Liam Payne and why people only matter when it’s too late?

[Pomped]

I’m going through a very difficult time at the moment south my own depression and the news of this young man’s tragic death has impacted me a lot.

Reading the tributes to him, where were all these people when he was alive? It breaks my heart that if he were to understand the love and respect for him just a couple of days ago, things may not have ended as they have.

For me it’s one of the hardest things to reconcile. How do you access that love when you’re still here, battling as best you can but trying to be strong.

No suicidal thoughts btw - I’m just so sad and reflecting on why these things happen.

Get off this thread - you are stigmatising anyone with mental health problems and on a highly triggering thread. You don't need help or want to support someone in need? Or have anything to say that could be remotely relevant to the discussion? Go and find your place on the daily mail comments section. Utterly vile.

SHE WROTE A BOOK. This was no cry for help. If she needed to do something to protect herself- call the fucking police

But it’s that huge gulf between people avoiding or condemning that person to displaying such love and anguish when they are gone

When people die all sorts of emotions kick in for those left behind.

Guilt is a big one. Also their death highlights our own personal mortality .....which creates fear

Guilt and fear focus the mind and we tend to feel more loving and filled with kind thoughts about the deceased

It happens each and every time and tbh its not very surprising

Its very human!

I think the issue with alcohol and drug addiction is that in order to show the person you love them, you have to stay in their lives when perhaps that is damaging to yourself. Perhaps they are abusive to you, emotionally, physically. We cannot stay in peoples lives when they are damaging us, just to stop them doing something to themselves. That’s manipulation. How much of yourself are you supposed to give to someone else.

In this case I think the accident was a result of the addictions. The lack of people in his life may have been a result of the addictions. And the addictions were the result of life stresses and genetic vulnerability. But when all of that becomes intrusive and damaging, its not anyone else’s cross to bear.

Ghouls do come out at these times but I doubt they were the ones cleaning up sick or urine, being called names, preventing choking, changing clothes, holding hair back, encouraging them to eat. Those people often are there. Addicts don’t care.

What’s the difference between Liam and the dozens (more?) of people who go on holiday, get drunk or stoned and die falling from hotel balconies every year?

This. ^

Staying in someone's life and writing a book and publishing defamatory video diaries leading to a ruined career are two very different things. His addiction or abuse was not separate to that, and would certainly have been fuelled to the extent it patently was that night

Call the police to do what? Unless he physically assaulted her they don't do anything. Her book was inspired by true events but was fictional.

She was coerced into an abortion, that had complications. She issued a cease and desist order for harassment recently so she did call the police. Sounds a bit like victim blaming.

I can’t read any more. “Coerced”? “Harrassment”? As far as I know it’s innocent until proven guilty and because of people like you a man is dead. I’m leaving this platform because it’s fucking hideous.

Did you read the book or read what happened to her?

There was a thread here today about a women whose partner was trying to force her to have an abortion or he'd leave her. Overwhelming support for her to get rid of this abusive man. But on here condemning the woman who had a complicated abortion so she didn't lose the addict she loved because he was a famous boy band singer.

vm.tiktok.com/ZGddb71Xd/

I haven't read the book, is it a biography?

Same here.

Hate grief vultures. They all want a piece of the attention, it's sickening. They'll have been strategically avoiding him since the accusations from his ex and his spiralling substance abuse. The poor boy must have felt desolate and abandoned when he needed support the most.

Me too, had my uncle rock up a few months ago because my mum had got his number and was bothering him with phone calls. He called round on a Sunday morning at 9am all concerned about her welfare we'd not seen him for 15 years but she had all of a sudden been bothering him. He suggested I get her some help, I told him to "fuck off".

Well of course in this case most survivors of alcoholics don’t write books. They either stay with them, enabling them. Or leave and are condemned at the end for not doing enough. Addiction is insidious and affects everyone it touches, not just the addict. I haven’t read her book but I am talking, as OP was, about why people don’t speak of their love in daily life instead of after death. Self protection is one of those reasons.

From the reports he was trying to get to the pool deck. He had an altercation with staff in the lobby who refused him access to the pool because he was intoxicated. He was then taken to his room where it seems he tried to jump to the pool deck.

He was found metres from the pool. I don't think he was trying to commit suicide.

The difference is he is more humanised by the amount people have seen of him.

With strangers where there are just a few details and a picture it is easy to go "it was just a drunk man messing around near a balcony" and not attach emotion.

When it's someone who's life and personality has been hugely documented since a young age people have seen enough positives about him to feel a connection.

The discussion so far has been insightful but also upsetting. I do not like the demonisation of his ex because it’s perfectly possible she was the victim of a bad relationship and did what she thought was right and now this has happened. It’s possible it’s tragedy upon tragedy and it’s not a blame game. I hope for her sake she is now being surrounded by love because this isn’t her fault. It’s just all round shit and shows how much unhappiness people carry whilst presenting a very different reality on social media. I found the fact that his Snapchat was managed by a third party and his recordings were made at a different time to broadcast to be sinister and a sad indictment of our times tbh

Social media or news media don't show the true reality of a situation. And this is the crux of most of these tragic news stories or even personal posts about such circumstances. My dad had a saying "Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors". I was taught to keep thing private, for my mums dignity but sometimes the veil falls and that's when people fill the gaps. I just let them get on with it, in a few days or weeks such people will be discussing someone else. Sad but true.

Social media is just free marketing for celebrities, it’s not real life. This is sadly the case for all the messages of condolence coming out now. But sadly there’s an appetite for it so it perpetuates. It is certainly a sad indictment of our times. I wonder whether the reason people don’t have time to support people in real life is because they’re giving so much headspace to people they don’t even know in the virtual world.

I think it is becase we can all seem to care and easily tap away some heart felt sorrow online or to be seen.
I have some family who resent the idea of those needing support including therapy to be nonsense..
Many people do not like Difficult emotions, not seeming happy constantly, basically do not understand depression and expect you to just get on with it mentaility & phyiscally. (I hadbt vacuymed for a week it was like i was not normal, apparently that is disgusting yet i do not care).

Once Someone passes perhaps thats what it takes for others to realise not everyone is ok, we all habe struggles.
Sometimes a close loss will knock you into being less self centered.

Thank god for good friends and some family who do let us be a genuine us.

i mean... yes, there is no difference in that every human life is valuable and precious, and everyone will have family who grieve after a tragedy like this

but come on? Liam was a public figure who lots of people will have known of, followed, been fans of, etc. It doesn't diminish other tragedies to acknowledge that this one gets more coverage because the deceased had a bigger public profile and was more widely known? and it certainly doesn't mean that people aren't able to have an emotional response. That doesn't mean they don't care about others.

i genuinely have no idea of the point this comment was making?

Celebs are dammed if they do post nice messages and dammed they don't. We have to
think of family and his son. In a few years his son could read all those nice messages and pictures about his dad and feel his dad had a lot of love. Whether they were helping him through tough times or not, some of the messages and pics are a lovely tribute to him.

Cheryl’s statement on instagram is both sad and quite aggressive / critical of the coverage at the same time. I understand she is only trying to protect her son

It wasn't aggressive at all. I thought it was very measured and damn well needed saying.