Taking two weeks off work for mental health during fertility treatment - what to do with the time?

[SplishSplash123]

I'm taking 2 weeks off work due to physical and mental side effects of fertility treatment. I've already made this decision after discussing with my DH and will call my manager on Monday morning to explain, as well as getting a Fit Note later this week. I'm not here to debate the merits of whether I should have the time off; just sharing this for context, in particular the fact that it's time-limited (I may need further time off in a few weeks if things dont work out - or pregnancy sickness if it does, but will cross that bridge when I get there - right now, two weeks is enough to get me through this current stage).

I've never taken time off for sickness before unless Ive been physically too unwell to work. I would therefore have been in bed, resting or asleep.

Although I do need some time to rest (I already have a toddler so will be prioritising some rest time each morning and before nursery pick-up!), I don't really know how to fill the rest of my days in a way that will stop me feeling guilty about not working, keep me distracted enough to keep my anxiety about the treatment at bay but also not run myself into the ground. There is a huge temptation to write a massive to do list and try to plough through it, which I think won't be helpful. I don't want friends/family to know about the treatment at this point, so won't be able to see anyone and my husband goes out to work all day so I'll be home on my own.

Would love some advice/shared experience from anyone who's taken time off work for mental health, please - what did you do, what helped (or didn't) etc?

@SplishSplash123I am sorry to hear you are having a tough time and completely think some time off is a good idea. I think the people commenting have (fortunately for them) never suffered from poor mental health, for whatever reason. If you had broken a bone/having treatment for an illness/had cancer etc no one would think twice about you having time off. Why is mental health not treated as seriously.
you absolutely need to take the time you need and reset. And planning things to do and getting out and about it a great idea.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve met up with a friend in a stressful situation and it can be so good. Even if you end up listening more to their problems - takes your mind off yours!! I can’t imagine anyone would question leave. Just say you’ve got a free morning and shall we go for a catch up! You don’t have to mention the treatment unless you want to. I remember when I had a miscarriage, a week later my friend rang me and said is it ok if I just have a moan to you about something else and I was like go ahead- I need to think about something else!

With the control, I honestly do feel like from what you’ve said that’s likely what it comes down to. I would feel the same :) I remember when I was experiencing bleeding in pregnancy and the dr told me to lie down and rest for a day. Well I carried that on for about a week! Because I could control doing that. Even though they told me the outcome would be what it would be. And I could go back to normal after a day or so. I guess I just felt like if I carry on being as still as possible maybe it will just ‘keep it there.’

I think when something is out of our control we look for the things we can control - even irrationally . I guess it’s human nature!

@lavendervibes It is accommodated! I don’t know where you have been in the last few years?! I think the issue being discussed here is the op is planning to be sick. It’s not something I’d condone or expect an employee to do. The civil service has a poor output record so presumably allows time off at our expense. Other employers would want more proof.

It’s also questionable whether the op will be fit for work at all if her treatment continues. When is time off too much time off? It’s really about what’s reasonable. If this was a small employer it would be catastrophic financially for them. But - no one cares about SMEs and the other employees who then have to step up to cover the work not being done. And, before you say it, employers do plan for standard maternity but not excessive sick leave which can bring a small business to its knees.

I have had mental health issues and have been off ill (unplanned, wasn't able to predict how long I was going to be ill for, had lots on intervention and support from MH services and Occ Health), had infertility treatments, have recently had a member of my team going through IVF. So you're wrong there. Mental ill health and resets are 2 completely different things.

I’m sorry to hear about your troubles but I don’t think “reset” is a fair description of what OP has said. She’s repeatedly explained that she is already suffering significant anxiety during IVF, which has escalated with the medication. Everyone responds differently to fertility treatment (and for reference my clinic told me 48% of women suffer from depression at some point during infertility treatment). Taking sick leave because your mental health is being affected by treatment isn’t the same thing as simply deciding you’d like a couple of weeks off to reset / recharge your batteries

I was quoting another poster - but you're right, significant anxiety needs more than a reset or 2 weeks off, as per my pp.

Oh stop dressing your bullying up - you know as well as I do that you're just trying to say I'm not unwell and don't need time off.

Your mental health struggles and your own infertility treatment are not representative of everyone. Get off the thread.

Thank you. It's very disappointing that people are trying to decide whether or not I need the time off; my thread isn't about that, hence I haven't felt the need to include full details of all the physical and mental impact and why I can't do my job at this time etc.

Your kind words are appreciated though.

Thank you for this - definitely think you're right that it's human nature to need to control something. I also had a bleed last pregnancy and was very cautious afterwards too. It's that need to know you did absolutely everything possible to prevent a bad outcome.

Totally agree that friends and their dramas are a great distraction!

I think if op had worded her original post, she would have got a different response. Ie, I’m off sick due to mental stress and side-effects of fertility treatment, and looking for advice as to what activities would help me during this time.

However, I think that because op has apparently. ‘planned’ her mental stress, then people have reacted differently, as if seems she could switch on and off when she’s going to be mentally ill.

Once again - I'm not "planning" sick leave like it's a holiday. I am too unwell to work. I don't need to communicate this until my next working day (Monday) and I have made a reasonable estimate that I will feel well enough to work again (not necessarily be fully recovered, but enough to resume work) after 2 weeks off. I will return sooner, if possible. I have asked for (and received) very helpful advice about how to spend the time off work focusing on improving my situation.

You don't need "proof" as you're not the decision maker here.

Why on earth are you so determined to dramatise this - so far you've suggested I should quit my job, questioned my ability to be a mum if I'm "anxious" and now you're questioning how much more time off I might need? As well as seemingly laying the blame for civil service productivity and the woes of SMEs at my door?! Please get a grip.

You're a bully, plain and simple. It seems that you hate civil servants, you judge people for mental ill health and you don't support people having IVF. You seem to delight in returning to this thread repeatedly with the sole purpose of making my life worse at what is already a difficult time.

I will report any other responses from you, now go away.

I think people can choose to interpret something to fit their own agenda, however it's worded. Let's not lay the blame at my door - some people are just bullies and will always find a way to be cruel.

I asked a specific question in my post and also clearly stated I wasn't looking to debate the need to have time off. I referenced the two weeks and my fertility treatment to give people context for their suggestions.

No bullying - I was replying to another poster who claimed that people responding had not experienced infertility or mental ill health.

And no - I won't get off the thread. It's a public forum and when you start a thread people will respond. If you feel anyone has bullied you or done anything else that breaks talk guidelines then report them.

I wasn't aware of the 48% statistics for depression, but thanks for sharing - it's helpful to know that it's really common to have mental health struggles.
Appreciate you correcting the other poster as it has become exhausting seeing the same posters pop up repeatedly with their objections.

Cool - stick around then if you must. But I've told you you're not wanted and that you're not helping; hope you enjoy making the life of someone who is suffering that little bit worse.

For this time, do whatever you like, relax, watch movies, spend some time alone with your own thinking, evaluate yourself and the scenarios stuck in your mind. Enjoy the time, treat yourself because all this time won't come.

How many times does this need to be said - the OP is already ill. Her mental health and reached a point she needs to go off sick from Monday.

Due to timescales of medication procedures the OP thinks she will probably be off for 2 weeks. This is helpful to tell her manager. She has already said if she feels better she will return earlier and if she doesn’t recover if thst timescale she might need to take more time.

She is not forward planning,anticipating she might feel ill later on, she is ill NOW. The only reason she hasn’t gone off work sick so far it is it the weekend.

Sure, you're entitled to express your opinion - it doesn't mean that you need to. You've made a decision to do so, knowing it's unwanted and unhelpful.

In any event, there is not enough detail in my post for you to make a decision about whether or not I need the time off, so you can't form a reasonable view. You are making assumptions. I have deliberately not shared the full extent of the physical and mental effects of the treatment and how it is impacting my ability to work, because it's not the business of anyone here. Take it as read - I am not fit to work in my role at the moment, I need time off, I will be taking the suggestions of helpful posters here as to how to occupy myself during the days to help myself get through this period and get back to work.

Given the subject of this thread I find your username combined with this post really quite disturbing

Thank you for this! So frustrating some people seem determined to misconstrue my situation.

Do share with us why exactly you're the authority on mental ill health?

I’ve reported “jumpinfrontofatrain” (! I honestly think that’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen on mumsnet tbh)

I didn’t say earlier but the oestrogen only phase did leave me feeling like I was at breaking point. I’d had a miscarriage 3 months before, I don’t know if that was still playing a part. But about 2 weeks in I did feel like I’m not sure if I can continue. Horrendous sleep too. Couldn’t face being alone but also couldn’t stand being around people. 2 days into it someone asked “how’s your week looking” and was nearly fighting back tears, my week was actually quite a relaxed one.I was on 8mg a day (4 x 2mg tablets)

I did wonder how I could keep doing this again and again and then as mentioned the progesterone was a big relief. I was on a decent dose of it (x2 Lubion and x 2 cyclogest)

I did have a very bad time on the progesterone only pill and stopped it (so like you I had a feeling the progesterone was just going to fan the flames with the transfer but actually this time it was the opposite)

I work in mental health and I think the OP is being very sensible. She knows she's not fit to work and she wants to know how to look after herself while she's unwell, to give herself the best chance of recovering in a timely fashion.

OP, in your position I'd try to spend some time in nature, do gentle exercise like walking or yoga, read and do something creative if you can concentrate, make some simple, nutritious food.

I hope things go well for you