Can anyone chat to me? Desperately lonely.

[Needalisteningear]

I am so lonely. This is going to be long.

My mum passed on xmas day last year. She had cancer and wasn't very old. She didn't die of cancer though, it was medical negligence.
My dad couldn't cope and moved to another country.
My ltr has just ended.
My kids are at their dads.
I have no friends. I've realised that. I have acquaintances from my dc groups. I've never really fit into friend groups. I was and still are, I suppose, hanging onto friend groups.
My past is an embarrassment (not my children) and I am so desperate to be happy that I just allow things that shouldn't happen in a relationship, to happen.
My life is a joke. The only good thing about it is my kids and tonight, I'm really struggling with loneliness.
I have no family left and the people who I have reached out to have finished the conversation after a couple of messages.
I suffer with ptsd and other mental health issues that stem from past relationships.

Is anyone around just to chat. Just so I can stop crying a bit?
Well done if you managed to read this far! And thank you x

Hi Sian!
Please dm me! It would be lovely! Thank you!
I have shared a story to match your school urinals 😆

I can't wait to try 🤣 I could be there a while. Will smell better afterwards though 😆

Please do! It is the best thread ever and people have been so, so kind!
Thank you x

Oh that is embarrassing!
Thing about urinals is they are ALL different. The shared sort where boys just stand in a row are NO good for a woman. If you just stand and let go it all goes down your leg (we found that anyway), but the individual ones with a "mouth" as it's called you can just stand against with both legs, lean forward slightly, and pee.
We found if you get the right position the pee will go directly into the "mouth" of the urinal. But if it tries to run onto your legs it will be blocked by the urinal anyway.
Nuff said? Yeh - too much!
I tell you the WEIRDEST thing about the whole experience is watching yourself pee 🥺🥺. My bff just COULD NOT get over that.
Right - any other crude and embarrassing stories? I'm your girl!!

Just to add one important thing - tp. Grab a roll from a cubicle before you start. We realised too late that urinals don't have tp and had to hop over to a cubicle.
And ppl who say "but wasn't the urinal wet and dirty?". Well, yes, but we were kids and had showers later. §

If we're doing pee stories, I can A frame pee. When I was ill earlier this year I couldn't get down on the loo so I wiggled my back into the system then made an A frame and peed. No knickers obviously but it was the least of my worries. Now I have these magnetic side nicks.

You're very knowledgeable about urinals 😂 at a previous job, somebody once replaced my mouse mat with one of those urinal pads 🤢 never used but still...

I have recently learnt how to pee on a car journey. I live in a city in the middle of nowhere and my bladder isn't what it used to be. So I can sit on the sill of the car and take in the scenery! I learnt this as I once had to pee in a takeaway coffee cup in a 4 hour motorway traffic jam. Well, it was 2 cups I was that desperate 🤣

I am the epitome of embarrassing stories 😆 one just now... I've been to the recycling facility and one of my bin bags (I forgot to put my bin out) ripped as I took it out of the boot. Like a pp who had helped a gentleman with cherry bakewells, I just burst out crying stood looking at my bin bag 🤣 I had a big picture frame to take and one of the lovely men brought a brush and shovel over, tolf me he will sort the mess and gestured to the glass in my frame. He said to me 'take it up thos3 steps over there and really chuck it into the bin, you'll have a smashing time!' It really did! It's embarrassing but someone telling me what to do and taking over really helped me! I'm going to go back tomorrow with a few beers for them all.

It's these little things, isn't it! X

I feel I'm missing out on stood up peeing! I may even buy a she-wee to try out! I can do anything now!
I hope you're feeling much better now x

@Needalisteningear

I think you need a big pat on the back for reaching out last night, if more people did then they might realise there are always people around to help.

Well done to you, you recognised you needed help and asked for it. That takes strength!

I'm not really knowledgeable about urinals! It was just those visits to a boys toilets!
For example, I'm not sure what a "urinal pad" is. I've heard of "urinal cakes" which are apparently put in urinals to take the smell away, but I'm trying to imagine a "pad" in the urinal?
But peeing on car journeys. OMG. My little brother and a bottle - no I won't go there! §

Well my daughter (aged 2) showed her pants to do the lady in the shop who told her she looked pretty today, she was so proud of the bluey pants.

Thank you! I have never felt so desperately lonely! The people on this thread will genuinely always hold a very special place in my heart ❤
Thank you x

It might be a urinal cake! A round thing made of weird stuff 😆
Haha, I'm glad it isn't just me who has been caught short needing a wee. I don't think I need to ask, a boy, a bottle and a moving car doesn't sound like a recipe for success 😂

Aw bless her! She must have been proud of them!
Once told a taxi driver not to tell my uncle that I didn't have knickers on. I was drunk 😬 I'm not sure he knew my uncle either!

Haha that reminds me of a book I once read it was a new York taxi driver and their experiences.

That sounds like a good read, can you remember what it was called? X

This ?

So, a little update on my day! This is my fifth night of singledom.
I have cried very briefly a couple of times only so far! I have kept myself busy with doing some jobs I needed to do.
I've got my dc back at home! Two have fallen out, and one has gone to his mates. One kitten pooped in a drawer, my dog stole a packet of cat food and has had a funny tummy. Normality has resumed 🤣
Tonight I'm going to have a lovely shower and wash my hair. As you may have read, I'm taking the opportunity to try and pee stood up. I'm sure I smell and it's needed.
I've bought a can of tuna and some lovely bread for my tea and I'm hoping it will bring my appetite back a bit! Beef hula hoops to go with and a packet of Munchies for pudding!
I always need something sweet after meals, are you the same?
Read something that resonated with me earlier. I've saved it and it's opened my eyes a bit. I've got my lovely therapy appointment tomorrow and I'm so ready for it!
After my shower and maybe a bit of pampering, I'm going to sit down and reread this thread. I'm writing everything down, all the ideas, sentences that have really stuck out at me, everything.
I hope you've all had a lovely Sunday so far x

I can't see a description in the book.
I remember it was based in new York and it was written over a career. I'll try and Google it later.

That all sounds like a brilliant plan.

My day has had ups and downs my teen DS who is painfully shy actually approached someone he barely knows and initiated conversation so I was very happy then later that day he couldn't bring himself to answer when someone he knows well asked him a question. One step forward two steps back.

But I like to think if we hadn't had the one step forward before we took two steps back we would be further back than we are so its still a win in a way.

I understand being lonely. The days can feel very long.

You mentioned earlier you had thought about running but that people would judge you. I promise you they won't. They really really won't. But if you're anxious, find out if there is a Parkrun near you. Go and watch - you'll see all sorts and shapes and speeds of runners. Then the next week, maybe volunteer (I love volunteering). Then the next week, walk it - there's always a Tailwalker so that no one is "last". Then maybe run/walk it. And you're a runner. The first time you run, even for five minutes, you're a runner. If you want gentle motivating encouragement I'd really recommend the Nike Run Club app and Coach Bennett's runs there. You can use them to get some confidence then join a club or group if you want. I promise you you will be welcome at Parkrun and volunteering there has really helped me make friends locally

@Needalisteningear I'm so sorry you are feeling like this- about 10 years ago I had a life that looked great on paper but actually really wasn't- I was far too co dependent on H and had not really made an effort with friendships for many years as our business was a bit all consuming and my teenage son was hard work - i decided I had to change things and it was a bit of a long haul but I did- I still don't have loads of close friends but now have a few - I wish you well- start small- one friend and one outside interest at a time. I also learnt my new friends also have things in life they are embarrassed by/not proud of - it really wasn't just me -

Thank you for this thread OP, I had a very wobbly weekend too and reading this has made me book a taster session in my local rockchoir!

I also am going to look for a bookclub.

You are most definitely not alone.

Thank you x

Of course it's a win! Huge fist bump to your ds! I was so shy and I can see why it's hard to do! X