Taking two weeks off work for mental health during fertility treatment - what to do with the time?

[SplishSplash123]

I'm taking 2 weeks off work due to physical and mental side effects of fertility treatment. I've already made this decision after discussing with my DH and will call my manager on Monday morning to explain, as well as getting a Fit Note later this week. I'm not here to debate the merits of whether I should have the time off; just sharing this for context, in particular the fact that it's time-limited (I may need further time off in a few weeks if things dont work out - or pregnancy sickness if it does, but will cross that bridge when I get there - right now, two weeks is enough to get me through this current stage).

I've never taken time off for sickness before unless Ive been physically too unwell to work. I would therefore have been in bed, resting or asleep.

Although I do need some time to rest (I already have a toddler so will be prioritising some rest time each morning and before nursery pick-up!), I don't really know how to fill the rest of my days in a way that will stop me feeling guilty about not working, keep me distracted enough to keep my anxiety about the treatment at bay but also not run myself into the ground. There is a huge temptation to write a massive to do list and try to plough through it, which I think won't be helpful. I don't want friends/family to know about the treatment at this point, so won't be able to see anyone and my husband goes out to work all day so I'll be home on my own.

Would love some advice/shared experience from anyone who's taken time off work for mental health, please - what did you do, what helped (or didn't) etc?

There is new legislation beong brought in that allows all women suffering pregnancy loss before 24 weeks two weeks off (unpaid), and this includes women who have unsuccessful IVF.
Personally I would not have taken it (couldn't have afforded to), but at least it is now going to be an option.
I was a primary teacher over the time I suffered my two early losses (one around 10 weeks, the other a little earlier). I took no time off and it was very challenging dealing with it from a practical pov as obviously couldn't leave the classroom unless break time or lunch time. Emotionally also hard too - I told noone 😞

I'm so sorry for your experience. It is so common for women to feel they can't tell people at work, and I can't imagine how hard it would be to have to teach children all day while going through such physical and mental pain 💐

It is great that the new legislation is coming in to help people deal with this - though it has its limitations, due to it being unpaid, it is still helpful to have it as an option (alongside sick leave, which is also available for miscarriage).

@SplishSplash123 So your conditions give you special privileges do they? That others do your work for you! I can see why small employers don’t like employing some people and why the state picks up a huge tab for this. I have never ever known anyone to plan to fake sick leave. You don’t even know if you are ill yet! And no, you won’t get me to shut up.

Good grief, are you okay? You're very angry about someone you've never met amd your reading comprehension skills seem pretty poor too.

Why do you think that I think my condition gives me "special" privileges? I've already explained that my employer has a fertility treatment policy and that I know I am privileged to have access to this; also privileged to have paid sick leave and an understanding manager. I will come back to more work as a result of taking time off; my manager will only cover some key issues while I'm off (as we all do for each other when we're on annual leave, it's not that unusual to cover for others!)

I am already unwell, I struggled through the last week at work and know its going to get worse over the next two weeks as my anxiety increased and hormone levels rise. I explained in my original post that I wasn't looking to debate the need for sick leave - I don't need to justify or explain the full situation to Mumsnet, I only included some details to give context which might have been helpful to the posters who are actually helping with useful suggestions. You can take it as read that I am not capable of working tomorrow.

All to say, I don't owe you this reply but it makes me really sad to think someone in a similar situation to me could come across this thread and see responses from you (and the other handful of unkind posters) and doubt their own situation.

Please think before being cruel to people you don't know, based on a few select facts and your own prejudices. This is the mental heath board and your words can cause real harm to real people.

Another person here who can’t get their head around the fact that you are wondering why to do when you are off sick with stress? Either you are mentally unwell in which case rest at home to get better or ask for reasonable adjustments during your treatment and reduce your hours as it seems you are capable of doing somethings, it’s full time that’s the strain.

annual leave is for normal life stuff strain. People have proper serious mental illness, life stress especially due to elective medical procedures isn’t mental illness as far as I’m concerned but asking for a bit of leeway seems more proportional

Ignoring the less than helpful comments you've made about "elective medical procedures" ...

I considered requesting a workplace adjustment for reduced hours/duties, but due to the nature of my role I don't think this will be as effective in helping my anxiety as a full break from work. Appreciate it may be the right answer for some people though.

I will be resting at home essentially, it was a question about how to make the time restful but also occupy myself enough not to dwell on things. Some posters have given helpful suggestions in this regard. I fully appreciate that, for some people, being off work sick for mental health would essentially involve not leaving their bed all day and I'm very grateful I'm not in that state right now. But for others, they are capable of doing some things and it is those people I am asking to give me some suggestions.

Are you friends with any of the nursery mums - see if someone wants to go for a coffee or walk after drop off?

This is what I was thinking. It's elective and could be avoided, so pretty amazing that you can have paid time off for it. I hope they give women paid time off for periods, which aren't a choice!

Resist the urge to use the time productively!

💯 agree with recommendations to cosy up with feel good or even just binge worthy tv series & movies.

It’s good you find cooking therapeutic, maybe time to try some new recipes? I also find it can totally occupy my mind.

And can you get out in the gorgeous autumn? My passion is visiting national trust properties and I actually rediscovered that during the fertility journey, it was the only thing to take my mind off of it

Everyone is different but think about what the things you really were drawn to as a kid (for me that was still old houses and imagining stories about who lived there) and try to tap into that.

Or do some local tourist things. What are sites / attractions visitors to your area would do but when we are busy with our lives never get around to

Treat yourself to some nice new bath/shower products

Solo tasty lunch or cake & coffee (or both!) in a local restaurant

I’m not sure what stage of treatment you’re at. I had endo surgery and then an egg retrieval starting 10 days after. I think the hormonal crash from the retrieval probably took about 6 weeks to wear off (I remember randomly crying and not being able to go into a party a month after? Two hours later I was like what was all that about!). My doctor said expect the new 2 or 3 periods to be bumpy. But it was a curve not a straight line recovery.

Taking this down time is a really good call. You’re doing the right thing xx

If you are struggling with your mental health, surely you will do as little or as much as your condition allows.
One friend literally couldn't get out of bed, yet another pounded the streets in the dead of night to try and escape their demons.
How can internet randoms possibly know how bad your mental health is?

Sleep , watch netflix, go for some walks, bake a cake just do things that make you happy

@SplishSplash123just an afterthought too, maybe don’t try to overly structure your days? Have a list of things you might like to do during this time and you can then refer back to it and dip in and out depending on what you feel like doing on a particular day xx

Would you find having spare time not gives you more time to be anxious? Could you arrange an alternative work pattern or reduced working instead? Is there an interesting work project you could do at home? That might give some structure to the day, reduce working instead related guilt and keep your brain busy?

Start a sour dough starter -baking bread is very mindful. There is a reason it became so popular in covid!

You know nothing about op or her medical history. I struggle with mental illness (bipolar and bpd) and I know full well when im about to get ill after decades of these illnesses you recognise the signs. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and have a reset before things go to far and you end up off for months which doesn't benefit anyone.

This is such a strange question. Surely only you know what makes you feel better? Working is often recommended as a distraction anyway so unless you really hate your job, I'm not sure why you want to be distracted from not working.

This really. If you need to rest then just rest - your body will know what it's capable of while you're off sick.

I can't get my head around your approach either. Are you planning to phone in sick tomorrow, then also try and see your GP tomorrow (if you're able to get an appointment) and request a one off fit note for 2 weeks - if f they will give you that? Not every GP will do that without trying other approaches first. Or are you self certifying for the standard 7 days and asking for a fit note for a few days. If so, check your GP will give you that.

Can you not use your A/L for this break?

I think some people haven’t experienced the pain of infertility and how gruelling physically, mentally and emotionally IVF can be. It is a very specific set of circumstances.

Or what an impact stress can have on how the journey goes.

I’m glad you have a compassionate employer and wish you all the best with your journey.

It worked for us and I’m so glad that I followed the advice to not work during the two week window, as I would have been an absolute wreck trying to function normally during that time.

Take care of yourself and definitely do some acupuncture and reflexology if you can! It really can help.

Come on its fertility treatment she's not having her lips done

Having read all this i would think once the physical ef the treatment are over this is annual leave not sick leave, its a planned time for you to take it easy. Good luck with the treatment

I've beeb through IVF three times (it all failed) and don't understand the mentality of needing to take time off work? Yes it's tough, but surely it's better to keep your routine, rather than sitting round dwelling on things

Paid sick leave is available for anyone who is too unwell to work.
There are also options to look at workplace adjustments e.g. I know someone who is allowed to work from home during her period due to the issues she has, and she will use the flexi leave policy to work longer days at other times of the month meaning she only has to do 6 hour days during the worst couple of days. She will take sick leave if needed, but largely the adjustments help her to cope while still meeting the requirements of her role.

I'm sorry OP but I agree with others. You are using your sick leave like it's holiday. If you work for the civil service then the taxpayer is funding your job. No wonder the country is going down the drain.

If you want two weeks off take annual leave. Otherwise you should be working unless you can't.

You also seem to be gearing up for more sick leave if you lose the pregnancy or get pregnant. Understandable in a loss but you shouldn't be assuming you will need time off work in the first trimester?

Anyway some ideas for your two week holiday:

• Puzzle
• Get stuck into a book/series
• Lots of nice walks/nature
• Go out for a coffee somewhere new
• Order some photos and make some albums up
• Watch lots of movies/series
• Learn to crochet/knit
• Baking

I'm sorry your IVF failed, but please have some compassion for not everyone being the same as you. I didn't need to take sick leave during any previous treatment cycles; but I was capable of unferstanding that some women might need to, and now my specific circumstances at the moment mean I do need to take sick leave.

I can confirm I am too unwell to work at the moment. Some people need time off for morning sickness in the first trimester, hopefully I won't (I didn't last time, I managed to struggle through).

Thank you for your suggestions, even if overall tone of your message was rude and judgemental.

Why would I use annual leave when I am too unwell to work? My anxiety is affecting my ability to do my job properly.

I'll sort out a Fit Note later this weekas can self certify for 7 days. My GP should be capable of understanding the position; thankfully they have more knowledge (and critical thinking skills) than the uninformed posters on this thread.