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Can he stop his baby's mother moving away before the birth?

404 replies

Sadgie · 20/08/2026 21:41

His baby mum to be is 5 months pregnant and has told him she plans to move back to her parents home which is rural and 2.5 hours away by car, he doesn't drive. She presented this as a done deal, has had a transfer of office base for her job etc, wants to raise child where she grew up.
She has lived in the same city as him for the decade he has known her.
He is devastated as can't see how he can be an involved dad as he wanted to be now. He has signed up to driving lessons in quite a defeated way, reluctant to get legal advice as doesn't want to start things off badly.
They were in the same friendship group for a long time, never in a relationship. They got together in the wake of them both breaking up with their long term partners. Son thinks she's embarrassed and doesn't really want him in the picture.
Is there anything he can do to prevent her moving? I appreciate she may want more support in new parenthood but as she's planning permanent relocation it's going to mean they have a dad at long distance for the whole of their childhood.

OP posts:
autumn1638 · 23/08/2026 17:47

She doesn’t even need to put him on the birth certificate does she? She’s doing the right thing moving to be near her parents and it’s up to her what she does. It’s unfortunate for you but it’s her body and her baby. You will probably to able to go and visit if you stay on good terms.

2O26 · 23/08/2026 18:28

Nerdippy · 23/08/2026 11:50

35 years ago my BIL fathered a child with a casual acquaintance. They worked together but did not live together and were not in a committed relationship. Before the baby was born the mother moved two hours away to be close to her parents and did not consider how BIL would feel about that. He also did not drive at that time (he was 21, she was 19).

At the beginning, he had limited contact, always with the mother 'supervising'. He persevered with the little contact he was granted and made sure he could be available to any contact she offered, even if it was a little inconvenient for him and his work responsibilities. It went on like that for a few years. BIL's parents only saw their granddaughter when BIL started to be trusted to take his daughter out for the day without the mother being there.

Eventually, the mother understood that letting BIL take his daughter for the weekend including overnight or days out in the week actually helped her out with having some 'me' time so she became far more amenable to his support and help with raising their daughter separately. While his contact/bonding with his daughter was fractured at the beginning, it all started to become far better as time went on and emotions were not so high. BIL has said it wasn't easy in the beginning, but he persevered and never let the contact lapse, even though at times he nearly felt like giving up.

While the whole experience isn't what most co-parenting people want, it has not had a detrimental effect on BIL's daughter. In her early years, she had two homes, two holidays a year, two family gatherings and when both her mother and father married other people, she eventually became a big sister to several half brothers and sisters. She is now 35 years old and still has a great relationship with both parents and their 'separate' families and, of course, the grandparents did manage to be a big part of her life - sadly some of them no longer alive.

It can work well, but it takes time and consideration for all the parties involved. At the end of the day, it must be in the best interests of the child involved.

Eye-opening post. It's so inspiring to hear from a father (your brother) who has been through this and has a great relationship with his DD. Your brother sounds like such an amazing person.

Ayarreet · 23/08/2026 23:39

2O26 · 23/08/2026 18:28

Eye-opening post. It's so inspiring to hear from a father (your brother) who has been through this and has a great relationship with his DD. Your brother sounds like such an amazing person.

You didn't hear from a father, you heard from a SIL who has only observed.

2O26 · 24/08/2026 04:01

Ayarreet · 23/08/2026 23:39

You didn't hear from a father, you heard from a SIL who has only observed.

Sorry, I hoped that by putting your brother in parentheses,"a father (your brother)",
I made it clear. I didn't mean to imply it was a firsthand post from the father.

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