Can he stop his baby's mother moving away before the birth?

[Sadgie]

His baby mum to be is 5 months pregnant and has told him she plans to move back to her parents home which is rural and 2.5 hours away by car, he doesn't drive. She presented this as a done deal, has had a transfer of office base for her job etc, wants to raise child where she grew up.
She has lived in the same city as him for the decade he has known her.
He is devastated as can't see how he can be an involved dad as he wanted to be now. He has signed up to driving lessons in quite a defeated way, reluctant to get legal advice as doesn't want to start things off badly.
They were in the same friendship group for a long time, never in a relationship. They got together in the wake of them both breaking up with their long term partners. Son thinks she's embarrassed and doesn't really want him in the picture.
Is there anything he can do to prevent her moving? I appreciate she may want more support in new parenthood but as she's planning permanent relocation it's going to mean they have a dad at long distance for the whole of their childhood.

But still, she may perceive this as intruding into her life too much.

I'd love to hear her version of events.

Legal advice doesn’t have to make things acrimonious. If used wisely it can keep the situation from becoming complicated in the first place.

you can check with a solicitor, but he likely has few legal rights until his paternity is established.

If she is intent on moving, he should start looking for employment in her new area.

No he can’t. She’s an adult and the baby isn’t considered a person in its own right until it’s born. He cannot control the choices of an adult.

I agree it’s not nice at all no wonder she is wanting to move out the way!

How about "the mother of his child"?

I put that but then it infers the child's been born

I actually found it a bit disturbing that your main question in your OP was whether or not the pregnant woman could be prevented from moving away to be near her family.

The answer is, of course, that nothing can be done to stop her, and nor should it be.

They aren't married, she doesn't even have to put him on the birth certificate if she doesn't want to. She's probably planning ahead so that she will have as much family support as she can and that seems quite sensible to me. Don't lean on her and try to suggest otherwise.

Your son needs to persevere with his driving lessons and then be prepared to travel to be an involved father. I hope he is able to achieve that.

You need to keep right out of it though. You don't have any rights just because this is your biological grandchild. There is no such thing as Grandparents' rights unless they have been appointed as legal guardians, which only happens rarely.

As things stand there is no baby for your son to fight for contact over so she can go wherever she wants - to the other side of the world if she so chooses. Maybe your best approach is to be supportive, approachable and remind her you would like to be a loving non interfering grandparent wherever she lives.

My gut feeling is that the real underlying question is more about how she can keep her grandchild geographically close she can maximise her access to him or her.

How does it infer that any more than baby mum does?

Well yes there is that, but I know my wants don't come Into it. It's heavy-hearted but I'm disabled and live an hour in the opposite direction. If she moves there's really little hope for me establishing much of a relationship with the child. I don't have any relationship with the mother.

Baby mum to be

Would mother to be of his child be better?

Baby mum is a totally ridiculous expression. Very cringey and bleurgh. Mother to be is better, or why did you not just say that your son's girlfriend was pregnant. She is his girlfriend, not his "baby mum".

Really suprised at the replies. Of course she wants support but of course he doesnt want his baby 2 and a half hours away. He needs legal advice

Good for the pregnant woman, sounds very sensible. Of course he can't stop her from moving 😆 Imagine even thinking this thought let alone writing it down 😂

Men need to understand that every single time they have sex a pregnancy is possible. Always use a condom and get a vasectomy if you definitely don't want a baby.

Anyway, no reason he can't move closer if it is actually important to him. Hint - it won't be. He won't move, and he will keep whinging. Oh well, thats his issue.

He can navigate that stuff once the baby is born, and he can start ensuring a good relationship with the mother of his child by not throwing a hissy fit because she's doing the best thing for herself and the baby to be. As the human being who is risking her life to birth to another human being (yep, every single pregnancy does come with the risk of death, albeit small, it is not a zero risk of death sorry to disappoint those who wish to minimise this) and changing her body forever and her entire life forever to give birth, she is, of course, absolutely entitled both legally and ethically to do exactly what she is doing.

Smart woman. Hopefully he'll stop thinking about how this will be inconvenient for him, and start to consider what's best for the mother of his child, which is exactly what she is doing.

There is nothing he can do to stop her moving away. And if he tries he will kiss goodbye to any goodwill she may be feeling toward him. It isn't as if she is moving to a random welsh village from Scotland. She is moving to where she has support.

His priorities should be:

learning to drive
Sharing any costs she is incurring (I see he is doing this already)
Being as kind and supportive as possible to her and try to reassure her that he will support her and baby when baby arrives.

The baby will be utterly connected to its mother for the first while - both you and he should strive to be supportive and not antagonistic. Don't think in terms of rights - think in terms of responsibilities and love. If you think that to this son/grandson the ex girlfriend will be the single most important person in the entire world that will help.

I agree a good relationship with a father and father's family can be a real boon to a child. No reason why your son can't build one - but it isn't something he "wins" or imposes on his ex.

Of course he can't dictate where she lives! He can't stop her moving to be with her family. He's welcome to get a free half hour initial consultation with a family solicitor who will explain that to him.

It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it - not marry her/ move in and be a family, just turn up when he feels like it (or have they split up? It's not clear).

Either way, friendly negotiation is going to be a lot more sensible than wading in heavy handed threatening solicitors etc. It doesn't sound like either of them can afford legal fees and court action rarely paves the way for a good co parenting relationship.

OP I feel for you but if you have no relationship with the mother, your relationship with your grandchild is going to depend on the child's visits to your son. Ultimately it'll be better for the child if the mum is well supported and managing well than living round the corner from you but not coping.

Good luck with a court ordering a woman, who has not yet given birth ergo there is no baby at the current time, where she can and cannot live 🤣

Smh at people saying he’s trying to do too much / all his suggestions are fantasy etc. I’m sure all first time parents have slightly unrealistic expectations about parenthood but come on, hostility towards a man trying to step up and be a good dad even in non ideal circumstances is just horrible and counterproductive. Seems like he’s trying to do all the right things, genuinely wants to be a parent, and she’s pushing him away and forcing him into every other weekend mode.

Unfortunately, even if he could legally stop her moving (don’t think so) it would ruin their coparenting relationship from the start. Given that they have had a good friendship his best bet is to talk to her about how she imagines him being involved both initially and longer term, try to find an arrangement they’re both happy with, get it written down.

I don’t love the version of feminism where dads are in the wrong unless they do exactly what the mum wants and even then they’re probably still bad. If she wanted to share responsibility more and he wasn’t keen he’d be trashed, when he’s wanting to be hands on and she’s making that difficult he’s still trashed. And saying that unless he follows her he obviously doesn’t care is ridiculous. Why should she be able to control his life decisions like that any more than he can control hers? I think it would be worth him considering that move, asking her if it would be welcome and is she willing to commit to staying there long term (or at least discussing future moves with him), but finding he’s not able to move away from his work and support network is also valid, like her wanting to be close to her support network.

He can't stop her from moving near to her family.

In fact it is better if she does it before the baby is born

Does he have 2 consecutive days off in the week? Could he buy and site a caravan nearby? That way he spends 2 days and she could get some rest?

For all of those saying he has rights, he doesn’t. The child has rights, the parents have responsibilities. He will only be afforded those responsibilities if his name is on the birth certificate, or he takes her to court to prove parentage

If they're getting on to this extent and he's 28, I'd suggest you butt out with heavy heavy-handed questions concerning where she lives.
Also, in whose world did you think it would be possible to stop a pregnant woman from living at The North Pole if she so-wished? If my casual fling's DM raised it with me she would be at the very bottom of my list of trusted people to be around baby, once born.

you think there is something that can be done to legally prevent a person moving to where they want to live when pregnant? Do you not think that if this were the case then a man could also have a say (legally) in whether a woman has an abortion or not ?