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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

999 replies

sadtoday21 · 10/02/2019 16:14

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

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MadeForThis · 14/02/2019 22:57

A mmc is the worst feeling in the world. Your body still thinks it's pregnant. Then you have to wait for the d&c or natural mc to happen.

I lost our first dc on out 1st wedding anniversary. Why does it always seem to be linked to important dates? My friend lost her first a month or so before me on Mother's Day. It's like an extra kick in the teeth.

When I first lost the baby I couldn't wait to be pregnant again. It's all I could think about. But it took about 7 weeks for my period to return and in that time I almost got scared to try again.

I wanted to have some time to come to terms with what happened. And while we didn't use protection we didn't actively try for a good 6 months.

Being pregnant after a mmc is a scary time. All the usual worries amplified. Although the risks aren't actually any higher at all.

Waiting for your period to return is just to date the pregnancy. But if you feel you need to take time to accept and recover from your loss that's ok too x

Original poster
sadtoday21 · 15/02/2019 09:17

@LillyLeaf I am really sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to think about how difficult it is to go through this after IVF. Wishing you the best of luck for next time.xxx

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Original poster
sadtoday21 · 15/02/2019 09:21

@MadeForThis thank you for your kinds words and I’m so sorry you went through this too. Did you isolate yourself from DH and everyone around you afterwards? Immediately after D&C I felt ok and we were doing fine and I wanted to try again right away. Now less than a week later I can barely look at him and I can’t stand the thought of doing this again. It’s a rollercoaster...hormones or something darker???

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SparkleFairy6 · 15/02/2019 11:11

Hi I am so sorry for your loss, my husband and I found out on Tuesday from an early ultrasound that our baby stopped growing at 8 weeks, I was 9 weeks pregnant. I had been experiencing a little blood but nothing to make me think the worst. This would have been our first baby. And I also, like you, never experienced any morning sickness but my MW said someone women don’t. I’m not going to lie if I said I wasnt worried when we hopefully do conceive again that the thought would always be there. You just have to wait until you and your body is ready.
At the moment I’m waiting to miscarriage naturally 💔 I keep getting slight cramping and period like blood so I do hope it happens soon so we can try to get over it. The early pregnancy assessment clinic wanted me to go back next week to reconfirm it but my DH and I are away and he said to cancel our break but I think it’s just what we need right now and the MW told me if I have to then to go to a hospital whilst we are away. And I’m booked back in on the 25th.

I know it’s hard but please don’t shut anyone out, and I know your emotions will be everywhere. I keep hoping to wake up every morning and for it to be a bad dream. Your DH will be hurting too, I know mine is I can see it in his eyes but he’s trying to remain so strong for me.
I really hope things work out well for you x

LillyLeaf · 15/02/2019 17:44

I just want me and DP to hind away from everyone else. Today was hard, someone at work announced their pregnancy in a group meeting, it was so hard, I went to the toilets after for a cry, it's just not fair. I really want to fell better.

Original poster
sadtoday21 · 15/02/2019 18:12

I know exactly what you mean. And somehow everywhere I go I see babies everywhere! I swear there never used to be so many babies in the world. I guess it also feels like such a strange in between time - not a young sexy woman in love and not a mom with a young baby. Just less of a woman overall maybe.

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Original poster
sadtoday21 · 15/02/2019 18:15

It doesn’t help that I feel I lost all my hair from the miscarriage and the cystic hormonal acne has not even gone away at all yet. Oh and took a pregnancy test this morning and I’m still “pregnant.” What a cruel joke, right?

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MadeForThis · 15/02/2019 20:18

I didn't isolate myself from DH. He was the only one that was going through this with me. Although it's a different experience for them.
We had been due to fly abroad the following day but were advised to stay home. We pretty much just stayed at home and cried, well I did, he just hugged me and tried to make sure I ate.
The mc happened naturally after 3 days. I went back to work the following week. No one there knew so it made it easier.

We never started using contraceptives but made no effort to "try" to get pregnant for a few months. I knew I needed some time to process what had happened.

We have had 2 dd since then. Life does move on. But you never forget what could have been.

Loti92 · 15/02/2019 22:01

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SparkleFairy6 · 15/02/2019 22:39

I’m so sorry you also going through such heartache, I only found out this week our baby (would have been our first) stopped growing at 8 weeks and I was 9 weeks pregnant.
I also found out this week my friends sister announced her pregnancy, she is due the month before I would have been. I felt really sad as it would have been my husband and i announcing our good news next month.
When the time is right I want to fall pregnant again and hopefully everything will be perfect this time. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous and scared about when it happens again.
Take care and I hope everything works out well for the future.

Original poster
sadtoday21 · 16/02/2019 20:41

@SparkleFairy6 I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope that things will get better for you soon too. It must have been so hard for you to hear your friend’s news. My friend is almost 26 weeks and we planned on getting pregnant about the same time - it’s really hard for me to think about how her baby will be born soon and mine had just died. So I totally understand what you mean. It’s really hard. Wishing you all the best for the future xxx

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Original poster
sadtoday21 · 16/02/2019 20:43

Does anyone know how long it takes for hcg levels to return to normal? Do you think it will take a long time for me because I was 9 weeks and had D&C? Or do the three weeks I had before the surgery count towards decreasing hcg levels (I was 12 weeks when I found out)? Thanks!

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SparkleFairy6 · 16/02/2019 20:55

Thank you very much, it’s awful isn’t it because even though I’m so happy for her I’m just so sad that we should have been announcing our pregnancy in a weeks. Life is so cruel.
It’s just so heartbreaking to hear of how many people are also going through this, so grateful for this group as even though I’ve got my family and close friends it helps to know I’m not alone and we can all support each other.
Take care and I hope everything works out well for you xxx

Loti92 · 16/02/2019 20:56

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Original poster
sadtoday21 · 17/02/2019 11:26

That’s really helpful @Loti92 thanks for the info. I tested 7 days after D&C and was still “pregnant.” I know I probably didn’t wait long enough - the doctor said wait 3 weeks - but I just want this mmc to be done with so I can move on. DH said I should just “get over it” last night and I tried explaining to him that I can’t, particularly since I still have hormones and physical symptoms. I was upset that he said that but I don’t know if I’m just being overly sensitive with all the hormones.

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SARmum14 · 17/02/2019 14:07

I found out about my MMC two weeks ago and had ERPC this week. Very little bleeding and actually started TTC again last night. I know it’s ridiculously early but I’m desperate to do a negative pregnancy test so I can move on. I’ve been signed off work for a few weeks and am so desperately sad. Made worse by the fact that we started an extension on our house and had to pack and move out whilst waiting for the ERPC. Currently staying with a family member and whilst we’re really grateful for a roof over our heads it’s really hard not being in our own homes and this family member is quite cold and unfeeling which isn’t great when I’m bursting into tears all the time! Just want to be in my own house and with my baby back inside of me.

Original poster
sadtoday21 · 18/02/2019 10:02

Any idea how long it takes for this whole mmc process to be over? I mean, how long does it take for the body to recover and get back to normal cycle etc.

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Halo84 · 18/02/2019 10:16

I’m sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience, went in for a 14 week ultrasound and there was no movement. It was my fourth pregnancy, I had three at home, 5, 4, and 2. I cried, but quickly buttoned up my emotions. I did have one episode on my first day at a new job, where no one knew, but otherwise held it together. Time is the only healer. I imagine yours is worse, being a first pregnancy.

Don’t shut out your husband, he feels the loss as well, even if he isn’t expressing it.

I would wait for the period the doctors suggest before attempting to get pregnant again.

Stay strong! You will have your baby, with time.

MadeForThis · 18/02/2019 10:27

It took about 7 weeks before I had a normal period. But it can vary for everyone.

Your husbands "get over it" comment seems very insensitive. But it can be hard for anyone to know what to say. Nothing makes it better.

Original poster
sadtoday21 · 19/02/2019 16:28

@Halo84 thank you so much for your kind words. I am also sorry for your loss. Appreciate the advice and will try to wait one cycle.xxx

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Original poster
sadtoday21 · 19/02/2019 16:35

@MadeForThis seven weeks seems like a long time - how did you cope with the waiting? It was an insensitive comment, but he’s been so supportive overall so I guess I should let it go. Hope you are doing better now.

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MadeForThis · 19/02/2019 19:52

The 7 weeks were awful. I also convinced myself that I could be pregnant again and that's why my period hadn't returned.

In reality it was good that my body took a while to return to normal as I needed it emotionally to come to terms with the loss.

I'm actually ok with it now. Try to think rationally about it and detach a bit. Have had 2 DD's since but will never forget my first baby.

You don't realise how common it is until it happens. It should be something we talk about and prepare for. Once it happened to me I had loads of friends and family tell me about their mc's. Had never talked about it before.

Original poster
sadtoday21 · 19/02/2019 22:00

@MadeForThis that is really good advice. Thinking rationally would probably be more helpful than just dwelling on it. And you are totally right about the need to break the taboo surrounding mc and mmc.

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MadeForThis · 19/02/2019 22:49

I meant to say that I try to think rationally about it. Just realised I missed off the I.

There's no easy or right way to deal with it. I just found that by thinking that the baby didn't make it as there was something genetically wrong helped me somehow. There was no should haves or could haves. It just wasnt meant to be biologically.

Talking on here helps too. It keeps it real and makes something positive of the whole awful experience.

Catconfusion · 22/02/2019 10:21

Hello ladies,

I unfortunately had an ERPC two and a half weeks ago to resolve a missed miscarriage. We found out at 10 weeks. Baby was 6 weeks when passed and would have been 12 weeks when I had ERPC because no signs of baby passing naturally.

I only had bleeding on day of op and am now getting a negative pregnancy test. We're so confused about when to try again. We've been very sad but at 39 feel time is ticking so are keen to try again.

Key factors stopping us:

  1. Fear my body isn't ready even though I've seemingly recovered well. Haven't had a period yet though.
  2. I put on a stone with pregnancy as had severe sickness so ate to help it and was immobile due to nausea. Wondering if wise to try and lose this before. Has anyone else had big weight gain?
  3. We haven't had things like thyroid checked or any blood work done by GP though no reason to suggest anything wrong.

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated as it sounds like you ladies have similar circumstances. We feel really ready to give it another go. This baby was conceived first time we didn't use contraception on our honeymoon so we're hoping just bad luck and staying positive for next time. Baby dust to you all!