First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

Hey @sadtoday21 / what dose of EPO do you take, and do you take it twice a day, or just the once? X

Fingers crossed for O today @Catconfusion - so pleased that you have the signs!!! Fingers crossed 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Thanks @AnnaMC214 - really didn't fancy staying in over the weekend, so pleased it's over. I would certainly encourage the bbt method of tracking O. I used the fermometer for 4 cycles and I'm amazed how much there is a pattern to my cycles. Hope you get on with it xx

Hey guys, hope you are all enjoying the start of the weekend. I have to admit that I am not in a great place today, not sure if this is the pre-O blues that others have mentioned or something else. I am just feeling really negative about the blood test results next week and ttc again. With the way my luck has been lately, I am positive that the results won't be clear yet and that I will have to continue to put my life on hold. Not sure how I am going to deal with another setback.

Part of me wants to forget about the whole thing for awhile and just focus on myself. The aftermath of the mmc has had a huge impact on my self-esteem and confidence, partly because I felt like a failure for miscarrying, partly because I looked terrible as a result of the hormones, partly because I haven't been able to dtd with dh for awhile now. It's been over two months now since the mmc and I still don't have that confidence back. Some days it really gets me down and I think especially so now with the anxiety of waiting for the test results next week. I am also thinking about going on stronger antibiotics for my skin, not just the pregnancy-safe ones, but I don't want to take anything that could prevent us from ttc again. I know it sounds vain, but it's really hard for me to accept that I just have to wait months and months to be normal again. It's so tough to know what to do and I feel like the doctors don't understand or support us with the side effects of the mmc.

Sorry, just had to get that out there. I was thinking about going on a cleanse and it just made me more depressed, as I really don't feel up to it. I generally feel I am doing better since the mmc, but some days I still just want to put on my baggiest, ugliest sweatpants and hide under the covers with Netflix and a bottle of wine. Which is maybe what I am going to do right now. Sending you all hugs and hoping you are doing ok!

Well that's a tsunami of a wave that's hit you today @sadtoday21. Although I can't relate to the medical reason for holding off ttc, I (and we) all appreciate how these days of overwhelming sadness and despair can get on top of everything. I can't imagine how it must feel to have to wait for results, it's a shame that it takes so long. I have everything crossed for an absent HCg count. Sending you a massive hug 😘😘

Try to find happy in the everyday, and if that means Netflix and wine today, then so be it! Also...3 more sleeps to GOT 😀😀😀😀😀 whoop whoop xx

@sadtoday21 I'm so sorry you are feeling like this and I wish there was something I could say to make it better. What you've been through is awful and completely unfair and it's not surprising that you're finding it hard to imagine getting any good news right now. Before I had a mmc I was told how unlikely it was to happen to me but statistics mean nothing when you're on the wrong side of them. If you need to veg out at home and hide from the world a bit then that's ok. If you need to take a step back from ttc and focus on yourself for a while then that's ok too. I'm wishing you lots of luck for your test results and I know there will be brighter days ahead for you xx

Hi everyone, I haven't been following the thread for a few days but hope everyone is okay. Just a quick update on me. It's all pretty shit.
After bleeding last weekend I went for a scan on Tuesday which confirmed a small amount of retained product, so went back that evening for medical management. Had the tablets vaginally. Nothing happened. So went back yesterday for another dose, taken orally this time. Nothing has happened again. I have to go for another scan on Tuesday to confirm that the tissue is still there and if it is I have to have surgery again but with a camera or ultrasound to assist the surgeon this time. I've been given a course of antibiotics in case I start to feel unwell, but I might just take them anyway.
I'm feeling extremely low, panicky and anxious about another surgery. I'm so scared that something will go wrong or I'll get scar tissue or Asherman's and it'll affect my fertility. I can't believe this is still ongoing over two weeks later, it would've been an anxious enough time waiting for AF but that will take even longer now. They haven't tested my hcg levels and won't. I'm too scared to do another pregnancy test in case it's positive, which it probably would be. I've just had enough

I'm so sorry @Birchwoods that's an incredibly stressful situation to be in. I read quite a lot on Ashermans Syndrome before my ERPC and it seems quite rare these days. The procedure is much safer than the old d&c. That said I really hope it passes naturally so you don't have the stress of another surgery. I'm sure the EPU will make the best decision for your well being and future fertility. Keep us posted on how you're doing. We're all here to support you! Xx

Hello everyone! I haven't been around this week as well due to drama at work. I haven't seen much of what's been going on but have been thinking of you constantly.

@Birchwoods - I've had a similar experience to you. Erpc mid Feb, three weeks later still positive HPTs so back to my EPU where they scanned an confirmed a "small amount" of retained tissue. The offered me medical management which I took orally. Seemed to take an effect that night with cramps, d&v and bleeding (they said to call of bleeding didn't kick in within three days but it did, albeit for 12 hour only). They booked me on for a scan two weeks after that where they saw retained tissue and said it had an active blood supply so no point in doing medical management again and booked me in for surgery. This was a few days later and this time was an MVA which I found really difficult, physically and mentally. I too was worried about scarring, Asherman's and other damage but weighed it up against the fact that my body wasn't going to ovulate or move on until all the tissue had come out.

I remember exactly how you're feeling now and want to tell you whilst it's so cruel to go through on top of everything else, you are strong enough and it will be okay. When I had my scans I began to ask lots of questions about the size of the retained tissue, active blood supply and thickness of my lining so do ask them to tell you everything so you can be fully informed.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. If you want to talk about anything I'm here.

How's everyone else? Xx

@Birchwoods I'm so sorry you're having such a rubbish time of it and it's all been so strung out. Do you think there's any chance the second lot of tablets will start to work before the scan on Tuesday? It's natural to worry about further surgery but I was told that the complications you describe are generally down to the fact that they are working blind. The second time they'll be able to see exactly what they're doing. Try not to think on hcg levels right now as they probably wouldn't tell you much anyway. Look after yourself this weekend and I hope things start to look up for you next week with some good news. Sending hugs xx

@sadtoday21 you're doing so well to cope with the tests and the skin issues you've been having. It's completely understandable to have low days and if Netflix and wine feels right you should go for it. One day at a time and all that!

One of the most challenging aspects of ttc is having to make decisions about your own wellbeing and health around what's best for a potential baby. It sounds to me that your well being and health has to come first for now. It hopefully won't be for long but when you're feeling stronger you'll be ready for that baby to come.

It's not fair you're in this position but I know you'll get through it. In the meantime you have us to talk it out with. Take care. Be gentle with yourself and have as much relaxation during the weekend as possible. Xx

As for me, I've still not had confirmation of O despite the peak LH on Thursday. I'm hoping it's a slow riser and not anovulatory. We're both exhausted from the extra dtd so hopefully tomorrow I'll get a sign either way. Chart so far...

@sadtoday21 sorry you are feeling so down. You've been through and are still going through so much. I think the most important thing is that it feels right for you and if that means waiting a bit then you should. I was very clear that I wanted to wait until AF before even thinking about trying again as I just wasn't ready both mentally and physically. Now AF is here I'm starting to feel a bit nervous about trying again. I desperately want to try but am just worried about how I'd handle it if anything happened again... hope you have some nice plans for the weekend or can just hibernate and relax.

@Birchwoods sorry you're having to go through this and the process is dragging on even longer. I hope the medical works before your next appointment 🤞🏼

@Catconfusion sorry there's still no confirmation of O. Fingers crossed for tomorrow

Happy weekend everyone xxx

@Birchwoods I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. I know how bad it feels to have one thing on top of the other and to worry about it impacting future pregnancies. It's like the mmc that never ends. We've all been there and unfortunately it seems these complications post-mmc are fairly common, but I think it is likely to be resolved the second time around. As @SARmum14 said you are strong enough to get through it and then hopefully you will be back on the road to recovery. I also want to echo what @Amanda81 said about hcg levels and tell you that if there is anything I could tell myself two months ago when I was going through the mmc it would be this: it's going to take a really long time to recover physically and emotionally from the mmc and most people have to take at least 1-2 months or much more before they can conceive again. In the meantime, I know it's really hard, but try not to waste away the days counting for it to be over, because that just feels never-ending and very depressing. Find the best distraction you can and put down the HPTs and OPKs because it is going to be a long road back. If you can set a really fantastic goal to do something difficult and achieve it, that's awesome. If you need to just hide under the covers with wine, that's fine too. Most days it will be a bit of both. But don't beat yourself up about it and don't forget to love yourself through this process. Thinking of you xxx.

@Catconfusion I'm really sorry about the lack of confirmed O, I know that must be so hard. I can see why you are exhausted from bding! It looks like the start of a sustained rise now though, looking at your chart, so hopefully you can be in the tww soon. Everything crossed for you!

I had a large temp drop today but only CD12 and no EWCM, so will see what is happening tomorrow. Will share my chart once I have more data on it.

Thanks also @Catconfusion @AnnaMC214 @Amanda81 @3204ECL for the hugs and kind words about yesterday. I realised that I am feeling down because I see the skin issues as signaling high hcg levels - which is logical since the hcg from the partial molar is why my skin was so horrible in the first place. I thought after AF last week all the hcg would go and skin would clear and it has a bit, but not as much as I had hoped. Still counting twenty(!) smallish hormonal-looking blemishes and I fear this is a bad sign for the test results next week. I really thought it would be better now and hoped it would clear in time for my vacation in a week. I sort of see the vacation as my reentry into normal life and end of the mmc/mc, so I think I am putting a lot of pressure on myself to have everything cleared up by then. Anyway, I decided to get on the stronger antibiotics as I still can't ttc for a month, even if the results are good next week. I think I have to start making decisions for myself again whilst waiting for this molar thing to be over :/.

@Amanda81 CANNOT WAIT FOR GOT!!! yesssss! Where are you dpo now?

@AnnaMC214 how are you feeling about everything? Have you started tracking your cycle yet? Hope you are doing ok.

@sadtoday21 I think it sounds like a good decision for you to focus on getting back to yourself a bit more before anything else. I'm sure your holiday will be a great opportunity to get away from everything that's been going on recently and start afresh. I wouldn't say your skin problems necessarily mean hcg is still high. It seems to get worse overnight but balancing it again takes a lot longer.

I'm doing ok thank you. I'm really just waiting now for first af and riding out the hormones which are giving me terrible skin and headaches. When I'm not at work I'm still just hibernating at home. Hopefully my femometer will arrive soon and I can start temping but in some ways I feel hesitant to start trying again even once af arrives.

Good morning all (just). You seem a little brighter this morning @sadtoday21. I don't think you can link the reduction in HCG to your blemishes. I think your blemishes are generally related to hormones, all of them. I had them after my erpc and have has them recently after the mc. Your holiday will be a good reset and a start of a new chapter.

I'm 10dpo today, I had to check where I am, as I haven't really been counting the days, usually I would! It's been nice to have a break in all honesty. I think AF is on her way, which will be nice to get this wtf cycle out the way and start a fresh. My LP is usually 11 days, so should be here Monday.

Really hope that O is confirmed tomorrow @Catconfusion - one more temp rise and it should be confirmed. Really hope it doesn't go down, especially after all the efforts you have put in (I bet you are frazzled).

Thanks @AnnaMC214 the hormones are really awful. What are you doing for your skin? Hope your femometer comes soon and you can start temping to get an idea of where you are in the cycle.

I made the mistake of googling Meghan Markle's pregnancy and got more depressed about the mmc. She looks so glowing and happy and perfect. Definitely feel like a failure in every possible way.

I seem to remember a few of you saying you had pre-O blues after the first AF, wondering if this is a real thing and whether it has to do with hormonal changes? I really can't explain it otherwise - was feeling fine the day before yesterday and now all of the sudden I feel terrible, just like right after the mmc. I just suddenly want to cry and it all feels too much again. It's disappointing because I was starting to move on and feel much better. Hoping this will pass quickly, really wish my body would stop messing around like this...

Sorry you are having a shitty time with it all @Birchwoods - I can't really add much, but share the other ladies sentiments, take care of yourself. I think amongst we have experienced all types of MC's, operations and procedures...so if you have any questions or just need to vent, share, you know where we are. Xx

@sadtoday21 (x posts). I get gloomy before O. I get a general feeling of being lost. Xx

@sadtoday21 I don't use anything prescription for my skin just salicylic acid and retinol with varying success. I stopped using both when pregnant but then pregnancy seemed to agree with my skin anyway. Don't be too disheartened by feeling more down again. I'm sure it's just down to hormones and also having to wait for test results. And please don't compare yourself to anyone else, especially someone who's outward appearance is so micro-managed. It appears that she's very lucky and in no way is that any reflection on you. xx

Urgh, really not a fan of Meghan Markle @sadtoday21 I still think it's awful they announced their pregnancy not just on Baby Loss week but on the remembrance day when people all around the world light candles to remember their lost babies. For all we know she's having complications. The general public would never know. I hate how celebrities and royalty are portrayed as perfect. That's why I love the honestly of people like Hilaria Baldwin being so honest about miscarriage.

I'm so sorry you feel like this. The five stages of grief are not linear. Its possible to find yourself back at the beginning but it won't take you nearly as long to get to where you were before to felt low again. I know I don't have as much to deal with as you but I really dipped last week. I'm convinced the hormones made it so much worse. It was pre ovulation as well so think this is a vulnerable time. Just be gentle with yourself and ride it out however it feels best whether that be Netflix or a nice walk. I promise you'll feel better soon. You're doing so well! Xxx

Morning all, my body is still misbehaving 🤷🏻‍♀️ It's so frustrating. I feel like I'm so close yet so far. Not sure I can rely on that peak opk on Thursday night as surely would have a rise by now!

How are you all? Xx

Am a little late to weigh in but I've been feeling super depressed about Meghan and have still deleted all social media. Can't bear to see glowing celebs and their seemingly perfect pregnancies. Even social media influencers. I know it's never as glossy as it appears but it still stings too much and I can't bear it.

I'm feeling similarly in limbo @Catconfusion - it's been over two months since my first ERPC and over 2 weeks since the MVA and my temps are all over the place. I don't think I'm ever going to O again. I feel stuck and so sad and having a really blue day today.

How're you doing @Birchwoods? And how're you @sadtoday21?

Sending love to all. X