Taking two weeks off work for mental health during fertility treatment - what to do with the time?

[SplishSplash123]

I'm taking 2 weeks off work due to physical and mental side effects of fertility treatment. I've already made this decision after discussing with my DH and will call my manager on Monday morning to explain, as well as getting a Fit Note later this week. I'm not here to debate the merits of whether I should have the time off; just sharing this for context, in particular the fact that it's time-limited (I may need further time off in a few weeks if things dont work out - or pregnancy sickness if it does, but will cross that bridge when I get there - right now, two weeks is enough to get me through this current stage).

I've never taken time off for sickness before unless Ive been physically too unwell to work. I would therefore have been in bed, resting or asleep.

Although I do need some time to rest (I already have a toddler so will be prioritising some rest time each morning and before nursery pick-up!), I don't really know how to fill the rest of my days in a way that will stop me feeling guilty about not working, keep me distracted enough to keep my anxiety about the treatment at bay but also not run myself into the ground. There is a huge temptation to write a massive to do list and try to plough through it, which I think won't be helpful. I don't want friends/family to know about the treatment at this point, so won't be able to see anyone and my husband goes out to work all day so I'll be home on my own.

Would love some advice/shared experience from anyone who's taken time off work for mental health, please - what did you do, what helped (or didn't) etc?

Watch feel.good films,funny series etc. meet up with friends (if not working) and get out into nature. Anything to get you to relax and increase the endorphins! Took time off during fertility treatment and I've a near 2 year old now. Definitely worth it if your job is stressful and with another kid,I did collect my other early a few times to do things with him too

Thanks very much for sharing. I hardly watch TV on my own anymore so that's a nice idea, I have a few series saved that DH isn't interested in, so I could definitely enjoy watching those!
Glad to hear your treatment worked out

Okay, I’m going to ask, but obviously you don’t have to answer

Did you check in advance that your manager will be okay with this? I mean, like any kind of heads up that you’re having the treatment and you’ve got concerns?

it just amazes me that you can say it with so much confidence.

I’m probably showing my age. I’ve had long term mental health issues and never took time off work. Also had lots of physical health issues and had to take time off work but of course that’s much more straightforward in terms of explaining it to a manager.

I mostly went freelance because I just couldn’t cope with the demands of a workplace any more but the changes are clearly massive! I dream of a job with private healthcare care. So when I had a nervous breakdown, I didn’t really have to explain myself too much and to be honest, I blamed it on issues with my mum’s care. But largely , I had to do quite a lot and my doctor was a bit horrified, but what can you do? I obviously didn’t want to let down or lose clients.

also, when I was off in that situation, I was in the such state I couldn’t even be. People who are familiar with anxiety and depression will know what I mean. So some of it I was like “ I can’t even be” and some of it, I was asleep because it was a constant adrenaline rollercoaster and crash.

I hope it goes well for you. I don’t really know what to say in terms of suggestions because it’s such a specific situation and you don’t know how you’ll feel in terms of physical side-effects.

I don’t think you need a gp’s sick note for the first seven days, you can self-certify. You can’t guarantee the gp will sign you off for the second week.

I think @Allmydays2 has listed some good suggestions.

I'm a bit confused about what I need to check with my manager? Like I need to have permission to have a sickness absence? Or to be having fertility treatment?

I am very lucky that I work in the civil service and we have specific HR policies. I get paid time off for all fertility treatment appointments, so my manager knows I'm having treatment.

However, no one in any job needs "permission" to take sick leave. I appreciate my privilege in having paid time off, and in being able to share the real reasons without it impacting my career progression (but also, those are some of the benefits of CS - which are balanced out by lower pay and no bonuses vs doing my role in the private sector).

I'm sorry to hear you've suffered with your mental health and I can appreciate it must be very hard having those in a freelance role.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Please don't feel the need to justify taking time off to people on here if you don't want to. You know you best and if you need time off then take it.

I was off for 3 months due to depression. A lot of the days for me were about survival. Once I started to improve I did simple things to fill my cup, like having a cup of tea in the garden. Once I had enough energy I'd borrow a dog to take for a walk, so something creative, read a book, have a massage.

Slow time really helped me. Resting is important too, especially if you get little time to do that otherwise.

Ive never heard of anyone being refused a fit note for mental health, and obviously there are physical effects here too - I'm on two types of hormone drugs with a very long list of side effects. I appreciate its not "guaranteed", but you seem to be suggesting they wouldn't believe me?

No, it’s actually easier. Also, I’m not overloaded.

Sorry if I wasn’t clear enough. I just meant you seem so confident that you’re phoning your manager and it will be okay. I’ve never had a manager who made me feel like it would be okay. In fact, one place I worked at someone did declare her mental health issues and it was a nightmare. Every time she called in sick, they would quiz her like she was lying about having a bad cold. It was terrible.

also the two week thing confused me because it sounded like you were going to ask for two weeks upfront, but that’s probably me being silly.

Sounds like your situation is much better, which is great, fingers crossed it all goes well for you.

I took some time off during IVF because stress can impact fertility treatment and I’m an anxious person at the best of times. It really helped me to have some time where things felt less hectic, as it is difficult juggling medical appointments, meds side effects etc.

I enjoyed being able to cook a bit more (eg batch cook), read, go for walks, go for a swim etc. I also tried reflexology- this and or acupuncture can be really good to help relax you for treatment.

wishing you all the best with your fertility treatment.

Probably not if you actually rang up and said I need two weeks off. That makes it sound like a planned holiday rather than taking it day by day to see if you’re actually unwell?

So for example take the paid time off you are due with your job for your treatment. Then every day after consider if you can go in or not. First week you don’t need a GP note but you’d have to presumably keep your manager updated. I remember my friend having about 3 days off with a fertility procedure and then anaesthetic wearing off etc and then it was the weekend and she then went back to work.

If you then get to the next week/few days and feel extremely depressed or something then obviously ring in again and get a note from your GP and ask them to sign you off for a few days.

I don’t think you can ask for that in advance as you haven’t got there yet.

Id spend the time cooking things I enjoy, watching tv, sitting in the garden. Reading if you like that ? I mean it’s hard to say though as if your mental health is that bad you may not be able to get out of bed etc or want to do much. See friends?

Ah I see what you mean. Yes I am lucky that my workplace/manager are very understanding (as all workplaces/managers should be, but sadly I know this is not often the experience).

I was planning to tell them I expect to be off for 2 weeks. It helps my manager to plan workload. I do appreciate in a lot of instances, someone needing to take sick leave due to mental health would be very unlikely to know exactly how long they need. I guess the easiest way of describing my situation is to say that it is anxiety tied to a specific process, and once part of the process is over then the anxiety (and the anxiety about having anxiety, and the negative effects I feel that this could have on my treatment...) will subside enough for me to return to work.

Thank you for sharing and for your kind words.
I think "slow time" is exactly what I need. Gentle, slow living; enough distraction to keep anxious thoughts at bay, but enough time to rest and keep my cortisol levels low.
I enjoy cooking and time outdoors. I think a little daily routine of some time watching TV or reading after nursery drop off, followed by some gardening or a walk in the park, some cooking/baking in the afternoon then a lie down before little one gets home from nursery is probably a good starting point. Gives my days some direction without overloading me.
I think a nice massage would be a lovely treat too, and a positive way of doing something nice for my body that I wouldn't do for a long time if the treatment is successful.

I'm glad to hear your time off helped you to improve and I hope you're doing okay now.

Thanks for sharing, it does help to know other people have needed time off too - I didn't take any sick leave during the three rounds of treatment I had for our first baby. I think my job role was a lot easier then and I obviously didn't have a child to look after so evenings/weekends involved a lot more downtime. I just seem to be finding everything way harder this time and feel so anxious, but the spiralling as I feel like the anxiety is going to have a negative impact on the treatment. Reflexology/acupuncture is something my clinic offer on the side actually - something I will discuss. Batch cooking is a good idea to make return to work easier, especially if I do get pregnant and feel tired/sick etc.

I hope your treatment worked out and thanks again.

I'm in the public sector too, and yes there are policies, but you can't just decide to have two weeks off sick. Fair enough to take some time while you self certify and see how you do, but what will you do if your GP decides that actually, you're fit for work?

As I've replied to someone above - the two weeks is based on treatment timescales and gives my manager a better idea of planning. Of course I would return earlier if I felt able to, and equally theres a chance I may need more time off - but helpful for me and for work to have a rough idea of time off at the outset.

I think you are perhaps equating this to a general mental health situation - I guess mine is more a situational anxiety which is heightened by medication side effects? I feel I need time off work to alleviate some of my day to day stress and allow me time and space to reduce my anxiety levels. I dont believe it is uncommon for women in my situation to need to do this.

I think your ideas of things to do are great though - thanks for these.

Ive explained the reason for two weeks in previous replies.
From the tone of your reply, I guess you have no experience of going through fertility treatment - lucky you.

A colleague in my team had 21montjs off on sick whilst having ivf, three times (first 2 did not work ) third time produced a lovely son. For which she then had 12 months maternity leave. And 6 weeks holidays that had accrued
During the maternity leave. Almost 3 years off , her mental health was severely affected during treatment. I watched her really suffer, so wish the op well on her journey and hope their employer is as supportive x

Only in the civil service can someone plan to take sick leave and the managers have enough capacity to get the work done by others. You come across as very privileged.

If you’re able to work you should work.

And she got paid for the entire 3 years? There are not many employers who can afford to do that or teams that can manage without a member of staff for all that time.

That isn't what the OP asked, nor is it helpful or relevant.

I'm sorry to hear about your colleague's struggles, thanks for your kind words

I have acknowledged some of the privileges I have in my previous posts. I am not privileged to have an underlying health condition that has, amongst other things, prevented me from conceiving naturally.

You come across as ignorant, uninformed and cruel and your reply does not in any way help. I suggest you stay away from the mental health boards if you are only interested in being mean.

Great advice, you've solved all my issues. Thank goodness you found your way to the mental health board to sort everyone out.

agreed