Liam Payne and why people only matter when it’s too late?

[Pomped]

I’m going through a very difficult time at the moment south my own depression and the news of this young man’s tragic death has impacted me a lot.

Reading the tributes to him, where were all these people when he was alive? It breaks my heart that if he were to understand the love and respect for him just a couple of days ago, things may not have ended as they have.

For me it’s one of the hardest things to reconcile. How do you access that love when you’re still here, battling as best you can but trying to be strong.

No suicidal thoughts btw - I’m just so sad and reflecting on why these things happen.

Well we don’t know do we? They probably don’t display those pics to the public. You could say the same about all the 1D boys.

I think it's a leap to imagine that celebrity deaths happen because other celebrities aren't demonstrably kind enough on public social media. The people who knew this man best and who would give everything they own to have him back safely on earth almost certainly aren't famous.

Do you imagine his parents didn't love him endlessly, unconditionally and without any need for Instagram to show it?

I've felt low at times in my life and I've turned every time to my loved ones and medical professionals. Sandra off facebook hasn't come into it.

Well yeah... I mean, as has been said - Liam was very troubled. Suicide was very probable. Not sure if we will ever know though tbh.

It’s an odd perception to think people don’t care because they’re not with someone all the time. I have tried endlessly to help someone close to me but they push me away. It’s the hardest thing knowing I can’t do anything and feel I’m waiting for the call one day to say they’re dead.

Ime it's usually that they've pushed people away

I think there is a difference though for those left behind whether it was a deliberate suicide attempt or a drug fuelled escape that went wrong.

@Newsenmum I didn't say it wasn't suicide. I just think it is quite naive to assume that suicide is always the result of someone feeling depressed, unloved or unsupported (especially when drugs/alcohol are involved)

It is a tragedy that he is dead but that doesn't mean any of his friends are to blame or could have prevented whaf happened

Yes he picked up the phone to his ex fiance and even more tellingly her mother. What more did he need to do to try and reach out to someone who he felt deeply about and clearly had emotional ties to - however misguided. Not exactly "Sandra off Facebook" who probably didn't write a novel about him.

You know what, this is on the mental health board and not Chat or AIBU for a reason.

Can we not tear eachother apart, disagreeing respectfully on opinions is fine but really it’s not the place for anger because if you’re on this board for a reason, it’s just not helpful to anyone.

I wasn’t lighting a torch paper, just being reflective.

The poster who said people with addictions and mental ill health be that depression or otherwise can be hard to be around is right. I’ve been on both sides of that. But it’s that huge gulf between people avoiding or condemning that person to displaying such love and anguish when they are gone .

Bullshit. There are likely many moments friends can help in a crisis. The reality is that people choose not to. Because of their "boundaries". Which are fine but often an excuse to just not follow any kind of human spirited kindness or to help someone patently in distress. It's just a way to excuse yourself from a fucking mess. What killed hjm wasn't what happened that night.

True. But glorifying someone's distress on Tik tok and via a self promoting novel is a way to do it.

My sister killed herself a while ago now. She was an alcoholic. It would have looked like none of us cared in the months before her death. She was very active on social media saying how alone she was and abandoned by her family, she'd post that when we were in the next room calling an ambulance because she was actively trying to kill herself. She had 3 separate online 'boyfriends' around the time she died. They were hugely angry that we'd abandoned her and hadn't seen her for months as that's what she told them.

Her real life friends cared for her but she was just too chaotic. They didn't see her often as all she wanted to do was get drunk and pick up men. She was just too unwell to maintain friendships.

We have no idea what support he had and what support he was pushing away.

I think self assurance is really important, to know that you are loved without people having to keep reassuring you of that. We all need to love and be loved. But we’re also all very caught up in what’s going on in our own lives and not always aware that the ones we love aren’t feeling loved. Sadly sometimes it’s a case of you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

Obviously not saying that Liam's death was suicide, we don't know- it was more the addiction parallel I was going for.

What an awful thread. Full of virtue signalling voyeurs. On the one hand feeling mock sympathy and outrage because some celebrities haven’t been publicly fawning all over instagram so that must mean they never had anything to do with him in private, and on the other hand spreading lurid speculation that it must have been a suicide when nothing of the sort has been suggested.

Its in incredibly bad taste.

I’m sorry @NerrSnerr ❤️

We do know the exact and not very coincidental timing of his ex fiancé's Tik tok diaries, her book, hours before he was dumped by his label. So yes I think it's plausible that it had a connection to events and why his GF left. Sadly I think she had little to do with it.

@NotOneOfTheInCrowd that was absolutely not my intent

Good god. Suicide or misadventure- the result is the same! A man died as a result of being pushed to his limits and worsened by the people he trusted. No more no less.

Yes, I unfortunately have come across this quite a lot with life-lifers. Absolutely obsessed with unborn children and cute pictures of children with Down syndrome but in reality do absolutely nothing for those who actually have special needs or their families.

Sorry to add to this , poor, poor young man. Obviously suffered a lot to himself.

@justbrilliantatlife that’s the point though I don’t think it is the same, particularly for the families left behind trying to make sense of it I honestly think it was a tragic accident, drug fuelled that no one could have prevented except perhaps his girlfriend being there to stop him jumping. A suicide however would leave family with the what ifs. But either way someone has died tragically young and now my thoughts are with those left behind.

He went to Argentina to support/see Niall perform, he was there with his girlfriend Kate, he was staying at his friend Gon's house for part of it. Plenty of people in their tributes have talked about the last time they saw him.

I don't know why people are suggesting he had no one around him that cared and that he ended up committing suicide because no one cared about him. It's really inappropriate when he might have just fallen off the balcony accidentally, it happens all the time when people have had too much to drink/taken drugs on holiday. Saying's 'it's probable' that he committed suicide is just appalling when you can't possibly know that IMO.

I feel this about Simon Cowell. I haven’t read his ‘tribute’ to Liam Payne because imho he and his companies created the situations where young men end up with alcohol/drug addictions, mental health problems and unable to deal with mega fame. I know Simon Cowell is not alone in the exploitation of young stars but still.

It is the same ultimately- he is dead and was ousted to the brink by a hideous public and malicious shaming of something that was unnecessary and private. He was guilty by her media exploitation and as someone who had already talked about how social media affected his mental health this would certainly have had severe consequences and pushed his label to dump him. The hours before are totally inconsequential.