Hand hold - declutter diary

[myhouseandhome]

Hi, I've name-changed because I feel I need a fresh start and singular focus. I'm also feeling quite a lot of shame and overwhelm. I owe it to myself and my family to get it together and sort out our house. This is quite a long one and I hope it will be ongoing, so thank you if you take the time to read, but understand if you don't...

I'm 39 with a wonderful DH and 2DC (currently on maternity leave). DH works full-time from home and does all DIY and most of the housework, including laundry, cooking, dishwasher. He can't do any more than he already does and I can't believe he is still with me, if I'm honest. We have been together since we were teenagers and I know he loves me, but I don't think he's happy. He is starting to struggle to cope at home. He's been struggling for years, if I'm honest with myself.

Growing up, I never lived in a clean and tidy house. There is neuro-divergence in the family, but I don't want to use it as an excuse. I've always struggled with even basics like cooking and washing up, and personal grooming, let alone running a family home. I have never had a routine and keep everything, so although there have been periods in our lives when our homes looked okay, it's always been stressful and I've never felt on top of things. Now with 2DC, it is out of control. God, I don't even know where to start. I could cry.

We have lived together for nearly 20 years and I have accumulated stuff in all that time. Today, DH dug out payslips from when I was 17! And I can barely bring myself to get rid of them! What's worse is that the clutter, disorganisation, and lack of routine means that the house is not only untidy, but also filthy. I'm so embarrassed.

Anyway, I've bitten the bullet and agreed to sort it out once and for all. I'm going to do a daily post. Maybe one in the morning and a follow-up in the evening. And I'll share before and after photos when I feel I can. Please, please let me know if this should be on a different board, but I hope I'll get a little support and feel accountable to someone other than my poor DH.

My 5yo has a birthday this month, so it would be really lovely to have made progress by then.I'll start tomorrow.x

You’re doing so well OP. And sounds like you’ve had a busy few days! Can you believe you’ve stuck to it for almost an entire month now?!

I have guests this weekend, so doing a crazy clean and wishing I was better at sticking at it so it wasn't such a stressful nightmare to get through. I'm really going to try take a leaf out of your book OP.

Catching up! The list:

• reset living room, dining room, kitchen (ongoing)
• pick up Christmas Tree on Thursday (delivered Sunday)
• put up decorations on Thursday night (Sunday)
• rearrange bookshelves (possible declutter 😰) on Friday (Sunday)
• I'm going to sort through the clothes and donate 50% I've sorted in my head
• DH will help me photograph and list the expensive items
• declutter DS1's toys on Sunday to make space for new birthday and Christmas presents
• DH to list TV and unit on Freecycle (TV collected, unit to be donated)
• DH to return unused party supplies
• I'm going to pull together all the leftover party stuff and either list as a bundle or for free

Day 28 (Thu 30 Nov)
Didn't do much today. Took DS1 swimming after school. DH not well, so did more home stuff. We did sort through DS1's birthday presents. I ordered a winter coat! Looking forward to getting rid of my other many coats! Realistically, I wear one coat pretty much everywhere.

Day 29 (Fri 1 Dec)
PTFA jobs morning and evening. Finally listed a couple of the original decluttered kitchen items on eBay (£5 bid already!) and Facebook (no interest). It took ages, but I was feeling nervous about getting it right. I think it'll get quicker and easier the more I do. 🤞

Day 30 (Sat 2 Dec)
Really busy day. DS1 has a club on Saturday mornings, then (because he'd refused his nasal flu vaccination at school) we had a trip to a clinic. DH took him in and said it was really traumatic 😢 but DS1 was very proud of himself. I hope it was the right thing to do to make him get it done. DS2 is 8mo, so can't be vaccinated yet and DH's dad is living with cancer, so we're mindful of them as well as DS1. There are so many viruses going around at school atm!

It was a really big day for us because DS1 finally had an appointment at the community paediatric clinic. They are referring him for an autistic spectrum disorder assessment, which is fantastic! Hopefully, he'll be diagnosed by the end of Year 1.🤞Home to walk MIL's dog, I picked up fish & chips, we watched Inside Out 😭 and Strictly.

Day 31 (Dec 3)
I had a massive lie-in! 😅 Christmas tree was delivered, and DH wanted to rearrange the bookshelves, so I decluttered them! I very rarely declutter books as I love them all and have massive sentimental value attached to them. It went really well though! I've been thinking about decluttering for so long now, that I knew how I was going to tackle them, and feel really confident that I haven't been too ruthless.

• pulled out books that I don't like, but that have been gifted or I picked up for free somehow
• DS1 checked them and sorted them into 'keep' and 'donate' piles
• pulled out books that belong to other people ( DH's mum, DH's auntie, and my mum)
• kept 1st editions, signed copies, sentimental value, unusual/difficult to replace, loved by DS, and anything that I would buy again

There are still loads of books, but I've got a massive pile to clear. 🏆 I've found an MSE guide to selling books, so I'm going to do what I can to get something for them. Will donate them if they're worth less than £3-5 on eBay.

Photos!

Before and after.

The empty shelves used to have the DVDs and the other things that DH has moved around the house 😫 But he's tidied the cables and we've turned it into a little book corner for DS1. 😍

Our tree definitely looks less wonky IRL! 😂 I moved some children's books here from another shelf opposite, but the other side of the room is yet to be tackled.

More photos!

Books to go. 3 piles for family members, a bag for the charity shop, and a big pile of stuff to list/donate.

Morning op - you are making huge progress - winning the war over the battle. The book declutter with your boy is great - my kids are older and I found modelling letting go really got them going with not wanting to live knee deep in stuff. Dd2 is v keen on decluttering theee days.

Keep meaning to post there are 3 seasons of Nick Knowles Big house declutter (title is something like that) on channel 5 streaming. He takes on worse hoarders than Stacey. Presenter wise I love Stacey so much but the actual content is better on Nick and the cheap diy tips. I've been binging xx

Brilliant photos.

It helped me to declutter books when I realised that I didn't have to keep books that Id really enjoyed but would never read again. My problem is that I remember the story in detail for YEARS afterwards so don't want to reread it. But I enjoyed it so why would I get rid of it???

Realising that helped me declutter loads.

I also have a pile of books. Ive given myself a date to read them by. If I haven't, then they will go.

I only occasionally regret getting rid of books. Moving forward we got dd1 (the 11/10 reader) a kindle and encourage library use. If you model you can order and reserve books in the library to the dc that helps a lot too.

How are you doing op?

I've declutterred a bookshelf today and sent a box to the chazza with dp.

I grew up in a house with loads of books and I ended up discovering authors, reading classics etc because they were there, so I think I've always kind of wanted to give DCs the same opportunity.

Like you OP, just had DS's 6th birthday, and have some new big playmobil/lego sets to find better homes for, and would like to set things up so kallax in our living room is less overcrowded and easier for kids to use.

How are you doing OP?

@pastypirate @TadpolesInPool @prettygirlincrimsonrose

Thanks so much for checking in. I haven't been updating the thread as regularly, but still read all the replies and take in all the advice. 🥰

I was a bookseller for more than 10 years after leaving school and I collected books through my 20s. A significant chunk of my pay went on books every month - it seems wild to me now how much I would spend! I really love children's books in particular, but sticking to my decluttering questions made it a lot easier. We use the library regularly and DS loves it there, so books at home tend to be the ones that are either beautiful or read over and over, which makes them hard to part with. I'm doing it though! And it's not been the end of the world! 😅

I found modelling letting go really got them going with not wanting to live knee deep in stuff I have been amazed at DS' response to decluttering. He is totally on board, really decisive, and seems to find it all a lot easier than I am! 😳

Currently watching Nick Knowles Big house declutter. It's not as friendly as Sort Your Life Out, but the houses look more like my kind of clutter. 😅

I realised that I didn't have to keep books that Id really enjoyed but would never read again. I've found this* *really helpful. My DH is so tired hearing about books that I read years ago, but still haven't reread. I actually think that sorting through them is helping me to decide what I actually want to read. I'm even decluttering books I've never read 😨 because I am realising that I'll never have time to read them all and they aren't all top of my list!

I think I've always kind of wanted to give DCs the same opportunity. I also loved* *growing up surrounded by books, was a prolific reader, and so is DS. I've actually spoken with DH about how we will manage the books in the future, as I know I will continue to buy them and be bought them by friends and family. He wants one in one out, which is fair but I know I'll find hard. As they grow up, hopefully the book collection will reflect their age - I'm going to try not to hang on to anything they've outgrown. 🤞

kallax we've got units in DS' bedroom and 2 living areas! DS now has all his Lego in the bedroom - out of reach of 8mo... 😰

I managed to delete another thread in progress 😭

So, quick catch up. Did nothing all week. 😅 Really struggling even to reset atm. DH and I are both really tired from the busy weekends, DH's work, and DS2 not sleeping well. He came down with a cold today, which is probably why he's been such hard work all week (DS2 not DH 😂). 8mo old, so definite separation anxiety. He's wanting me more than DH, so I've been pretty hands off everything else this week. 🙈

Day 36 (Fri 8 Dec)
DH and I have realised that we can get stuff done on Fridays! DH tends to have more free time and DS1 is picked up by MIL, so we have the house to ourselves (and DS2) until 7pm.

We decided to fill the car and do a big charity shop run! I sorted through the Christmas boxes (still downstairs 🙈) and bagged any decorations that we aren't using - some were lovely, but they don't fit our décor anymore. DH went through all the Christmas cards and kept ones with names and addresses, sentimental value and recycled the rest - I'm having to trust him not be too ruthless, but I didn't double check them, so I must! 😂

Then I decided to give up on trying to sell most of the book pile I had created last week. I bagged everything but hardbacks and uncorrected proof copies. Felt very anxious, but knew I wouldn't regret it once they were gone - and I don't! 🏆

We cleared the TV unit, which had collected clutter other than the Christmas boxes 🙈 and donated it to the Men's Shed after dropping off the bags of donations in town. So now the old TV and unit are both gone, and the only books left over from last week's decluttering belong to other people. Family Christmas party tomorrow night, so perfect opportunity!

We got back at lunchtime and then decided to walk into town to drop off some returns (Spar, Post Office and Argos!) and then popped to Aldi for the weekend shop. Resisted the call of the middle aisles. 🏆

Late afternoon, DH checked eBay and he's sold a couple of items listed last weekend. He listed a good quality Christmas tree topper that we replaced with a clip on star this year 😅 and a games console that he's replaced with the PS5.🤞I still haven't sold the baby item I'd listed on Facebook, so think I am going to donate it now. I gave it a week!

Final job was to start collecting together the toys for DS1 to sort through tomorrow. He came home and immediately picked one item to keep and another to go. We've only collected half, but I think this will be sorted and listed/donated this weekend!

Will update tomorrow and Sunday, as I'm really confident that we'll get loads done. I am determined to reset downstairs now that the TV and unit are gone! 🎉

Photos!

• 4 bags of books and a bag of Christmas stuff donated to a charity shop
• this half of the toys have been moved from DS' bedroom and added to the birthday pile (still there) in the living room. The rest are in the front room, but we'll put them all in one place and sort them with DS1 tomorrow.

That's amazing getting everything out the house OP! And you're still motivated which is half the battle.

Re books, I'm an avid reader as is DH, and Ds1. We have hundreds of books but have also got rid of hundreds.

As I said above, lots of books that I really enjoyed but will never read again.

Plus my tastes have changed a lot so I've let some books go.

The biggest change was moving to kindles. Brilliant for DS1 as he devours books. DH isn't as keen but likes it for travelling and holidays.

I would prefer real books but financially and space wise, the kindle is really good. And right now I'm in a season of life where I need it to be easy to tidy and clean my house. And that's more important right now than physical books.

Currently watching Nick Knowles Big house declutter. It's not as friendly as Sort Your Life Out, but the houses look more like my kind of clutter. 😅

I agree it's not as friendly but he's braver in who he (the producers really) take on. I find he's more of an enabler in his quite blunt way. I also like when he goes back a year later. I think it has a 3 pronged approach with the selling etc and the house valuation.

The best bit about all this is your dh getting right on board and sharing the task. Really that's brilliant xxxx

I'm holding on tight to this thread. My house isn't too bad but I have to clear mums house in the next few months (passed away) and the caravan we jointly own so both can be let. This will be mammoth. Different I know to decluttering your own house but hard anyway. Mum cluttered the van like you can't imagine. I found duvets with name tapes from when I was at boarding school! And st michael bedding!!!! The caravan was a huge dumping ground despite it being tiny and only ever needing to sleep 6, not 20!

This thread has been inspirational. I can't believe how much you've done in a month. I could never declutter this quickly it would make me anxious, but I've loved following the journey because I feel it's an example of how things ought to be. Perhaps I will be a little bit braver at getting on with it in future and not need to spend so much time questioning each decision to keep/let go.

This thread is really helping me - slow progress but I feel like I’m finally going in the right direction.

How are you doing op?

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. DS2 has been really poorly with a virus. His temp was reaching 40C but couldn't take Calpol or Nurofen without vomiting, he was really not himself on Sunday (refusing food, continuous crying, then really quiet) so we ended up in A&E. They gave him paracetamol suppositories which helped. He's just been breastfeeding non-stop since, so I haven't left the sofa and have managed to get some sleep when he's conked out enough for me to put him in the cot for a couple of hours. We've made it through the other side now, so I'll be able to update on the progress we made on the weekend (before he got really sick).

Kids! 😭❤️

Sorry about your DS2 OP. Glad he's through the worst of it.

You don't owe us any updates (though I love seeing the progress! ). Just know that there are people cheering you on!

I had slowed down and only decluttered obvious things recently (like too small clothes) but thanks to you I'm slowly tackling the horror areas like our basement. Today I'm ditching an extension lead that is broken and a very old, yellowing landline phone. Takes ages to get DH to agree on things like this! (He still isn't with me getting rid of an old, mouldy handle, broken string tennis racket...even though we have at least 3 others that are used weekly 🤦‍♀️)

im sorry your wee boy has been unwell. Glad he’s on the mend and you haven’t caught it.

I agree with above, you don’t owe us any updates but we are still here to cheer you on!

It's Friday! 🎉 Definitely my favourite day because DH and I usually get so much done. 😊

Day 37 - 42 (Sat 9 Dec - Thu 14 Dec)
I genuinely can't remember what we did on which days, but DS1 has gone through all his toys. 🏆 I'm really proud of him. He kept more than we would have liked, but was really decisive! It was amazing!

He had an overflowing box of cars and it took about 3 days to go through it. DH played a car park / dump game and DS1 went through every car, talking about why he loved it 🥰 or why it could go to the dump. It was brilliant!

DH and I had pulled together a pile of random naff bits and bobs, like squishy toys and tiny plastic things, which we very nearly just got rid of. DS remembered where everything came from and kept little things my mum had gifted him, like a little plastic frog and a squishy pig. I'm really pleased we gave him the opportunity to look through it all and trusted him to declutter.

Unexpected emotional moment for me was when he decided to declutter his Bing figurines. Bing was his absolute favourite from age 2 until 4/5, and I was really upset! DS asked why I was crying and I said it was because they reminded me of when he was a little boy, but that he was making a really good decision. He gave me a kiss and a lovely cuddle, and I told him that I was very proud of him. 😭❤️

He was also very sweet about keeping things for DS2 and kept finding things that he'd outgrown but that he thought DS2 would like. We've kept a lot for DS2, but he's 8mo and we've managed buying nothing for him at all, so feel it is worth holding on to good quality toys that we would only go and buy again.

DH listed DVDs on music magpie (£6 for about 30 DVDs) and has a few bags to take to CEX. We only kept Lord of the Rings (director's cut which we watch every year), Star Wars (DH's Blu-ray set) and Polar Express (our Christmas tradition with DS).

Photos!

• toys before/ in progress
• sorted piles of DVDs

Edit: DH and I had already sorted through the toys that we wanted to keep for DS2, so this was the potential decluttering pile.