Hand hold - declutter diary

[myhouseandhome]

Hi, I've name-changed because I feel I need a fresh start and singular focus. I'm also feeling quite a lot of shame and overwhelm. I owe it to myself and my family to get it together and sort out our house. This is quite a long one and I hope it will be ongoing, so thank you if you take the time to read, but understand if you don't...

I'm 39 with a wonderful DH and 2DC (currently on maternity leave). DH works full-time from home and does all DIY and most of the housework, including laundry, cooking, dishwasher. He can't do any more than he already does and I can't believe he is still with me, if I'm honest. We have been together since we were teenagers and I know he loves me, but I don't think he's happy. He is starting to struggle to cope at home. He's been struggling for years, if I'm honest with myself.

Growing up, I never lived in a clean and tidy house. There is neuro-divergence in the family, but I don't want to use it as an excuse. I've always struggled with even basics like cooking and washing up, and personal grooming, let alone running a family home. I have never had a routine and keep everything, so although there have been periods in our lives when our homes looked okay, it's always been stressful and I've never felt on top of things. Now with 2DC, it is out of control. God, I don't even know where to start. I could cry.

We have lived together for nearly 20 years and I have accumulated stuff in all that time. Today, DH dug out payslips from when I was 17! And I can barely bring myself to get rid of them! What's worse is that the clutter, disorganisation, and lack of routine means that the house is not only untidy, but also filthy. I'm so embarrassed.

Anyway, I've bitten the bullet and agreed to sort it out once and for all. I'm going to do a daily post. Maybe one in the morning and a follow-up in the evening. And I'll share before and after photos when I feel I can. Please, please let me know if this should be on a different board, but I hope I'll get a little support and feel accountable to someone other than my poor DH.

My 5yo has a birthday this month, so it would be really lovely to have made progress by then.I'll start tomorrow.x

I know I started this diary because I needed to declutter, but it's the impact of having a clean and tidy living room, kitchen and toilets)sinks that's had the greatest impact for me so far. Great that you can get more out of the house! Hopefully, the fresh air and daylight will help you feel better too. Sorry that you've been so tired, and well done for keeping up with the daily reset! xx

Having breakfast and watching Dana K. White videos. This one is sticking with me. Despite the terrible sound quality 😅

Day 19/20
Quick update because DS2 is asleep and I am desperate for just a couple of hours before he wakes again. 😫

I've put the clothes back into the nursery! DH reset the old TV to factory settings and has listed it on Olio. We cleaned up the TV unit (gifted to us way back when we had no furniture!) and I've listed that too. The drawer was full of old Aldi candles (specialbuy!) so I listed those too along with some partially used candles that I don't actually like, and someone got in touch straight away! - I'm just waiting for them to arrange collection. I unboxed a really nice candle that was gifted, and this is now on my radiator shelf. 😍 I also kept 3 small scented candles for the bathroom, although I may declutter these at a later date if they're not used. Tealights were put with the party things... I don't have space in the matches/firelighter cupboard, so it was the next best option. 🫥 Found some scented tealights and coasters that haven't been used, so have put to one side for donation. On Wednesday, I did manage to donate a big jumper that I hate because it's ugly 😅 but wear all the time because it's comfy. DH was very happy to see the back of it 🤣 I also donated a toy that a neighbour gave us that DS1 has never used.

DS1's birthday is on the weekend and DS2 is teething (?) atm, so I'm making progress, but it's not been my sole focus. I've got the day at home tomorrow, so will hopefully tackle the kitchen pile. It's been there for 2 weeks now? But it hasn't migrated and it's a very contained pile. Can't wait until it's done though!

You are doing so well

Amazing. Your whole mindset seems to have shifted in the last few weeks.

You can really tell your focus has improved around decision making.
I'm always very motivated to get rid of things before birthdays and Xmas because of the tat deluge that's coming in!

I also find working toward a day I'm going to the chazza on the car helpful. I've identified a chazza that's a local charity that you can park at and isn't super picky about donations - so they get everything now. We now have a white big bag in the hall that's chazza items so no excuse for them hanging around the house.

Ditto hand me downs. I am now handing down to my niece who visits about once a month so I'm rounding up dd2 around then to weed out anything that's too small to be handed directly to my little niece who seems happy with them.

I will be hanging in there with this thread xxx

Day 21
I am astonished and delighted to have arrived at day 21! Was reading about habit formation and 21 days is apparently a bit of a milestone. It's also DS' birthday weekend and some areas in the house (entrance hall, living room, dining area, kitchen, toilets and sinks) are pretty acceptable 😅 as in, I wouldn't be mortified if someone asked to come in. The eye level and visible surfaces in those areas are (mostly) clear and clean, which was definitely not the case 3 weeks ago. It feels so long ago! In a good way.

I've still got a long way to go:

• entrance hall coat hooks and shoe rack
• cupboard under the stairs
• living room book shelves x 19 😱
• dining room shoe rack (don't ask)
• kitchen cupboards x a lot 😅
• kitchen shelves x 8

That's before I even start the bathrooms, front room and 3 bedrooms. But... I do feel that I've made a massive amount of progress in that time, both physically and in terms of mindset.

I took the tealights and coasters to a charity shop today. The candles listed on Olio are being collected on Tuesday, and I've found another one to add to the box. I've found more coasters to donate too. No interest in the TV or unit yet, so DH and I discussing options if no-one wants them after a week.

I was digging around in a kitchen cupboard for DS' birthday card and chucked a packet of linseed from 2016 (!) as well as some heather- flavoured Scottish tablet that was perfumed and disgusting. 😅 They instantly struck me as trash, so straight in the bin.

It's DS' birthday weekend, but I think I'll get a chance to photograph the clothes tomorrow and then hopefully list them on Sunday. I think I've come to terms with donating the majority on Monday if I haven't done it. 🙈 We've allocated a lot of down time for DS, so I hope it will be a fairly relaxed weekend.🤞

Looking forward to tomorrow! And definitely looking forward to the week ahead. It's a month till Christmas and I'm feeling really motivated to move beyond the resetting phase and getting back into the decluttering. 🏆

Photo! I'm feeling a little house proud! ❤️

You have every reason to be proud and I love the picture. Happy Birthday to your little one. I'm hoping to get back onto things this weekend, so hopefully I'll have good news to share.

Happy birthday to DS! You are doing so well OP - you have inspired me to restart my decluttering and also to start the organised mum method, so thank you very much - and I'm so glad you're feeling better about things.

Happy birthday to little one!
You’ve done so well and done so much. Keep going!

I LOVE that photo!!!!

You are very inspirational OP. You've kept going no matter what and are reaping the benefits. I'm enjoying following your thread, especially as I start Christmas shopping and it's keeping me mindful!

No interest in the TV or unit yet, so DH and I discussing options if no-one wants them after a week.

Try listing them (simultaneously) on Freecycle. I think Freecycle is better for giving away furniture.

House looking loads better well done!

With your list of rooms just do one at a time with a before and after pic.

Do the under stairs cupboard last x

How you getting on @myhouseandhome

I’m currently unpacking ornaments in front room, finally getting round to it.

Just wanted to say thanks again for this inspiring thread. Got two carloads of donations and rubbish out the house today (instead of stuff shifting) and feeling really good I let stuff go and accepted not selling old clothes, toys etc.

Have loved this thread, it's really given me a boost! Really inspiring and the last picture looks lovely

Oh, wow! So I was obviously feeling very ambitious about the amount I would get done during a 6yo's birthday weekend. 😅

Day 22
DS' birthday! 🥰😭 DH and I had stayed up late to put up a birthday banner, bunting, etc. and display DS' presents (only 5 from us - cuddly toy, 2 x books, puzzle, Lego) in our clean and tidy living room. He was so excited! We had waffles 😋 and DS opened some presents, then went to a club. MIL came over for cake and we spent the rest of the day opening presents from family and friends, and playing. It was a gorgeous day, but despite the great lighting, I couldn't bring myself to leave him to take photos of the clothes. We had a film night, watched Strictly, then I had an emergency dash to the supermarket for Haribo and Freddos. 😅

No housework apart from tidying up around DS.

Day 23
Whole class soft play party. It was an intense morning! I made up 20+ party bags, packed everything we'd need to take to decorate and serve cake, then spent 2 hours chatting with parents, checking children, organising food timings, candles/singing/cutting cake... DS loved it, we were really happy it had all gone brilliantly, but we were absolutely knackered. All afternoon plans disappeared. DS was exhausted and we just had another relaxed afternoon of him opening presents (a lot!). He's brilliant with gifts and takes his time opening cards, looking at each present, etc. but it took all day! 😅 I can't even remember what we did that night, but DS2 was teething, so terrible night's sleep. 😴

Again, no housework apart from tidying up around DS. 🫥

Day 24
Back to real life... And the countdown to Christmas! 🙀 As mentioned, I'd had an awful night's sleep with DS2. I took him out for a walk to sleep in the pram before a doctor's appointment at 10am, tried and failed to get prescription from 2 different pharmacies, did an Aldi shop, and didn't get home until just before lunch. To be honest, I did nothing at home other than feed DS2. 🫥 I had a rest at lunchtime, then school run, getting DS1 ready for a club. I go with him because of his additional needs, and when we get back it's no stopping until bedtime. DH and I were exhausted from the weekend, so very lazy... No housework. No decluttering. I haven't forgotten that I said I would donate the clothes... 🫥

Day 25
Much better night's sleep, but DH slept downstairs as it's his day working at the office, so he's out from 7am until 8pm. 2DC are such hard work, but I always try to think about single parents and how they cope! DC2 is still teething, so really needy. Not much opportunity to do much else other than cuddles and try to soothe/distract him. Had a PTFA job that needed doing today, so had to squeeze that into any available time. The Olio lady collected the candles! 🏆 DS1 invited a friend over after school whilst walking home - eek! Her mum is lovely, so I apologised for the mess and invited her in for a cup of tea. 😳 The friend said our house was messy 🤣 and I said she was right! 😂 (Think I found my motivation to tidy.) Really lovely to not feel the same levels of embarrassment about the house though - I accept that we will probably always have a house that needs resetting, but at least it's clean now. I think I'm okay with a little untidyness as long as it's clean.

Day 26 (today!)
Really motivated to get stuck in today, but knew the morning would be tricky. Baby group straight after the school run, then trip to the HV (DS2 back on 50th centile for weight after a little dip, so very happy). Met DH for coffee (sticky toffee decaf latte at Coffee No1 is 😋), DS2 had a pouch for lunch (which we never do, but meant not having to rush home), then Aldi, pharmacy for prescription, Sainsbury's and home for lunchtime. I actually had a pot noodle so that I had time to start housework 😅

DH and I watched an old episode of Sort Your Life Out and agreed our week of action:

• reset living room, dining room, kitchen
• pick up Christmas Tree on Thursday
• put up decorations on Thursday night
• rearrange bookshelves (possible declutter 😰) on Friday
• I'm going to sort through the clothes and donate 50% I've sorted in my head
• DH will help me photograph and list the expensive items
• declutter DS1's toys on Sunday to make space for new birthday and Christmas presents
• DH to list TV and unit on Freecycle (thanks for the tip @DisplayPurposesOnly !)
• DH to return unused party supplies
• I'm going to pull together all the leftover party stuff and either list as a bundle or for free

Got nothing else done, but we made plans.

School run, then got stuck in! Showed DS1 a section on Sort Your Life Out of children decluttering their toys. I said we'd bring all the toys together on Sunday and only put them back away if he still plays with them or really loves them, and that the other toys can go to a new home for Christmas for children that don't have new toys and he started getting stuff straight away! 🥰 😭

DH wanted to watch football after DC's bedtime, so I reset the living room (tidying away what I could find a home for from the present pile!), reset the kitchen (including washing up some items on the ancient original decluttering pile), and reset the dining room. It was quite a bit of work because we'd left it so long 😳 but I'm really pleased I just got on and did it. DH listed the TV and unit on Freecycle when I gave him a nudge at bedtime. 😅

We're up-to-date! 🏆 Thanks for hanging in there. Reading your replies is so motivating and I love hearing about how everyone is getting on too. ❤️

Photos!

Kitchen before and after.

More photos!

Kitchen and dining table before and after.

Those before and afters look very satisfying! Well done, amazing progress and how lovely that DS is donating toys.

I have taken 8 bags of books to the charity shop this week and now ALL MY BOOKS FIT INTO THE BOOKCASES. I can't say how rare this is so I'm feeling very chuffed.

We also cleaned and put up the tree so now I just want to stay on top of things instead of having to do big cleans every now and then. I told DH that my goal for next year is not to need to run round cleaning if someone is coming over. Thank you for the inspiration!

Even more photos! 😅

Living room before and after.

I know it was a real mess, and it's frustrating that it's so easy to slip back into it, but it was so much easier to clean and tidy because of having done it so many times now. I still need to vacuum, but it was too late. Looking forward to going down in the morning and seeing it all fresh again! 🏆