UK or US life: homesickness, family ties and where to settle

[MichelleRodriguezxx]

I'm looking for honest advice from people who have lived in both the UK and the US, or who've faced a similar decision.
I'm originally from Essex, UK, but now live in Ohio for 3 years with my American husband. I'm really struggling to work out whether my feelings are just homesickness or whether I'm genuinely better suited to life in the UK.
UK (Essex)

• £50k WFH job (Canary Wharf office if needed)
• Family and lifelong friends nearby
• 3-bed detached house in a village
• Walkable pub, Friday fish & chip van (a genuine highlight!)
• Near the coast
• Easy access to London, Europe and weekend breaks

USA (Ohio)

• $90k WFH job
• Healthcare comes out of my salary
• Groceries feel significantly more expensive
• No office, fully remote
• No family or close friends here (only my husband's family/friends)
• 3-bed detached house with a decent amount of land
• Need to drive everywhere
• About 30 minutes from the nearest beach
• Beautiful Metroparks nearby, which I walk in almost daily

My honest experience after living here is that money disappears much faster than I expected. The higher salary hasn't translated into feeling wealthier once healthcare, groceries, travel and other costs are factored in.
I've travelled around the US (Colorado, North Carolina, New York, Las Vegas, Savannah, Tennessee) and while there are some incredible places and stunning national parks, I often feel like so much of everyday America is built around chain restaurants, retail and driving. The national parks have genuinely been one of the things that have kept me going mentally.
One thing I really appreciate is the healthcare. When you need it, it's been fast, reliable and excellent.
What I've struggled with most is the sense of community. This is obviously just my experience, but interactions often feel friendly yet quite surface-level. People are polite, but I rarely feel those interactions develop into genuine connections. In England, I felt there was more banter, humour and community spirit, and neighbours were more likely to know each other.
Life here also feels much more car-dependent and individualistic. In England I loved being able to spontaneously book weekends away, visit different villages, drive to the coast or jump on a cheap flight to Europe. Here, holidays feel like they require much more planning, time off work and money. Domestic flights are also far more expensive than I'm used to.
At the same time, I'm aware the UK has its own problems right now—cost of living, the NHS, politics and general decline that people often talk about. I do wonder whether living in a village would shield me from some of that, as I genuinely loved my community there.
The hardest part has been family. Since moving I've lost two grandparents and missed both funerals. My parents are getting older, and my nephew now lives just 10 minutes from my old house. That's becoming increasingly difficult emotionally. His family have been VERY UNWELCOMING and want everything their own way. I am merely my husbands wife to them. We don’t see them a lot. They hate me. Think I’m using him and are just mean girl attitude.
I don't hate America at all, and I know experiences vary hugely by state. Ohio may not represent the whole country. There are definitely things I love here, especially the parks, the space and the quality of healthcare. The parks have stopped me from becoming depressed. Every day rolls into one here - I wake up - work - watch tv - sleep - in there big house - big car- I feel like that might suit some people but I can’t help but feel like I want a little more out of life. My husband says most people here are miserable that’s why they aren’t very nice or care about anyone deeply. Christmas in the UK is special, spas, pubs, everywhere is decorated and we get so much time off work. Here you’re lucky to get two days off. I honestly believe some Americans would talk to you in a supermarket, and if you got run over 5 minutes later they’d drive around you - nothing feels genuine here. Us Brit’s bond on humor. They don’t.
I just can't shake the feeling that something is missing. I miss the humour, the sense of belonging, the spontaneity and feeling part of a community.
Has anyone else moved from the UK to the US (or vice versa) and felt this way? Did it get better with time, or did you eventually realise one country simply suited your personality better? I'm really interested in hearing honest experience from people who've lived both lives. I’m running out of time to have children in either country.

Hi OP.

just go home. You are desperately unhappy and I hadn’t realised your marriage is unhappy too.

doesn’t matter if friends have moved on - you will make new friends! Go home!!!!!

Do you work?

Yes she was worried he would come over and harass her parents who she would have been living with. She had no other options as she had no money of her own and no job.

Your friend is giving you some bad advice here. Don’t have a baby in an unhappy marriage. Definitely not in a country you don’t want to live in.

My friend recommended tonight having a child because she suggested that brings her and her hubby closer (when they look after her niece) I must admit when me and hubby have his nieces we do feel like a family/united more than another days.

please no, this is madness!! Having children puts a lot of pressure on relationships. Yours is already bad and bringing children into this mess would be a recipe for disaster.

Plus it would mean that you would be well and truly stuck in a place where you are unlikely to ever feel at home.

Don’t do it. Right now you have options. Do what’s best for YOU. You CAN go home!

The more you talk about this friend the more it sounds like they want to sabotage you.
For your own protection I would distance yourself from them and not share anything else. I certainly would not take any of their advice

This makes me feel really sad that I don’t have any people around me that genuinely love and care about me :(

OP everyone has told you that having a child will trap you there for life. And having your neice for a few hours is a far cry from a permanent child. Insane

Well, surely that should add to your motivation for leaving? As well as the fact that this woman is giving you incredibly poor, wrongheaded advice?

It is unfortunate at times like this you find out who really is on your side and who isn't. Once you get home to the UK you'll be able to reconnect with people and make new friends in a place that you're familiar with. I've moved countries several times and made a poor decision based on trusting family of all people who I shouldn't have trusted. I know it's not the same as having people in real life but I find people on here to be quite supportive with major life events.

And yet you are posting after this really disturbing post musing about friendships in the US and what bots on reddit say about their husbands smoking weed and gelling with a circle of friends. Completely ignoring the huge problems sitting right there in your own home.

I live in the US. I can't say it often enough. Your problems have absolutely nothing to do with the US and everything to do with your husband, his family and the milieu in which you live. Waving guns around? Smoking weed every day? Drama and arguments? Why do you think this is a normal way to live and all you need is a good group of girl friends?

Get out. I'd be saying that if you were born and raised in Ohio. In your case getting out means going back to the UK.

Go back to the UK as soon as you can and sort some therapy for yourself once you get there.

Babe, why would you share this with your “friend”? Are you trying to convince her? Why do you care if she thinks you should go home or not? Please stop investing in how you worry others will perceive you and your choices. I promise: no one else really cares. This is YOUR life and you need to live it for yourself and no one else. I am waiting and hoping to see your post updating that you are safely back here in the UK. You can do it.

All the more reason why YOU need to be the one to show yourself some love, care and compassion.