Liam Payne and why people only matter when it’s too late?

[Pomped]

I’m going through a very difficult time at the moment south my own depression and the news of this young man’s tragic death has impacted me a lot.

Reading the tributes to him, where were all these people when he was alive? It breaks my heart that if he were to understand the love and respect for him just a couple of days ago, things may not have ended as they have.

For me it’s one of the hardest things to reconcile. How do you access that love when you’re still here, battling as best you can but trying to be strong.

No suicidal thoughts btw - I’m just so sad and reflecting on why these things happen.

I thought of this earlier.

When you're dead, everyone has lovely things to say, misses you.

When you're alive, they either barely bother or criticise you.

It's a really weird quirk of human nature.

To me it's a bit like people who fret about the morality of abortion but if a child is in the world living in poverty and misery they couldn't care less.

Thanks for your reply, I’m weirdly comforted that I’m not alone. I know it is a very hard topic.

If he had been found collapsed in his room surrounded by drugs and taken to hospital, would people give him an outpouring of love or would he been criticised, pitied and shunned?

it seems so sad that those who may have struggled will never know if or how much they are loved until it is too late

I said EXACTLY the same thing to my DH earlier.

Soooo many people are claiming a part of him, and saying they're soooo devastated, and he was a right good lad and all, but how many of them were there there when he needed someone?

Something I have also been thinking about. I have suicidal thoughts and have acted on them in the past. I’ve been really struggling again and his death has, selfishly, hit me hard. I don’t think I’d have hardly anyone miss me if I died. I hope he knew on some level how important he was to so many.

It just shows how fragile life is. Here one moment and not the next. Yet it’s only death that seems to provoke love and care. And then it’s empty words

It would appear that his death was the result of a drug/alcohol fueled situation rather than a considered decision brought on by depression

In my experience successful suicide attempts are often quite impulsive and not things that have been planned in advance and therefore minimal opportunity for prevention

where were all these people when he was alive?

They were literally everywhere. Dedicated stan pages all over Twitter/FB. In recent years, people took to IG and TikTok to show their love in his comments or always making posts about him. People were always at his concerts even after 1D ended. People have always loved him so I’m not sure what you mean

There's a good chance this was an accident before everyone carries on with the death by suicide narrative.

@Scutterbug so sorry to hear you are feeling that way. I’m not there yet but feel one step away, I’m mainly just low and despairing as my circumstances have got worse and worse over the past year or so.

I hope the tragic loss of Liam and our reflections over it demonstrate that you DO matter and also you do not exist purely for the admiration of others.

I guess it’s about finding the value in life again, which can be hard to do I know. I’m seeing my reflections on this as a positive sign because I’m thinking rather than self destructing. I hope you can see that for yourself too

Yes this. I am afraid that sometimes people are surrounded by love but it's not enough. I think this was another case of too much too young.

I’m sorry, I’m not meaning to add to speculation. As I understand it, whether he intentionally took his own life after 1 seconds thought or many years, or on impulse, the decisions that led to it do not suggest he felt valued.

I don’t want to cause any grief or arguments, I’m just trying to understand and talking helps. ❤️

I think you're missing the point somewhat!

I've also thought the same. It's an interesting part of human psychology, but very sad.

Sorry to hear you're struggling

@UmbrellaEllaEllaElla

When you're dead, everyone has lovely things to say, misses you.

When you're alive, they either barely bother or criticise you.

And this is the reason I am having a direct cremation. (DH is too.) I am not having random fuckers from many years ago, (who haven't been arsed with me this century,) turning up at my funeral with their faux grief, pretending they give a shit. OR people who know me now who don't bother with me much. This is the reason DH wants a direct cremation too.

It boils my blood when randomers turn up at funerals of people they haven't been arsed with for 20 years - or don't even know/barely know!

!

There are of course the people who will only come out of the wood work after someone has died, but the only thing I will say is that at least sometimes there are lots of people who DO show that love and care when they know a friend is struggling and it’s just simply not enough.

Both DH & I have each lost a friend to suicide, and another of my friends attempted suicide which has been so incredibly sad. In all of those situations all of those close to them knew and could not have done more to try and help them, constantly in touch, available whenever they needed, did everything we could to set them up with help, there and in contact 24/7 (not just us, all of the friendship group), and it just wasn’t enough.

These friends of ours were surrounded by so much love and care from so many people, and it still wasn’t enough.

You have to remember that people pay their respects publicly so you see those, but when they check in, meet up, reach out to help these people they DON’T do that publicly (and rightly so).

I'm sorry you're struggling but I feel you've got this wrong.

He was on holiday with his GF, visiting his friend. He hasn't died alone in a bedsit having not spoken to anybody for days. The love and celebration of him and 1D was hardly hidden.

His was a situation that could not easily have been prevented, I don't think it was a lack of interest or love that caused it.

Yup, my DD was bullied or ignored at school and had an MH breakdown and an incident that made the local news. Queue all the same people, "oh, are you okay hun?", "so sorry you are going through this" blah blah blah. No one really cares, they just want to feel involved and have their moment when something does happen.

I must be because it hasn’t even been reported that he killed himself. It’s still being stated that it was an accident so what’s the point of this post? He was loved all around the world, he knew that. Him falling off a balcony has nothing to do with that?

Someone else missing the point a bit. Point is: where have all the random celebs who are banging on about Liam now and how amazing he is, and how much they cared about him been all this time? They weren't there when Liam was alive. Not for many years anyway.

As I just said. Point is: where have all the random celebs who are banging on about Liam now and how amazing he is, and how much they cared about him been all this time? They weren't there when Liam was alive. Not for many years anyway.

Literally how do you know? Do you follow all of the people that have paid a tribute to him? Do you know if any of them have his number and spoke with him often? You literally don’t know

I just wonder if he felt able to pick up the phone to someone at the point he seemed to downward spiral. I do understand substance abuse and the desperation it can signify. I just find it tragic that there is all this love out there for him but now it doesn’t matter at all. He will never know.

This is why I hate funerals as when I used to attend all I saw was relatives or friends of the deceased who hadn’t seen them or spoken to them in years literally travel long distances when they were gone ?!! Saying they missed them shedding tears but they weren’t bothered when they were alive !I couldn’t understand the logic. Made me decide to not have a funeral myself

Post some pics then of all the 'celebrities' who have been 'paying tribute' to Liam, actually WITH Liam, from the past 5 years. Just one will do. Let's see how many times these people were with him. Go on then.