Can anyone chat to me? Desperately lonely.

[Needalisteningear]

I am so lonely. This is going to be long.

My mum passed on xmas day last year. She had cancer and wasn't very old. She didn't die of cancer though, it was medical negligence.
My dad couldn't cope and moved to another country.
My ltr has just ended.
My kids are at their dads.
I have no friends. I've realised that. I have acquaintances from my dc groups. I've never really fit into friend groups. I was and still are, I suppose, hanging onto friend groups.
My past is an embarrassment (not my children) and I am so desperate to be happy that I just allow things that shouldn't happen in a relationship, to happen.
My life is a joke. The only good thing about it is my kids and tonight, I'm really struggling with loneliness.
I have no family left and the people who I have reached out to have finished the conversation after a couple of messages.
I suffer with ptsd and other mental health issues that stem from past relationships.

Is anyone around just to chat. Just so I can stop crying a bit?
Well done if you managed to read this far! And thank you x

I will do this! I will update when I have done it!
I want to be the happy, worry free, brave mum that they do love so much. I feel so much guilt for how I am, mentally. They are absolute superstars and without them, I couldn't guarantee that I would be here, a few times over.
I need to focus on baby steps. I want to click my fingers and all my sadness is gone, right now. I think I'm impatient and I hate feeling so down!

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me x

I'm here too 😊

Life can be so hard sometimes. We can become ground down and lose are optimistic outlook.

I'm wondering if I can be self centred and tell you what I would do in your circumstances.
I'd give myself a few minutes to really let it all out and have a good cry, don't tell yourself not to, just let it all out. My therapist told me to give our emotions space; the more we tell ourselves to push them down, the stronger they are going to come up. If we give them space and acknowledgement without shame or judgement, we can move forward.

Then I'd jump in a warm bubble bath with a light hearted podcast or audio book on on my phone. I'd have a good scrub, do some nice skincare routine, this always makes everything feel so much better!

Then I'd get all my favourite snuggly things, pinch by DC's squishmallows, grab my own and lump out on the sofa. I'd make myself some really tasty wrap stodgy comfort food and a nice soft drink or iced latte. Then I'd put on some trashy nostalgic film.. this evening I'm feeling like One Fine Day with George Clooney.

Fuck it, I'll join you OP once my kids are finally in bed, it's been a rough day this end ?nothing on yours) and it would be nice to encourage someone else to look after themselves while indulging myself 🤭

Ahh two new kittens! Cute. What are their names? I am more of a dog person really so would love all the info about your dog! I love older dogs with their distinguished grey muzzles! What do your DC's think of the new additions. My children would be beside themselves.

Grief can't be rushed, there are no short cuts. Be kind to yourself..

We had to stop playing Monopoly here a few years ago ...it wasn't pretty.

It's hard feeling like this. I think you'll find that there's more of us that feel this way than you'd think. That said it doesn't make you feel any better.

I seem to only be contacted when people want something from me... usually HR advice.. and then I see them on social media out with others, not even inviting me.

Mumsnet has always been there for me, and I hope it is for you xx

Aww kittens! We have 2 cats (lost one recently) and a dog and every animal we have ever had has just sort of been thrown in the deep end and they end up working out their position and getting on with it. So I'm not the best to talk to about helping them get on lol. The cat that is sleeping on me is definitely the ruler of the house even the dog let's her do whatever she wants including pushing him out of his bed.

I'm under a blanket and have a hot water bottle which is mostly why the cat is sitting on me I think.

Nope you never stop worrying you just end up worrying about different things.

Yeah Monopoly can cause a bit of agro we preferred quick games like connect 4 so you could end them quickly I'd people were getting tetchy.

Do you have any hobbies to keep you occupied? I dont. I always think I will take something up but never find anything im that bothered about. I'm envious of people who have things they really enjoy that they can potter on with at home. I'm even a bit jealous of the bus spotters at our local bus station, how great must it be to find such joy from such a simple and free thing

@Needalisteningear so sorry you are having sign a rough time. You lost your mum such a short time ago. I can remember the feeling well and the run up to the following Christmas was awful.
The only thing for me which helped was time.
Totally get how you feel around PTSD.
As for having an embarrassing past something so cringeworthy happened to me I still feel sick about it many, many years later. Whatever it is, you have nothing to feel bad about as others are busy trying to hide things they don’t want you to know.
Please know your life is not a joke. You are very important. You are a lovely mum and daughter.
You have clearly been through a lot so well don’t on putting up your post! X

Hello

Can you find something to watch as a bit of a distraction? I love trash tv when my head can't concentrate on anything more. Don't tell anyone but I love Selling Sunset 🤣.

I have a partner but he's not well, which can be lonely at times. My cat is amazing though and gives lots of cuddles, I hope yours are cuddlers. I've put the heating on for a bit too, it's gone so cold!

No, I absolutely won't tell you to piss off! I am so grateful you have taken the time to reply!
I am so incredibly proud of my dc. They are my world and I can't think of anything or anyone bettter than them. They are loving, caring, understanding, kind but also can be cheeky and sassy and I can't wait to see them!
So, here's the thing and any suggestions will be absolutely tried. I have zero, and I mean a big fat zero confidence or self esteem. None. I'm scared of my own shadow. I really want a new job but I'm scared to apply. I want to start some fitness classes or running in the dark (just so nobody sees me) and I'm scared. Of everything to do about it! Getting out of breath, being laughed at, even enquiring about it, my legs hurting. But I want to do it. I love drawing and painting but I give up before I've finished because I feel they're not good enough and I'm not improving. I don't really know what else I'm interested in. I just exist in life I think.

Thank you for replying and talking to me x

Hi, how are you? Are you having a good weekend?
Thank you for replying x

I’m so sorry to hear your lovely mum was taken from you far too soon. But you’ve taken all you’ve learned from her and will be as wonderful a mum to your kids as she was to you 💞

Thank you! It feels very lonely but I am astounded by the number of replies already. Inam truly grateful to you for taking the time. Thank you x

I have also struggled with similar issues. One thing that helps me is to make sure I have some interaction with humans, just start some superficial interaction, I often find that people start up random conversations when I am out walking. Interestingly I’ve had some really deep and meaningful conversations with strangers at train stations and airports.

I’ve also joined the local library, they host coffee and chat mornings, craft mornings and other events which bring locals together for a few hours.

The point I’m making is to start somewhere and get out of the house.

Oh and I just wanted to add - throw the Monopoly away, it only causes misery! We love playing Ticket To Ride, got it in a charity shop and it’s become a Christmas tradition!

Just read one of your updates.
Get painting.
Keep painting.
Go!

Thanks for asking after me. I have just started anti depressants which is really helping. About a week ago I was crying a lot and feeling anxious. I totally understand about being scared to try new things. It's that fear of the unknown as well. I'm hoping to watch a film tonight but not sure what.

Aww 2 kittens. I bet they are adorable. Can you post a photo of them? I remember one of my young cats climbing up the Christmas tree. He was always doing daft climbing tricks and was so different to his brother. Are yours boys or girls?

I'm sorry you have felt similar, it's a horrible feeling!
I do work but currently signed off as I'm struggling. And I'm too scared to go back... I would like a new job, to go with my fresh start I'm hoping for!
I love drawing/painting and I do enjoy reading. Other than those I don't really know what I like. I don't have much motivation or imagination at the moment. I would love a hobby or a group to join but I'm not sure what, or how I physically walk in there 😂
Thank you so much for replying x

Hi, sorry for your loss.
You sound like a really lovely person, life can sometimes be so shit and none of it your own doing.
You have something positives in your life, your beautiful children and all that you do for them.
I've also never really been part of a friendship group, always on the outside looking in, so I do understand that part all too well.
I'm around too xx

Do you have Netflix? I have been watching a new series Nobody Wants This. Funny and heartwarming.
Also loving Ludwig on iPlayer.

Yes, I will have a look thank you. Do you have Netflix as well @Needalisteningear?
Looks like there's so many of us in a similar boat.

Hi just wanted to say hello, and tell you, your not alone, I lost alot of friends when I split with my ex and moved, it's harder as you get older to make new friends. Try the Meetup app lots of online and if you want in person to try and make new friends when you have your kid free time.
Have a nice long bath, watch what you want on tv , have a little pamper and a good sleep, hope your ok, always here for a chat 😊

Hi and hoping you can lift yourself a little with all the lovely replies. I have a very small business. A few of my customers are surgeons etc.. one of them told me something which has stayed with me forever - talking about his work, he said "life builds scars". He then said. "Not necessarily bodily, but emotional scars too". This has resonated with me ever since. He's so right. Life chucks such shit at you sometimes, and nobody escapes that crap. Everyone, and I mean everyone, have their dark moments and experience loss through death as they age. If they are lucky, they may escape the 'caring years', I didn't and it broke me.
I live that you have a dog and two kittens. I'm sure the dog is not your best friend right now, but they'll all become a family at some point.
I have been through hideous situations and I can honestly say that a) everyone thinks that others are happier - bullshit and b) to be able to give a home to a cat or a dog, is one of life's greatest privileges. I adore mine, and they have filled the (sometimes awful) gap, of having to 'share' my kids half of their lives, through no fault of my own, and ultimately them leaving home. I could never be lonely with my daft cats and dogs. Adore them.

Hello lovely.
I can feel lonely sometimes as I lost my mum twenry years ago this month and I feel I have no one to really talk to. Your mums your mum and no other relationship has ever felt the same to me.

However I do have friends and I recommend a volunteer shift at a charity shop if you have the time. Just a few hours. You'll meet loads of interesting people. Hospice charities often have ex nurses who are lovely.
My adult DC are the light of my life as is my cockapoo. He's a real cuddle hound. He sleeps on my bed if I don't chuck him out in time.
The other suggestion is get a Netflix subscription if you can. £4.99. I watch old movies. I love baby boomer, first wives club and working girl. Add in goodbye Mr Chips and goodnight Mr Tom.

If you believe in spiritual things I think our family are with us always. They stay with us. My little dog barked furiously after my brother died but he was wagging his tale. My brother was a dog whisperer. However that's just my thoughts.

I find chocolate comforting and my family save monopoly for Christmas as my sister fiddles the bank.

Aw thank you so much for replying, truly very grateful.
My mum was a lovely lady, the best lady and I know exactly what she'd be saying to me righr now! She would be saying things like
'You've still got to eat, I'll come and make you some fish fingers.' She was a wonderful baker but an awful cook. I detested my mums fish fingers. She fried them in loads of oil until they were burnt. She knew this and always threatened them 😆
'Well, don't get involved with another man.' Wish I'd listened to her a LONG time ago! She'll be reading this and proud as punch for being right.
'Make yourself a cup of tea and watch Three (Four?) Musketeers. That'll cheer you up.' I think she secretly had the hots for them.

'I'd have stayed single if I had the chance. Look, I'm stuck with this miserable bugger'. My dad visibly annoyed her but she loved him really.

I'd be here all night chatting! I really would. If I'm being honest with myself which I'm going to try and do, right now and make myself accountable for my feelings, I wouldn't say I have many positives about life at the moment. I wouldn't ever do anything permanent as I adore my kids (I'm trying to not be obvious, as a tw) but sometimes I think i would welcome a freak accident. I'm just really low and I don't feel I know me. And I don't know how to find out who I actually am.
I have been lied to and maybe gaslit/manipulated before and I doubt everything about me. I kind of feel everything is my fault.

I am so grateful to you for replying, thank you x