UK or US life: homesickness, family ties and where to settle

[MichelleRodriguezxx]

I'm looking for honest advice from people who have lived in both the UK and the US, or who've faced a similar decision.
I'm originally from Essex, UK, but now live in Ohio for 3 years with my American husband. I'm really struggling to work out whether my feelings are just homesickness or whether I'm genuinely better suited to life in the UK.
UK (Essex)

• £50k WFH job (Canary Wharf office if needed)
• Family and lifelong friends nearby
• 3-bed detached house in a village
• Walkable pub, Friday fish & chip van (a genuine highlight!)
• Near the coast
• Easy access to London, Europe and weekend breaks

USA (Ohio)

• $90k WFH job
• Healthcare comes out of my salary
• Groceries feel significantly more expensive
• No office, fully remote
• No family or close friends here (only my husband's family/friends)
• 3-bed detached house with a decent amount of land
• Need to drive everywhere
• About 30 minutes from the nearest beach
• Beautiful Metroparks nearby, which I walk in almost daily

My honest experience after living here is that money disappears much faster than I expected. The higher salary hasn't translated into feeling wealthier once healthcare, groceries, travel and other costs are factored in.
I've travelled around the US (Colorado, North Carolina, New York, Las Vegas, Savannah, Tennessee) and while there are some incredible places and stunning national parks, I often feel like so much of everyday America is built around chain restaurants, retail and driving. The national parks have genuinely been one of the things that have kept me going mentally.
One thing I really appreciate is the healthcare. When you need it, it's been fast, reliable and excellent.
What I've struggled with most is the sense of community. This is obviously just my experience, but interactions often feel friendly yet quite surface-level. People are polite, but I rarely feel those interactions develop into genuine connections. In England, I felt there was more banter, humour and community spirit, and neighbours were more likely to know each other.
Life here also feels much more car-dependent and individualistic. In England I loved being able to spontaneously book weekends away, visit different villages, drive to the coast or jump on a cheap flight to Europe. Here, holidays feel like they require much more planning, time off work and money. Domestic flights are also far more expensive than I'm used to.
At the same time, I'm aware the UK has its own problems right now—cost of living, the NHS, politics and general decline that people often talk about. I do wonder whether living in a village would shield me from some of that, as I genuinely loved my community there.
The hardest part has been family. Since moving I've lost two grandparents and missed both funerals. My parents are getting older, and my nephew now lives just 10 minutes from my old house. That's becoming increasingly difficult emotionally. His family have been VERY UNWELCOMING and want everything their own way. I am merely my husbands wife to them. We don’t see them a lot. They hate me. Think I’m using him and are just mean girl attitude.
I don't hate America at all, and I know experiences vary hugely by state. Ohio may not represent the whole country. There are definitely things I love here, especially the parks, the space and the quality of healthcare. The parks have stopped me from becoming depressed. Every day rolls into one here - I wake up - work - watch tv - sleep - in there big house - big car- I feel like that might suit some people but I can’t help but feel like I want a little more out of life. My husband says most people here are miserable that’s why they aren’t very nice or care about anyone deeply. Christmas in the UK is special, spas, pubs, everywhere is decorated and we get so much time off work. Here you’re lucky to get two days off. I honestly believe some Americans would talk to you in a supermarket, and if you got run over 5 minutes later they’d drive around you - nothing feels genuine here. Us Brit’s bond on humor. They don’t.
I just can't shake the feeling that something is missing. I miss the humour, the sense of belonging, the spontaneity and feeling part of a community.
Has anyone else moved from the UK to the US (or vice versa) and felt this way? Did it get better with time, or did you eventually realise one country simply suited your personality better? I'm really interested in hearing honest experience from people who've lived both lives. I’m running out of time to have children in either country.

I'm just catching up on your story and you are doing the right thing by leaving. go back home and don't look back.

I'm not sure how you ended up meeting this guy in Ohio but he and his family seem a bit feral. I'm very familiar with both Ohio and Indiana the type of people who wave guns around. I would never go to either one of those places ever again.
You gave this a good shot you spent 3 years there.

When are you planning to leave? Hopefully you will be home for Christmas

I have lived in America for a few years for college but I'm not originally from there. I'm now living in the UK after I married my husband. I was so miserable the first few years, like you but the opposite, I missed everything about my home country and America. I had great experience there in terms of friendships, my college friends and colleagues in America in California were so nice, and I found the US much more diverse than the UK in general outside of London. Maybe because I'm a foreigner in the UK, I found it very difficult to have non superficial friendships here due to cultural differences. I still do but now after 17 years I have accepted that I may never have deep meaningful friendship here and that's fine, I have my close friends who love abroad.

In the UK, up North, some ignorant people still treat me like an alien who cannot speak English. I had a builder speaking very slowly in English. I have degrees from a couple of famous universities in the US so while my grammar is not 100%, I speak English fluently. This never happened to me in the 8 years I lived in the US, West and East Coast. Truthfully I'd move back there in a heartbeat even though I know it has its issues especially now. But it is a land of opportunities, my salary in my industry would be more than doubled what I'm on now, and socially there are so many more social groups and community events to meet new friends compared to the UK especially outside of London.

I've currently resigned to the fact that I'm stuck in the UK for now and trying to make the best out of it. I enjoy British banter and I do love my interaction with my British colleagues, but it's only at work and not outside of work. I'd probably forever dreaming of moving back to the US though especially California.