first pregnancy, but there are many other ladies on here that have had more than one. It's devastating no matter when it happens, I just felt particularly sad about missing the "joys" of pregnancy because of this first experience and feel the next pregnancy may be tainted by it, but I hope not.

Thanks @sadtoday21 I hope it wont be tainted, although I think there will be a lot of extra worries.

I was super lucky before, apart from a little early bleeding it was all healthy and low risk and I had a lovely water birth with no complications. I felt like this would mean I wouldn't be so lucky this time around and I was right! Although logically I know that is rubbish. It's easier for me to cope with a toddler to keep me busy and distracted, you ladies are all so brave and strong

Hi
Everyone
I had a miscarriage on November last year 14 I did D and C after then I have been seeing blood off and on .I went to see gynocogist he said I should wait and also he told me to be taking birth control pills of which I am taking but still seeing blood. I have been seeing blood 6/3/2019 until now ,doctor told me I have anemia. Am so scared what meant be wrong
I really want to have another baby for my little girl because she feels lonely but how can i when anytime I meet my husband blood always come out. Please did anyone of you experience this before?

@bananamonkey - I’m the same and felt a bit of a fraud for being here but everyone has been so kind and it’s been really healing being able to speak to women who experienced it around the same time. I know how lucky I am to have DS. This all makes me wish I hadn’t waited so long to try for a second one.

Okay. Help. I now think I’m going mad. Having had my positive OPK yesterday (as well as my BFN) I started to grow suspicious as all day today I’ve had dull, period like aches and about an hour ago started to get sore boobs so wondered if it wasn’t O but AF coming. Spoke to my DH and he admitted to being as puzzled as me - we wondered if OPK was actually picking up a low level of HCG so I just got home and did both tests and they’re both positive?!? Pregnancy test on the right, ovulation on the left. This is the Superdrug HPT and I got my BFN from a Boots own brand one. Could it be more sensitive and is therefore picking up lower levels of HCG that the Boots one didn’t? And therefore my OPK is false because it’s picking up HCG? And sore boobs and dull ache means AF? Could that be coming with HCG still in my body? I wish I came with a bloody manual! I don’t understand. Any advice appreciated.

@Queenss I’m so sorry for your loss. After my ERPC for the first few weeks everytime I DTD I had some blood the next day but not much and that all seems to have gone after the first few weeks so I’m afraid I don’t have any knowledge of what you’re going through. Welcome to the thread and perhaps someone else might be able to help.

Do you know what strength the tests are @SARmum14 ? When did you test when you got your bfn? Was it with your first wee of the day?

@amanda81 - I can’t find out what strength the Boots one was but the Superdrug one is 20/. Ive just bought a ClearBlue one but the test I did was invalid. I’m spending a bloody fortune on this miscarriage and it’s heartbreaking. All to see a negative test!!!!! I didn’t do any of the tests with first urine. Before I drove myself and DH crazy to go out and buy a thousand more tests so I can wee on them all night should I just park this and test with my second clear blue one first thing tomorrow morning for most accurate result? Feel like I’m going mad. Also I have cramps, could this be AF?

I would only ever test on fmu as this is the most concentrated. Leave it until tomorrow morning and go from there. CB's detect 50mil so even if you get a negative, you may still have a little in your system. Cramps - interesting? I hope AF is on the way for you you, but odd that you are still getting strong lines on the HPT, particularly as you are not using the most concentrated urine. Try not to drive yourself mad over this, it might even be best to hold off testing and waiting for your next appointment. Hope you are okay x

@SARmum14 that is really perplexing. Could it be a new pregnancy or is it too soon for that? Really not sure what else to make of those dark lines. I do think OPK results are impacted by hcg - this is why they are not accurate until after the BFN. Was your last BFN completely clear or was it a faint line? My BFN at three weeks still had a trace of a very faint line and I took another HPT today just to be sure and it's completely clear now. Line should be going down, not getting darker (unless it's a new pregnancy). Let us know how it goes tomorrow and hope that everything is alright!

@sadtoday21 BFN yesterday was completely clear - no hint of a line. I wondered if it could be a new pregnancy which might have been feasible except I had the misoprostol and bleeding for a day last week so I think any hope of that would have gone and it would be too soon to show up anything from this week. I watched Gossip Girl and distracted myself with paint colours on Pinterest all evening (farrow and ball is so bloody expensive) so that I didn’t test further this eve. Have left HPT by the loo for first thing tomorrow morning. Will let you all know/tear my hair out. Thanks for responding and to you too @amanda81

What's it saying today @SARmum14 ??? X

@amanda81 is faint but positive. This is so bloody annoying. So the OPKs were just picking up on HCG and entirely wrong. But I had a proper negative HPT on Tuesday and was overjoyed to move on. Bloody Boots! X