Taking two weeks off work for mental health during fertility treatment - what to do with the time?

[SplishSplash123]

I'm taking 2 weeks off work due to physical and mental side effects of fertility treatment. I've already made this decision after discussing with my DH and will call my manager on Monday morning to explain, as well as getting a Fit Note later this week. I'm not here to debate the merits of whether I should have the time off; just sharing this for context, in particular the fact that it's time-limited (I may need further time off in a few weeks if things dont work out - or pregnancy sickness if it does, but will cross that bridge when I get there - right now, two weeks is enough to get me through this current stage).

I've never taken time off for sickness before unless Ive been physically too unwell to work. I would therefore have been in bed, resting or asleep.

Although I do need some time to rest (I already have a toddler so will be prioritising some rest time each morning and before nursery pick-up!), I don't really know how to fill the rest of my days in a way that will stop me feeling guilty about not working, keep me distracted enough to keep my anxiety about the treatment at bay but also not run myself into the ground. There is a huge temptation to write a massive to do list and try to plough through it, which I think won't be helpful. I don't want friends/family to know about the treatment at this point, so won't be able to see anyone and my husband goes out to work all day so I'll be home on my own.

Would love some advice/shared experience from anyone who's taken time off work for mental health, please - what did you do, what helped (or didn't) etc?

How is my behaviour terrible or bullying? You are the one who has asked for help and then been rude and abrasive to most the responders.

Based on the amount of likes I've had on my posts I dont think the majority agree with you.

If I've got facts wrong it's because you haven't explained the situation properly. It's not a hallucination - I've gone off your descriptions and what you have said.

I'm not going to be responding further. If you are struggling with anxiety and mental health I would suggest arguing with people on mumsnet probably isn't helping you.

I will respond only to point out that I "haven't explained the situation properly" because me needing time off work was not an aspect I wanted to discuss here - I only asked for advice on what to do during that time. I am not obliged to explain why I need the time off work, and my lack of explanation does not give you licence to make up facts to suit your own agenda. You know full well that there is nothing in my posts that matches the two things I have pointed out are not true.

Your behaviour is bullying because you are trying to make me feel bad. There is an option to scroll past posts if you have nothing helpful to add and don't like what the poster is saying. Try that next time.

I'm sorry you had such a bad time too! I really wish people would go and look up the side effects of the drugs used in IVF procedures before jumping to conclusions about how they might impact people.

Thank you, I really appreciate your input and helpful suggestions.

I went through IVF over 30 years ago. I dare say procedures and drugs have changed since then; but I distinctly remember how, as I approached egg collection, I felt like my brain could barely function. Everyday activities became hard. I felt so sleepy, I needed a nap in the afternoons. If it’s still the same in those respects, I am not at all surprised OP feels she can’t work at a desk job.

I also remember the massive stress - the desperation for a baby, knowing how much it costs, the embarrassment and indignity of regular transvaginal scans and the low success rate? It’s not mental illness; but imo it’s reasonable to say you can’t work, under such stress. It’s a pinch point in life!

I don’t what OP’s hobbies are and as iirc, I struggled to read a book by then; but I’d say get as much rest as you can, watch TV, go out for a nice coffee to be among people or do a simple hobby.

(I had twins at the first attempt)

PS - imo, OP is wise to take time off, before she slides into depression, anxiety, etc.

Afternoon, everyone. We just wanted to stick our heads round the door to ask if we could get this thread back on track, to helping the OP with suggestions for helpful ways to spend her time while off work.

We understand that people may have opinions on when it is and isn't right to take time off but we don't think the place for that is on a support thread on the mental health boards. If the OP had posted in AIBU that would be completely different, of course. We understand that conversations may 'wander' and develop sometimes but we'd like to get the thread back to a positive place if we can. Thanks!

I thought that as well. Amazing the disparity between private and public sector.
I don't know how some of us in the private sector survived. 🙄

Hi OP - best of luck with the IVF and it sounds very sensible to take the time off. Hopefully the weather will be nice and you can spend some time outside, gentle exercise, reading nice books/watching nice films.

Avoid anything that might stress you - like social media (except cute animal videos) or indeed reading posts by the minority of posters on MN who enjoy being recreationally vile. Seriously - there is no need to reply to these people.

Hope your manager was supportive this morning OP and you had a lovely relaxing morning

@HebeMumsnetthank you for posting this, I think lots of us have found some of the responses to the OP quite upsetting to read.
@SplishSplash123I hope you’re doing ok, what you’re going through is so difficult, it can feel really isolating but hopefully the helpful comments here have shown you’re not alone, lots of us have been where you are and are sending you best wishes on your journey. Take care of yourself (and do try reflexology if you get the chance! It really was the only time I switched off during IVF).

It might have gotten lost in the noise but making bread can be a good option, maybe even sourdough. Takes times, just enough thought needed and a bit of physical with the kneading . Very mindful and fulfilling and tasty!

Oh wow, you remember it all so well from 30 years ago! So pleased it worked out for you first time, congratulations on 3 decades of being a mum.

I'm not sure how different things are now in terms of medication but sounds like similar effects (I know they dont often do more than one embryo in a transfer so less chance of twins now!) I keep meaning to watch Joy, have you seen it?

Thanks for pointing out some of the other aspects of the process that add to the mental strain - it's so easy to gloss over things like the internal scans, but they really do add up.

Appreciate your suggestions and kind words too - thank you

Thank you @HebeMumsnet appreciate your wise words and support in removing the worst of the comments on here.

Thank you for your best wishes, really appreciate it!

I read your post yesterday and took your advice to stay away. Had a good chat with my counsellor today about the fact that some people just choose to be horrible and nothing said or done to them will change that; their opinions are not relevant to the validity of my needs!

Thanks so much, so kind of you to check in. And you too @AnotherDayAnotherWay

I wrote down a list of everyone's suggestions on Sunday night - including the sourdough thank you @Kepler22B I haven't tried that before but my daughter loves bread so a great chance to try making her some homemade stuff.

Ive taken it slow so far, and I did sleep better last night than I've done in a while. My manager was very good about everything and I think that gave me a lot of relief to get that conversation over with; in hindsight, I wish I'd spoken to him on Friday instead of having it hanging over me at the weekend as I think that only added to my worries.

Counselling today has helped me process some of the feelings too - I talked about feeling so different this time round to my previous IVF experiences, but all I can remember of those is feeling quite numb at times. It helped me realise that there are some repressed emotions resurfacing right now, which does help me to understand (and not feel guilty about) not "coping" as well this time.

I'm not going to return to this thread now as I have had some brilliant advice and don't want to risk any further negative interactions at a time when I'm feeling vulnerable.

I just wanted to end on a really positive note and say a huge thank you to everyone who had helpful suggestions and kind words, really appreciate you taking the time to share ideas and experiences with me and remind me that there are still some people using the Internet to do good things!!