First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@SARmum14 I am so sorry this must be so bloody annoying... fingers crossed it keeps fading. Thinking of you, keep strong. X

Feel so annoyed for you @SARmum14 - it does look quite faint, but crappy that it is still positive. Just sucks! When is your next appointment?

@SARmum14 I’m sorry that sucks. Sorry if I’ve missed it but did they say anything about calling the hospital if you’re still getting positives after taking the misoprostol? I was still getting the faint positive on my tests but the testing machine they have in EPU was much more sensitive and the nurse said it was a definitive negative result. I just called up and she told me to come in anytime that day, just wondering if that might put your mind at ease.

Thanks @3204ECL and @Amanda81. No they didn’t say anything about the tests @bananamonkey - only to call them if I didn’t start bleeding within 72 hours (and I did within 12 but only for a day). I am back at EPU next Thursday for another scan so at least I have that - just really wanted this over now. We’re away this week so nowhere near my hospital or EPU so couldn’t pop in anyway. Just desperately want this over. It’s been 5 weeks now. I thought I was O spotting these last few days and now I realise it’s just my body playing tricks again. Makes me so angry and so sad at the same time.

Hi everyone, sorry to steer discussion toward myself but feeling very anxious at the moment, just got into the bath and had the worst cramps I've had so far in this process, I am worried this is going to happen today and it's the only one that my husband is quite far from home so feeling worried and alone.
The cramps have gone back to being mild but I do think my body has clocked what's going on so I feel I need to be prepared for this to happen at any point. I have everything I need next to the toilet so going to try to relax in the bath for a bit and then take it easy.
Any advice welcome.

I'm really sorry @coconutlatte44 I am unable to offer any constructive advice. I had an erpc and didnt experience a natural mc. All I would say is prepare yourself physically and mentally for a bit of a rollercoaster, but know that this is a moment in time and one that won't last 🤗

Oh @coconutlatte I’m so sorry and also sorry for hogging the thread to blather on about myself. I had an erpc and then misoprostol for retained tissue so didn’t miscarry naturally but when I took the misoprostol I did have really bad cramps and contractions as well as d and v. The things that helped me were a hot water bottle as well as ibuprofen if you can stomach it and lying curled up on the bed with easy access to the bathroom. Do you have supplies of pads and painkillers? Have you phoned your EPU? Relaxing in the bath if that’s helping sounds like a v sensible thing to do.

Not at all @SARmum14, your struggles at the moment are different but every bit as important!

The cramps have really subsided and gone back to the same mild ones they've been for the past few days, with a few occasional stronger ones, but I took the opportunity to get almost everything ready, but I forgot about the hot water bottle so I'll pull that out of the cupboard, thanks @amanda81

My EPU was useless when I went in the other day (and useless on the phone as well!) so if I need help I will just go to A&E, I am hoping it doesn't get to that point.

What a ridiculous situation to be in, sitting at home feeling like you could start bleeding dramatically at any moment. It's insane when you think about it!

@coconutlatte44 really sorry for what you are going through, it is traumatic and you shouldn't have to be alone for it. I also did not have a natural mc, but would echo the recommendations for hot water bottles, painkillers, really thick pads (the long overnight ones), and maybe some tv to distract yourself. If you can call a relative or friend to come help, that would also be a good idea. Take care of yourself and we are here if you need to talk X.

@SARmum14 I really sympathize with you about how difficult the waiting is. That test does look only faintly positive, so I would take that as a good sign and do another one tonight or tomorrow morning. I think you are right that the OPK's are off, although if the GP said you were about to O before, then it could be accurate. I just bought the advanced OPK from clearblue, the ones that give you four fertile days in advance, and the instructions said not to use for two cycles after having been pregnant. I used one anyway (of course) and no flashy smiley or smiley for me. Also no temp rise today - just steady. Giving up on ttc until next cycle I think and just hoping for AF soonest. I know I am lucky to have a BFN, but I also feel really sad and angry that my body is not ovulating. I feel like maybe it is broken :/. Five weeks tomorrow and no progress.

@Catconfusion how are you feeling today? Any new symptoms? I was going to ask you - how many days passed between your BFN and Ovusense saying you O'd? How did you know when to dtd if Ovusense only tells you afterwards?

@Amanda81 hope you are well and enjoying these early days. Any updates? How are you dealing with the long wait until the first scan?

Hugs to all on this rainy morning xxx.

Hi everyone, thought I’d check in. I’ve laid a bit low since bfp as I’ve been feeling really anxious, also very sick again. Hopefully it won’t be immobilising like last time but if it is it is. I don’t care if the outcome is good. I’m trying to relax but it’s so hard not to obsess about every little twinge.

@sadtoday21 Please don’t be hard on yourself for your body needing a bit longer. You’ve sustained such a trauma and for the best possible outcome your body needs to be ready.

Although I am very grateful for my situation. I currently am petrified I didn't give my body long enough. Have googled things like anxiety and stress causing miscarriage as I’m so worried. I know it’s silly but I think I’ve realised I’m still coming to terms with what happened. By the time you conceive you’ll be in a much better place I’m sure.

I started tuning Ovusense on the 12th Feb so 8 days after surgery. Within a week it predicted ovulation as being 4th March. My negative test was 22nd Feb and I ovulated on 3rd of March. You just have to go with the prediction of your fertile window. It was pretty accurate with mine, impressively after some high temps early on. The algorithm gets more accurate at predictions the longer you use it. X

@SARmum14 I really hope you get your bfn soon. It’s so annoying still gettting positives. Simply not fair! X

@Catconfusion I’m so sorry you are not feeling well today - is it morning sickness already? It must be really hard to feel calm about this pregnancy and I know there are no words that can reassure you right now, but try to focus on something else and just take one day at a time. Your body has done a miraculous thing by getting pregnant again so soon - it means you are ready and you can handle this.

Thanks for the information on O, I really appreciate it. Does ovusense always calculate predicted O that quickly? How does it do that? I’ve been temping for ten days now and I don’t have any predictions about my fertile window or O. Maybe ovusense is better because of the algorithm, which I assume is how you got the predictions.

@coconutlatte44 so sorry you're going through this... I was in a similar place a couple of weeks ago. I ended up having a natural miscarriage while waiting for medical management. I won't lie it was fairly horrific but you do get through it and a small part of me is glad it happened naturally as it made me feel my body was in control. If I could wind back the clock I would definitely have opted for the D&C to have it all over and done with quicker. I took paracetamol and Ibuprofen alternately every 2 hours and for the 4 hours of the main event didn't really leave the bathroom (sorry if TMI!). Hope it all goes ok and if you need any more info or support please feel free to get in touch. X

Thanks @3204ECL for your advice.
It's still holding off though the cramps are definitely worse today then they have been. Luckily my husband will be home soon and will be home tomorrow so that's my biggest fear (of it happening while alone) out of the way. I feel like I can handle it if he's here even though I still would prefer I make it through to my next doc appoint and get to choose the next step.
I don't have family around as I'm originally from the U.S. so everyone's miles away.

@coconutlatte44 that's good that your husband will be around. For me it happened overnight so luckily my husband was there. I ended up calling 111 in the middle of the night and they were quite helpful/reassuring as I was able to speak to an on call doctor so if it comes to it I'd call them before heading to A&E. The thought of leaving home wasn't a good one for me so I'm glad they recommended staying at home and sticking it out. It took hours but it did get better and after the main contractions had finished I felt much better very quickly.

Thanks for asking after me @sadtoday21

I'm doing okay, trying to take it a day at a time. I'm currently trying to ignore that I am pregnant and getting on with daily stuff. I'm quite busy with work at the moment which is keeping my mind occupied. I have a holiday a week on Sunday, which will help that week go very quickly, when I get back from the holiday I will be 7 weeks!!! Which would be amazing. I then only have another week to get the first scan. The insomnia has kicked in big time, I find myself waking up in the middle of the night and staying awake for a couple of hours before drifting back off again. Not feeling typically pregnant yet, but getting flutterings of nausea when I am hungry. Early days though yet (only 4+4).

Sorry to hear you are struggling @Catconfusion, how far along do you think you are? I was driving today and had a very little cramp and of course was instantly concerned, but the cramping feeling passed within a minute or so. It's so hard not to over analyse and get concerned. I think it is only natural and something that we will all do x

@amanda81 I think 4 weeks on Friday. I feel a lot calmer this evening. Every symptom and twinge I have DH keeps reminding me it’s how I felt early on last time which is helping. Like you I think I need to try and keep my mind more occupied. I work from home part time so lots of opportunities during the day to overthink things. I’m sure I’ll feel more settled as I get further in.

Crickey, 7 weeks after your holiday. It’s all going so quickly! X

@sadtoday21 No problem. I think it just uses it’s algorithms. It makes a prediction and that might change before or after ovulation depending on temps. My cycles vary a lot in length and ovulation day and it’s been really good so would be great if your cycle is more predictable. Definitely found it was more accurate than fertility friend. Good luck with it! X

I got a flashy smiley today!! I had completely given up on the OPKs, but then there it was. Somehow it is always like that. I've never used the advanced clearblue ones before - does anyone know how long the flashy smiley lasts before the static one? Temps are still steady so that seems to track with no O yet, but at least OPKs are now saying I am gearing up for it.

Unfortunately, I had a bit of a breakdown last night over this whole process and dh probably isn't in the mood now. I feel like I should be moving on from the mmc after five weeks, but clearly I desperately want to be pregnant again. It's funny because I was really relaxed about ttc before - just tried OPKs one time and fell, so never got super obsessed about it. I didn't really want to be a mum that badly, I just felt it was the right time. Since I lost the baby though, I hate being not pregnant. I am trying to just enjoy life and focus on other things, but find myself obsessing over tracking every sign. Poor dh isn't used to all this temping and OPKing and performing on demand - he just thinks I've become really high strung about the whole thing and taking the enjoyment out of it. Which I suppose is true, but, honestly, I am not really asking for that much. Anyone else had this problem with ttc causing a bit of friction? I know I have to track to get this to work, but how can I do it more subtly so it doesn't stress dh out?

@SARmum14 how are you doing today? I know it's also nearly five weeks for you since the ERPC and just wanted to say that I know it's really hard to wait this long and feel like you still don't have closure. How are you coping? Did you do anymore tests? Thinking of you xxx.

@Catconfusion thanks for the info. It does sound like the algorithm is more accurate and I definitely do not have regular cycles (now I am on CD36 without AF!), so could be a good option for me if all else fails. How many weeks until your booking appointment? Is the excitement of it all starting to outweigh the anxiety?

@Amanda81 hope you are going somewhere nice and sunny and warm. Vacation sounds like a great distraction right now and it's amazing to think you will already be 7 weeks when you get back. In a way, time goes both slow and fast when you are pregnant. Hope you are feeling ok and taking it easy!

@catconfusion I'm so sorry to hear about the anxiety - I completely understand where you're coming from and I know it feels rather patronising of me to say not to worry, but try not to. I genuinely believe that your body wouldn't have let you fall pregnant again if it wasn't ready - you are strong and you can do this. I've even come to think of MMC as a sign of our strength - our bodies didn't want to quit anything. From your previous posts it sounds as though you have a lovely and supportive DH - use his strength and love to get you through. And come and message us if you ever feel wobbly. This network has got me through some of the worst times and everyone here will understand some of what you're feeling.

@sadtoday21 thank you for asking. I'm not coping brilliantly if I'm honest - as you say it's nearly 5 weeks and no closure still. I feel like I'm going mad and it's torture. And I know it's 99.99999% impossible, but a teeny part of me is hoping that I'm pregnant again and I think that's making me feel more insane. I also had a bit of a breakdown yesterday and called my EPU in floods of tears. They admitted that my situation was unusual and are keen for me to return next week for my scan so I suppose all I can do is wait for that. I haven't tested since yesterday morning. Trying to hold off until at least tomorrow or Sunday! Will keep you posted.

That's amazing news re: your OPK!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy for you - hopefully that helps you feel a bit more grounded? Just knowing where your body is at? I have no idea how the CB ones work so sorry I can't answer that. But with regards to taking the pressure off TTC, one thing me and DH have been trying is DTD every other day - irrespective of anything or where I am in my cycle (who knows what's going on with me?!) and that's been lovely and means it's not just a perfunctory act and if I'm honest I've been so low of late it's been lovely to connect and feel intimate with him. Hope that wasn't TMI .

Also be kinder to yourself about clearly moving on from the MMC after 5 weeks. It is a big loss and hugely traumatic and it was your first pregnancy. That's a big deal and it's okay to feel that loss and to give yourself time. I don't think I'll ever come to terms with it fully - just learn to eventually be more peaceful about it. And I too am just desperate to be pregnant again. We're renovating our house and I'm staying in a job I don't like both because of this baby - to make more space for him/her and to get the great maternity package I'm entitled to. So now I'm living through a house renovation that feels like it's for nothing and lost in a job I hate without an end in sight. I just want my baby back inside of me.

@coconutlatte44 How're you doing today? Thinking of you and sending love and strength.

How's everyone else? Xx

Morning @sadtoday21 - I used the CB adv OPKs for my last two cycles and they where spit on every time. The first cycle i used them I got 4 days of flashing smileys and the 2 cycle I got 2 days of flashing smileys before getting a static smiley. I was so pleased I used them as my O happened earlier in this last cycle.

I can totally relate to everything you said. I too was free and breezy about the whole thing, but Mc changes you I think. My DH has openly said that I have been obsessive about ttc, but has also said if the information helps then I should. But this is of course a double edge sword. Tbh the reason I wanted to track my bbt and o is due to the possibility of recurrent Mc - at least I would have data to provide them.

Not feeling optimistic today. I am stupidly doing repeat HPT and the line isn't getting much darker. I have left a message with the midwife as I think I want to have blood tests. I am being very neurotic and can't control it.

We are heading up to Scotland a week on Sunday. We go every year, sometimes twice. We love it up there as you can go off grid completely.

OMG! Please help me. I just received a letter from the NHS saying I have a follow-up appointment scheduled and I don't know why. It's something to do with the "tissue" they took after d&c and they won't tell me anything on the phone and the appointment isn't until five days from now...with the doctor. I'm so so scared. Maybe something is seriously wrong with me? I feel like I'm dying inside I'm just so scared. This isn't routine, right? Something is wrong with me??! They said they wouldn't call if everything was fine.

@sadtoday21 I just noticed this. I would call them straight away to ask why. Also call your doctor and ask what the lab report says as they will have looked at the results of the surgery. My GP had my report and it said all ok and didn't need any follow up. Try not to panic. I know it's really hard but could be something simple. Maybe your hospital just do a routine check to see how you're getting on. Let us know how it goes! X

@Amanda81 I'm considering asking for bloods too. I only did two FRERs and both positive, the second stronger after a couple of days but not super super strong as hadn't missed a period yet. That's all I did last time but had stronger results as had missed a period last time when I found out. Also had a tiny bit of spotting at 7/8 dpo which seems consistent with implantation, nothing since. I'm getting stronger settling in cramps than last time too. The cramps freaked me out last time as assumed in pregnancy there would be no sensations until later. Anyway midwife reassured me all normal but because of the anxiety feel like blood tests would give me the reassurance I need that things are progressing ok. It's horrible what a miscarriage does to you in terms of second guessing things.

I would say if it's going to ease your mind get bloods done too. X

Thanks @SARmum14 I really appreciate the kind words. I agree and see my body as strong. I think I'm just more aware of what can go wrong now so that doesn't help. The knowledge that even if it implants progression can just stop and that's so terrifying with a much wanted baby. I was so innocent last time. I'm just trying to take each day as it comes and remember today I'm pregnant until proven otherwise. X