Can he stop his baby's mother moving away before the birth?

[Sadgie]

His baby mum to be is 5 months pregnant and has told him she plans to move back to her parents home which is rural and 2.5 hours away by car, he doesn't drive. She presented this as a done deal, has had a transfer of office base for her job etc, wants to raise child where she grew up.
She has lived in the same city as him for the decade he has known her.
He is devastated as can't see how he can be an involved dad as he wanted to be now. He has signed up to driving lessons in quite a defeated way, reluctant to get legal advice as doesn't want to start things off badly.
They were in the same friendship group for a long time, never in a relationship. They got together in the wake of them both breaking up with their long term partners. Son thinks she's embarrassed and doesn't really want him in the picture.
Is there anything he can do to prevent her moving? I appreciate she may want more support in new parenthood but as she's planning permanent relocation it's going to mean they have a dad at long distance for the whole of their childhood.

I don’t think he has any say. There is no baby yet - just a pregnancy.

He should have used protection in such a casual relationship..

Sounds incredibly sensible to move to be closer to her support and family. She's pregnant and he's unlikely to actually step up and support her if she stays where she staying would be daft.

He'll need to move closer, even an hour would make a difference. Look up how long young babies can spend in a car seat in a 24 hour period, and the fact the future child will need to stay with the mother mainly, initially, especially if breastfeeding.
Then when the kid is older they're not going to want to spend half their time stuck in a car, away from their friends and life.

No you cannot stop a pregnant woman from moving anywhere!

This sounds controlling to me.

No, he can't dictate her life and keep her prisoner to suit his wants. Good for her for thinking of her and the baby's best future. He can move closer or do some driving.

I know various women who have started getting involved in their partner's former relationship and the ex usually has a very different story. It's controlling and not your business or baby frankly.

Ffs

Who are these people? Did you over hear this on the bus?

I didn't know what else to refer to her as!
She was on the pill but later told him apparently she had missed some , not that it matters as it's done now.
Family support is one thing but surely an involved dad is important too?

I was confused by this but I've just realised it was in the title I used originally but not the AI one- it's my son! It's my grandchild!

This is your son? What a disrespectful way to refer to the mother of your future grandchild.

Who are you in this scenario?

If this were my son, I’d push for being present and supportive when I can be. A child can grow up to have a good relationship with a parent even if they haven’t lived together much. Working cooperatively to build the connection over a long time is likely to be more effective than trying to stop her accessing support she needs.

It's not prisoner, it's wanting her to stay in the same region that they've both lived in their whole adult lives, where they both have flats and jobs and friends, so they can both raise the child

I understand he's your son and you're worried about him, but you need to step back and take a breath.

This young woman is 5 months pregnant, is not in a stable long term relationship, and wants the help and support of her family. That's a smart choice she's making.

Your son can't drive, lives at home, and has absolutely no rights over what this young woman chooses to do. There's no legal (or moral) right to try and stop her from relocating.

She not a "baby mum" FFS. She's a pregnant young woman making choices that best suit her and her future child.

No, an 'involved' father - especially if a teen or young adult - is nowhere near as important as family support for a young single mother.

Your son didn't take responsibility for his own contraception and here are the consequences.

No, he can't. If the baby were here, and he had parental responsibility, he could try going to court for a prohibitive steps order (I think it's called). But he cannot control a woman based on her being pregnant. And he was an utter idiot not to wear a condom.

You really need to reconsider how you are framing all of this.

Can he stop a pregnant woman moving - No

Should he stop a pregnant woman from moving closer to family support - No

You are completely inappropriate here.

Maybe he can marry her or think next time before he has sex with someone casually? He needs to learn to be responsible for his own contraception. I've taught my sons that. They can both raise the child but she doesn't have to live her whole life around him because she is having his baby. The situation and her life have changed drastically, so she is thinking long term. Sensible. Why does she have to adjust her life to his wants? Maybe he can adjust to her wants since she will no doubt be doing most of the heavy lifting with parenting.

OP, is the father going to offer 50:50? Do half the nursery runs, half the sick days, half the nights and half the feeds, care, laundry, shopping etc? Re-organise his career to exclude travelling more than an hour from home, and never more than one or two overnights? Or is he thinking of EOW plus one evening a week?

Because if the mum is to work and provide for her child, she needs the kind of committed support that only a family member will give.

If he wants to be an involved dad, he has to learn to drive (It's a basic life skill) and be prepared to move with his children to give them the best childhood possible. His preferences are secondary.

Can you drive him to visit while he’s learning?

He can’t stop her. Even if he could he shouldn’t, she needs to be with her family.

How close does the nearest public transport get him? Can he get a taxi from there?

Friends won't be much support to her when the baby comes. She quite rightly is thinking long term here. She doesn't live with your son, he's a short term partner and all she has is his words that he wants to be involved, words are worthless and she can get another job. If this was your daughter I suspect you'd be quite rightly telling her being closer to those who will definitely help would be sensible.

If your son wants a relationship with this child he needs to step up and support her choice.

Unfortunately he has fathered a child with someone who isn’t committed to him.
She does seem to have taken sensible steps to promote her and the baby’s wellbeing. He needs to do the same, work out where he can be useful and where he can build the relationship.

Visit reliably and regularly as is appropriate for the baby’s age. It won’t be very frequent because of the move, but it can still be useful to both baby and mum.
As baby gets older, it will be possible to take them out without mum, and build up to have overnight visits. School holidays and so on.

The key thing is to accept that right now, the mum is doing what looks like the best thing for mum and baby. She doesn’t know how reliable and supportive your son will be. She’s choosing a better known option, her home support network. He needs to support that and find ways he can be useful- that’s in the best interests of all three of them.

Few man haters here! As per OP the man is absolutely willing to step up and be a father to the kid. However, OP you can also understand why the woman in question wants to move closer to her parents and unfortunately the baby is not going to grow up in a family with two parents. Your son is going to have to keep on making an effort to be in his child’s life and learning to drive is a good thing anyway.
Hopefully he will not make the same mistake again.

It’s sensible of her to want to be near her family where she has support. He should start to show that he will be an involved parent, getting a car and showing willingness to travel to maintain contact with the baby would be a good start.